advice
Dating, married, single, divorced, and more. Advice on the relationships you have in life. Dear, Humans..
Into The Wilderness
I have recently become OBSESSED with the amazing researcher, author and keynote speaker, Brene Brown. For those of you who are not hip to her and her work yet, get on board NOW! For those of you who are familiar, you know what it is like to be impacted by her insight.
By Ashley Koepp5 years ago in Humans
A Long Term Relationship Is...
Let me get all the facts out there first - so you don't feel 'jaded' or 'tricked' when you read this whole thing. There are no books out there that will truly tell YOU how to handle YOUR relationship. You'll find more luck perusing the internet feeds from a standpoint of relationship advice, and probably find them more current than any book you'd be recommended to. And, to compare your relationship to others is probably not the best action to take, but it's one that makes sense when you start thinking yours is in trouble or shaky or whatever other words "fits" the scenario for you. It's possibly even all a play on words or maybe just a diatribe making the author feel better at the moment they wrote it.
By Kenny Peters5 years ago in Humans
Communication
In this day in age, it's easy to loose yourself. With so many things changing, new technology, pandemics, hunger, homelessness, etc. I remember a time when things were simpler. When you could ride a bike without worrying about getting kidnapped, no cell phones, dial up internet, TV's that had huge antennas, no gaming consoles. All you had was you. You played in the yard with whatever you had available, you read books, you listened to CD's, you watched movies on VHS tapes, but most of all you talked. When did we loose that? When did verbal communication disappear? I honestly miss those days. I miss sitting at the dinner table, TV off, just eating and talking, no matter what it was about. Things have definitely changed a lot. You can't go to a restaurant without seeing literally everyone on their cell phones. We've become lost. Lost to the real world, we've become numb. The things that should bother us don't. Talking is a foreign concept. You have a problem, you post it on Facebook OR Instagram. You did something amazing (or what you thought was amazing), you post it on Facebook OR Instagram. Nobody calls each other to tell them the good or bad. Honestly, those were the best days of my life, just talking, communicating. I guess it's just easier now for people to communicate through social media. No matter what they are feeling, they show it through an emoji, a picture, a song, a text. Don't get me wrong I've fallen into that too. I've texted people when there was an issue, I've posted a story when something was bothering me. Times are just changing.
By Krista Nakano5 years ago in Humans
The 5 Love Languages & Communication
I have read The 5 Love Languages and picked out my 2 most important in the past. However, I feel like this is something that needs to be reviewed every year. Our needs and desires change. Especially in different seasons of our lives. Newly married, having children, empty nest; whatever season you are in, your love language may be different than it was a year or two prior. It’s time to review them and figure out my own love language so that I can better communicate it with my own husband. Instead of just choosing which one or two I relate to most, however, I am going to rate them 1-5. One being most important and 5 being least important. I’m learning that as I grow older and my husband and I are married longer, that it’s important to acknowledge that we can relate to every love language in one moment or another and desire one over the other at different times. BUT we still have our core languages we relate to most and desire most.
By Jessica Ortiz5 years ago in Humans
Loving Someone in an Abusive Relationship
Most of us would immediately call the authorities to report abuse if we witnessed it, but all too often it is just not that easy. Abusers are crafted in their skill and often two steps ahead of a phone call to the police. If you have been in, or have loved someone in, an abusive relationship, you probably already understand that the complicated dynamics of reporting abuse can leave many of us questioning what we can really do to help.
By Melissa Kay5 years ago in Humans
Dating tips for dummies
It seems like when you are attracted to someone, it's hard to disguise it. Even when you want to play hard to get...we can't ignore the fact that this person makes us feel all mushy inside. I'm sure we all have been there...moving too fast, giving up the goods on the first night, and a lot more im sure you already have in mind. When I really like someone, I can like them a little too much. doing this could trigger some thoughts mentally that cant be easily controlled. This could cause a lot of heartache and pain emotionally if not handled with care (which trust me, I can relate to). These tips will help you handle the fragilities of your heart like grandma's favorite china!
By Muggy Tha Influencer5 years ago in Humans
Road To Freeing Yourself
Accepting you were abused is the first step to recovery. The mind must actualize the abuse and it may be hard to accept because it is traumatizing. Then you must forgive yourself for not understanding that the abuse was happening. Once you start to forgive yourself you begin to over stand the situation, because you can inner stand within yourself and stand up for who you are. The power of taking your power back is the sign of you recognizing your worth and, YES you are worthy. The next phase is dealing with guilt and shame, because of the treatment you allowed to be accepted, for you not know what you do when you are in the relationship with a toxic individual. Take the time to let everything sink in, and be gentle with yourself as you grow through this pain while in the process of healing. Now you begin to release the guilt and shame and send it back to the sender, but wait, pray for their healing as well. If the abuser actually heal is their choice it is none of your concern, continue to focus on you. Allow the experience to be a lesson to you and be grateful for it, and know you will not experience it again.
By Tecarra Jones5 years ago in Humans
Consent, let’s talk about it.
Consent, it’s not a hard concept to grasp, yet it must be broken down to its simplest forms. The discussion of consent should not be taboo, nor a debate. This is a need to have discussion within your relationships, situationships, one night stands, and or entanglements. It is evident that the masses are not properly equipped with such knowledge.
By Lahmia T. Mass5 years ago in Humans
Damaged Goods
Anyone that knows me knows that I don't usually get overly personal on social media-or really, at all. But with so much pedophilia and abuse being brought to light in the world, I think the story of my past could finally benefit someone else in a positive manner. I see so many young girls heading in the same direction I did at a young age-and it's terrifying. I see things so much differently now that I'm a mother, especially to a little girl. Every child will go through a rebellious stage-likely in their teen years-but as parents, it's our duty to keep an open line of communication and mutual respect with our children. You never truly know what kind of difference it can make. If your sixteen year old daughter starts talking to an older (20+ year old) man, DO NOT JUMP STRAIGHT TO THREATS/PUNISHMENT. Many teens will do/continue doing something solely because they're told not to. Instead, sit down and explain that this "man" does not love her-he simply needs to groom such a young girl because something is wrong with him to the point that a woman his age won't give him the time of day. Any "man" that has to chase a 16 year old CHILD, is a predator and will more than likely destroy her in some way, shape, or form in the end. I was that 16 year old that thought this was okay because I was mature beyond my years. While yes, I was far more mature that most 16 year olds, but looking back-I see just how wrong this was, I didn't then because I clearly wasn't thinking as adult-like as I thought I was at the time. Yeah, I was still in school, working almost 40 hours a week, and spending most of my time with my young nephew. I felt grown, but I was far from it. Having a sister I hung out with that is two years older, that had an older boyfriend-I typically hung around an older crowd. Most behaved appropriately and saw me as the "little sister" but one didn't. One saw a chance to prey and took it. One saw a chance to have his needs met without having to change his disgusting ways that an older, more mature woman would require. At the time, I felt almost proud of the fact that a 22 year old guy thought I was mature enough to give the time of day to. That was a 16 year old thinking like a typical stupid 16 year old. Yes, I clearly consented (as much as a 16 year old could) but do we really expect kids to make good decisions at all times? Time went on and I started seeing the red flags. Once he caught on that I was distancing, that's when I got the cancer sob story. I felt like the worst human on the planet for wanting to end it when he was going through something so horrible. So, I stayed and continued my teenage antics. A few months later, I was late and took a test. Considering two years prior, I had been told it would be extremely hard, if not unlikely, for me to have children-I was flooded with emotions. I was terrified, angry, and just wanted to go back and do everything different. He was arrested on unrelated felony charges shortly after. I began to see that I truly had no idea who this "man" was. And because I was already terrified enough, I tried lying to my parents about who impregnated their 16 year old baby. (Sorry mom and dad.) They didn't buy it, of course. Just like any parents would be, they were PISSED. They threatened to have him charged for statutory rape, which only scared me even more knowing that I would really be on my own if they did that. Little did I know, I would have avoided many years of trauma if I wouldn't have begged, screamed, and threatened them right back. Everything was as okay as it could be for a while. This beautiful little girl was welcomed into the world, and at that point-I think everyone was just thankful that we had her in our lives. After laying eyes on her, no one thought about how she got here anymore. Years went by and to say things went downhill is putting it very lightly. Lies had unfolded and came to light, flags were far more red than ever before, and I realized I really screwed up. I had to get away from it. I was controlled and manipulated to the point that I was barely able to speak to my family, I lost all of my friends, and I was still only being used to meet his needs-mine weren't valid. I was a warm body, a paycheck, and the one raising the child he helped create, only for him to do his own thing. I was miserable. When he realized how far gone it was, and that I mentally couldn't take anymore-HE decided another baby would fix it. Another baby would ensure that I HAD to stay with him, cause who really wants to raise TWO alone? Funny enough, I didn't have a say in this matter. He wanted it, he got it. Regardless of my begging and pleading to stop, he was getting his way. Of course the new child, my beautiful boy-did NOT fix anything as he thought it would. But, just like the first-after looking into that little guy's eyes, all of the Hell was worth it. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to love him given the circumstances, but my love for him was effortless. All of the negative disappeared from my mind for a bit, but unfortunately didn't last long. After having so many phones shattered, I quit buying new ones. After being screamed at and having so many things broken and thrown around, I quit speaking up. I quit talking to my family about it because I got tired of being told to "just leave" when it wasn't that easy and they knew it. I got tired of being followed around town by his friends that were police officers, so I quit trying to go anywhere without him. I got tired of trying to get him to stop acting nuts by threatening to call the cops, only to have it thrown in my face that he was friends with all of them and they wouldn't do anything to him (the one thing he ever said that was actually true.) I got tired of being accused of cleaning up for someone else, so I took 5 minute or less showers and neglected my personal preferences for hygiene. I got tired of being told I was writing love letters to someone else, so I quit writing to organize my thoughts. I got tired of being told I was talking to/looking for someone new, so I deleted all social media. I thought that was the lowest it could get, but I was sadly mistaken. The final straw on my mental health was the call from daycare. My four year old baby, not knowing any better, went to daycare telling them how she watched her daddy slice his forehead open with a kitchen knife. This is what I had to endure seeing and being threatened with for years, and knowing that this baby girl was looking right at him, he continued to try to prove a point. I told daycare to give me a week tops and my children would no longer be under the same roof. I was already to the point of not caring if I was alive or not-despite the two perfect babies I had to live for. My mental health was at an all time low, and that talk with the daycare manager was the straw that broke the camels back. I wasn't afraid of what would happen anymore. I wasn't afraid of what would happen to me or my house when he found out where I moved to. All I knew was that if something did happen, my babies would be safe given the people I had looking out for them. Thankfully, it didn't go as negatively as it could have thanks to a few family members and my angel Ty. Now, I've been away from him and the situation for two and a half years and my babies and I are as happy as can be on our own. I've learned alot of lessons from it all. Lessons that I'll be sure to educate my children on when they're older. My parents did try their best, but I didn't make it easy on them. I've always been stubborn and hard headed. Times have changed, and you almost have to go into parenting bracing yourself for stuff like above to prevent the same happening to your babies. Please, talk to your babies, even when they're little. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, and really follow through with that. Don't judge them or get mad at them when they make a poor decision, be there to help them find a positive solution. This is getting more and more common, and has become so normalized that it's scary. We need to be open with our babies about the cruelty of the world so they go through life knowing that not everyone they come across are rainbows and butterflies. As parents, I know we want to protect them from the evils of the world, but the best way to do that is to educate them on it; not keep them oblivious to it. Teach your teenage girls that this is NOT okay, and that something like this is sick and demented, not cool and not something to be proud of. Teach your boys that it's just as sick when an older woman preys on a teenage boy. It's not cool, and it's not something to be proud about. Again, it's sick on the predators part.
By Meila Barton5 years ago in Humans
Is being forced into sex during relationship rape?
As a person with links to someone who has been in this situation, I can only say that in my opinion the answer is yes, this is rape! Just because that person is your boyfriend / girlfriend, it doesn't mean that they have the right to have your body 100% of the time.
By Jade Aldridge5 years ago in Humans
