satire
Relationship satire can be cathartic; when love hurts too much, just laugh.
A Wise Woman
In a quiet village nestled between rolling hills and ancient woods, lived a woman named Elira. Her house sat at the edge of the forest, half-covered with ivy, with wind chimes made of glass bottles swaying in the breeze and wild herbs growing along the stone path. People said she had been born under a crescent moon, that she could speak with birds, and that time never touched her skin. Children whispered her name with a mix of fear and wonder: the Wise Woman of Linden Hollow.
By Muhammad Abdullah6 months ago in Humans
I Want A Wife
I want a wife who after her 8 hour day taking care of other people’s emotions, comes home with enough energy to cater to me and my feelings, and does not ask me to do the same. I want a wife who does not ask anything of me until I let her know I am ready for it. I want a wife who will ask me when I will be ready, and is satisfied when the answer is “not right now” with no real commitment to a later time. I want a wife who wants to share about her day with me but only when I am ready, without me knowing that she has already shared about her day with her friends. I want a wife who will sit and watch the TV shows that I want to watch with me until 9pm, and then do the chores we have designated for her. I want a wife who goes to bed early so she’s well-rested for tomorrow. I want a wife who will be understanding of my career without questioning my logic. I want a wife who is interested in my curiosities, and forgives me easily when I forget to ask about hers. I want a wife who doesn’t keep her curiosities to herself, even though I don’t really give her the chance to talk about them when she does bring them up. (To be fair, I get too excited and want to participate so badly that I interrupt her.) I want a wife that does not keep score of when I make mistakes, even when I scold her about the same exact mistakes. I want a wife who does not keep a list of things she has done wrong. It’s like she is attempting not to gaslight herself. I want a wife who wants to have sex with me regularly even though I have not done much beforehand to woo her, except in the way I am comfortable doing so. (I want a wife who does not care about who comes in bed first, mostly because I am so sensitive and always orgasm multiple times.) I want a wife who only wants to hang out with her friends once a month, since we need to work on our relationship, and we don’t get true quality time during the week. I want a wife who prioritizes herself, and is still helpful with my health issues first. I want a wife who will have a conversation with me when I am telling her about what she has done wrong, instead of only responding with “okay.” I want a wife who is understanding of my health issues but does not remind me to remember her own, because I am understanding but I can’t be as understanding when I am dealing with my own shit. I want a wife who doesn’t spend on her credit card. Sometimes she says we can’t afford groceries without it. I want a wife that forgives me when I spend $300 on stamps and coins because my spending impulse is going to happen regardless, so might as well spend it on investments. I want a wife to find a better-paying job. This is the first time I have seen her have a good time in a job. I want a wife who can do a side hustle on top of hanging out with me and regular chores and pulling energy out of her ass. I want a wife who can pull energy out of her ass at all, but who can also relax with me when she gets home. I want a wife who has energy for active things we can do together. I want a wife who can do everything and still have time and energy and space to do her hobbies, because she deserves to have time for that. I want a wife who does not need to be considered. I want a wife who is okay with me making plans with her family and friends without asking her, although I ask her to ask me when she wants to do the same thing. I want a wife who does not focus on whose fault it is, but does take accountability for her actions. I want a wife who does not focus on hypocrisy because everyone is hypocritical anyway, so why focus on it at all? I want a wife who does not care that my family does not know about her, does not care that my family will never know about the work she does. I want a wife who loves me unconditionally and stays unconditionally. I want a wife who is okay with an unfair, equitable relationship, and who still prioritizes herself because I know it’s important to prioritize yourself like I do. I want a wife who is okay that I am still figuring out how to work as and consider us as a couple. Funny enough, in the end, I am the one who asked her to marry me. I want a wife who is okay that I don’t really consider her in my future plans and is, in fact, happy at being invited. I want a wife who realizes what an honor it is that I am inviting her into my pre-planned life and does not want my plans to be adjusted for her and/or our partnership. I want a wife who understands that change is difficult for me, and I expect her to adjust to this quickly. I want a wife who is my everything. I cannot be her everything, and it is ridiculous for her to even expect that of me. I want a wife who dances the way I do. I don’t prefer to go out dancing. She’s constantly asking to go. I’ve rarely seen her dance the way she likes to. I can’t remember the last time I saw the joy it brings her.
By Ariana GonBon6 months ago in Humans
The Anxiety Generation
It’s 2:13 a.m., and I’m staring at the ceiling again. My phone lies face down on the nightstand, buzzing quietly under its own weight. I told myself I’d be asleep by midnight, but somewhere between doomscrolling and checking if that one text was left on “read,” my brain lit up like a siren.
By Emad Iqbal6 months ago in Humans
World’s largest Legoland opens to tourists in Shanghai
**World’s Largest Legoland Opens to Tourists in Shanghai** Shanghai has officially become home to the world’s largest Legoland resort. The much-anticipated Legoland Shanghai Resort opened its gates to the public on July 5, 2025, marking a major milestone in China’s family entertainment industry. Located in Fengjing, Jinshan District, the park spans an impressive 318,000 square meters, making it the largest Legoland in the world.
By GLOBAL NEWS6 months ago in Humans
The Independence Day
Independence Day, in its truest essence, is the independent gasp of a nation—an intangible instant condensed into history, memory, and legend. It is not so much a date enumerated by flags and parades; it is a throb of liberty, a transcendent liberation from the silences of servitude. By definition, Independence Day is the yearly celebration of a nation's freedom from foreign rule, colonial occupation, or tyrannical authority. But under this technicality is a maze of feelings, philosophies, and obligations beyond the ink of historical proclamations.
By Muhammad Abdullah6 months ago in Humans
