This Strange Thing Called Growth

I am at a new stage in my life and because of that I am thinking differently and that sets me apart from everyone I have ever known and loved. I am ready for something else. Something new. The next stage of my life I guezz you could call it.

I am tired of the same old thing. I am tired of living this same repetative lifestyle. And i am tired of being a social let down and failure and having nothing. This new way of thinking causes me to be awkward. I second guess muself and no longer do the things i used to. Things i have always done on a daily basis up until this point.

I don't see eye to eye with anyone I know right now and I am alone in my thoughts at this Stage in my life. Im not happy with the things I once was. The things everyone else is still happy with.

I come from dysfunctional. Dysfunctional family, dysfunctional environment and dysfunctional lifestyle. I used to share in those same thoughts. Thoughts that made me ok with living the lifestyle i grew up living. Thoughts that made me ok with breaking the law, using drugs, gang banging and many other dysfunctional lifestyle choices.

But now I am, what most of my family and friends would call, a "buzz kill". I am a "buzz kill" in my usual crowd because I am ready to progress. And though It is a good thing, because it is a part of life and shows growth, it is a sad and uncomfortable thing to go through in my dysfunctional life because it sets me apart from the crowd I once blended so well with and belonged to. It makes me an unusual outcast amongst my people and I am alone in this change. And I feel sad and flawed. I long to just go back to what I've known and to blend amongst my old crowd again. It hurts that I No longer belong here with the people I know and love...I am alone now. I don't belong here anymore. It hurts. But I don't know Where to go from here and I'm scared to take this unfamiliar path by myself.

I want to take those close to me with me. I don't want to move on just yet and live without those closest to me. Those that are heavily involved in my everyday life.

There is no going back though. And they are not ready for the same changes that I am. And they may never be. And i have to be ok with that. I can't unlearn all I know now. And i cant make them understand or think these thoughts for themselves. And though I am ready for this, I am not ready for this.

Dear God please give me strength. Please give me the strength I need to succeed. The strength I need to move in the direction I need to, to find my happiness again. Please give me the strength to do all these things even if that means i have to do it alone.

#PrayForMe

Song Choices for my Thoughts today are all by Tupac: "I Ain't Mad At You"..."Until The End Of Time"...And "Unconditional Love".

Have a blessed day everybody😇...Stay strong💪 And Do not fear the unknown🤔...Embrace It🤗💯

People come into your life for a reason🤦...A season🕵🍻...Or a lifetime👪...Either way be grateful and thankful for the time you have with them...Enjoy the ride🏍 And never ever regret anything! 💙💋

*Shame is a beautiful thing. Shame encourages change. Without it we would always do what we have always done and never change or progress. Own your shame and become better from it.