That's How I Met My Spouse

That's my spouse. 

I hate his video gaming, but he is the anchor of my life. Let me share a bit about how I met my husband. It was a miracle, through a social media platform Orkut, long gone now.

It was late 2007. At that time, I was doing my PhD, was 25, and suitors hovered around like honeybees. I swatted away them. "If you have not helped in my hard-earned path, you're not welcome in my life. If you can inspire, in some way, I may show interest.," I used to think.

But then this guy showed up, and I shook. His profile gave me shivers. Good kind. Refined tastes and words. I was instantly infatuated. 

But he seemed too good for me. So I told him, "I'm doing a PhD. Very busy. No time for interactions."

It was my way of saving myself from heartache, from the pain of rejection.

We also had a lot of differences. He lived in New York, worked in IT, and earned decently. We came from different communities. 

I was a retired school teacher's daughter, doing PhD in Assam, India.

We didn't stay connected. After a year in early 2009, in Orkut, we bumped into each other again. I asked how he was doing, if he had got a girlfriend.

He said, "I'm still alone."

This time, my mindset had shifted. I thought, "If you're still single, after a year, you're going to be mine. I'll wage any war to be with you."

And I did. I broke plans of many, including my father's and his father's.

My father wanted me to marry within my community, may be help the family financially. I am going to get a plum job, after all, with my PhD in IIT, he thought. His father wanted a bride, whose father could give a lavish dowry.

But I didn't care. Fathers are not free from manipulation either. Know this truth.

I wanted this guy, for my emotional stability, and felt protective towards him from all evil forces.

We got married in 2011. On July 4th weekend that year, I came to the USA.

It was hard, making both families agree to the marriage. But love saw us through all the troubles. 

When I had no work permit due to dependent status, my father questioned my decisions, and made me feel guilty. The FIL would ask in every call, if I got a job, as if I came the USA to send him dollar money. I hated them for that, honestly.

You want your wives to birth boys, and expect the wife of a lonely immigrant man to go to work and earn, just so she can send you gifts? Ridiculous.

Anyway, apart from maybe six months total, in the last 14 years, we have never lived apart.

Yes, he doesn't inspire me with his video gaming, and he didn't help in driving. Their are many differences.

But well-wishes, not hurting, and being responsible parents for the kids, is core goal.

He understands my needs. Today, they've all gone to watch fireworks in a neighboring city. He didn't force me to come, because he knows how much I value my solitude these days.

I had to learn, write, and try to earn. I had to water the plants. I needed time to myself. I hate noise and chemical smells, I am mourning for the tragedies going on in the world. So, he made tea, cheese-egg bagels for us, and took the kids.

Bless this man, dear readers. Without the stability he gives me, I'd be a mess. I won't be able to shed light on issues as I do.

So, that's how I found my spouse. You didn't ask, but I told you anyway. I hope you find it heartwarming.