What if Your Toughest Critic Isn't Them, But You?

What often tortures us isn't the circumstances themselves, but how we interpret them. I still remember in my first few years in the workplace, any criticism or advice from colleagues, supervisors, friends, or even my partner would trigger a very strong emotional reaction in me. I'd think to myself, "I've worked so hard, why can't I get 100% affirmation?"

Because I cared too much, I simply started to avoid it. I avoided every review meeting, shunned words that made me uncomfortable, and steered clear of facing my own sensitivity.

It wasn't until I started my own business that I truly realized the reason I reacted so strongly to criticism wasn't due to the incident itself, but because my inner sense of self-worth was too fragile.

When someone would say:

"I feel like you're not considerate of other people's feelings."

"I think you're too harsh on others."

"Aren't you afraid of what others will think of you if you do this?"

In the past, I would immediately doubt myself and even feel miserable: "Am I really that bad? Am I really that inconsiderate?"

But now, I have a little more space inside to respond:

"I feel like you're not considerate of other people's feelings." → Do others take my feelings into consideration?

"I think you're too harsh on others." → I don't think so. The world isn't gentle. Gentleness is a choice, not an obligation.

"Aren't you afraid of what others will think of you if you do this?" → Hey, we truly can't control what others say! The more you care, the more stressed you'll feel.

Seriously, if you care about what everyone thinks of you, you'll never stop caring. Instead of trying so hard to please everyone, learn one thing: just let them talk!

Whether my career is successful or my life is happy has never depended on whether people I don't know at all like me. I don't live in other people's mouths; I live in a world determined by myself.

Understanding and Responding to Criticism

What tortures us is often not the thing itself, but the way we interpret it.

Many times, what hurts you isn't what the other person said, but how you interpret those words in your heart.

The other person said, "Why are you so clingy? I need some space."

→ Your reaction is: "Is it because I am so worthless that he wants to leave me?"

In fact, this is their need, and it doesn't necessarily mean you've done anything wrong.

When you have a strong emotional reaction, observe first and don't rush to agree or refute.

Emotions are signals, not instructions. You can feel offended and ignored, but that doesn't mean you are necessarily wrong.

The other person said, "I'm so good to you, and you still doubt me?"

→ You may feel guilty, but maybe your intuition is telling you that the "good" they claim is just their own definition of good, and they don't truly care about your needs.

Not every word is worth taking to heart.

Every word someone says actually carries their stance, emotions, and life experiences. Instead of accepting everything they say, it's better to ask yourself, "Is this sentence truly helpful to me?"

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."

— Viktor E. Frankl

No one is born emotionally stable and invulnerable. It is only after experiencing pain time and time again that we learn to slow down our reactions, observe our emotions, and distinguish which words to listen to and which to let go.

From the workplace to relationships, from people with "glass hearts" to those with clear boundaries, it's not that we don't feel pain, but after feeling pain, we finally know what words are worth keeping in our hearts.

Thank you for reading!