Love Is…

Love is many things. Let me show:

It's the little caring gestures..

My kids and I are reading cartoonist Charlie Mackesy’s book, ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse’. In this book, the friends are always having philosophical talks, full of self-improvement lessons.

So there is one conversation, that loosely sound like below:

“Sometimes I want to say I love you all, but I find it difficult, so I say something like, ‘I am glad we are all here.”

It brought a smile to my face.

It’s true.

We don’t always have to believe the advertising tricks that love is about gifts, restaurants, new clothes, etc.

It can be something deeper, unglamorous but more caring.

Sometimes, I tell my spouse that I am not feeling like working in the kitchen, can he make the snacks instead?

He does not say anything but goes down to the kitchen. He brings me a plate of sandwiches and tea. It makes me happy.

Yesterday, I saw the hamper full of clothes sorted and folded nicely. It made me so loved, though nobody said anything.

When I clean the clutter around his work table, when I take the kids away when he is having a meeting, he must be feeling it.

Love does not have to be words. It can be silent gestures.

Love is what feeds our souls, not what quenches our temptation.

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Love is an euphemism for value...

We have lots of euphemisms in this society.

We like to call sweating “perspiration.” We like to call defecation “bowel movement.”

Similarly, we like to call value “love.”

Euphemisms are just glorified words for something else.

I have seen many examples of how people behave when value is not added. Love dies when expected value is not brought.

For instance, a relative was giving me side glances, ready to spill vitriol, but then I handed some money to her kids, and suddenly her mouth opened, and her face softened.

On the other hand, some people treat me with passive-aggression and give silent treatment because I can’t fulfill their motivations.

When I had just finished my difficult MS degree and was sick, my apathy-filled father-in-law said he needed a grandson. I was not able to do that at the time (though now I have a daughter and a son), so I felt his negative vibes.

So, want love? Add value to their lives. Of course, if it’s worth it or is right. We don’t have to satisfy everybody’s whims or needs.

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Love is lots of situations and calculations!

“Love is blind.” “Marriages are made in heaven.” We are tired of hearing these clichés. Both are wrong.

I didn’t know that until I learned psychology.

I have written many articles on love too — the true version, not the misleading, varnished, hope-spinning Bollywood version.

Love stories have many trajectories and differences, but deep down, all follow the same formula.

Let me give a real-life example:

This man was not good-looking and came from a less privileged family. He studied very well though.

What was his insecurity? Looks and upper status, of course.

So, he saw this woman in his class with the above qualities, he chased her. Why would she respond to his moves? She did not want hypogamy.

But…

She had her insecurities too.

As a woman in engineering, she faced with difficulties.

A studious boyfriend will help, she knew.

He did in a myriad of ways, and friends knew them as a couple.

What would she do now? She had taken help.

So she agreed to marry him. But with conditions:

- Help me find a job.

- I have dreams to see the world. Take me to exotic places.

- I want to have fun and fashion. You have to cooperate.

He agreed to all. He wanted to fulfill his insecurities after all. They married.

I have met them and was repelled by them.

The man is too eager to please her. He runs around her with tripod stand to take hundred pictures of her.

The woman is snobbish. She posts fashionable travel pictures and expects flattering words from the viewers.

If not, she will block you. She even said ‘travel is a new status symbol’. ‘It feels good to make people envy by posting privilege pictures on social media’.

You can imagine her empathy level!

They may post their 10th anniversary pictures in Las Vegas, with narcissistic stuffs like “made for each other,” “best husband ever,” “soulmates” etc..

So you saw love happened? Opposite poles attracted? Or insecurities were fulfilled? In euphemism, you can say they complemented each other.

Not impressed though. If it was deeper, they would not care about the desperate validation from people.

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Many things. It can be honey, it can be venom.

What do you think about it? What do you think about my perspectives?