The 5 Love Languages & Communication

I have read The 5 Love Languages and picked out my 2 most important in the past. However, I feel like this is something that needs to be reviewed every year. Our needs and desires change. Especially in different seasons of our lives. Newly married, having children, empty nest; whatever season you are in, your love language may be different than it was a year or two prior. It’s time to review them and figure out my own love language so that I can better communicate it with my own husband. Instead of just choosing which one or two I relate to most, however, I am going to rate them 1-5. One being most important and 5 being least important. I’m learning that as I grow older and my husband and I are married longer, that it’s important to acknowledge that we can relate to every love language in one moment or another and desire one over the other at different times. BUT we still have our core languages we relate to most and desire most.

My Love Language rating:

1. Quality time is so much more than just spending time together. It means to spend time connecting. Having a conversation, doing something with one another without any outside distractions. No TV, no phones, and even no children (date nights). Of course having the nights where time is spent binging the latest TV show or just watching a movie is much needed and enjoyed, but paying special attention to the undivided attention with one another can teach so much about the other.

2. Acts of Service is doing something without being asked. Like taking over bath duty with the kids (without being asked) or preparing dinner, doing the dishes, or vacuuming. Or, if it’s unknown, asking how to be or service, what can be done to help, be of service. Try using these words like; “What can I do for you?” “I will stop and get…” “Do you need me to….”. We become self absorbed without meaning to. The day to day clouds the important acknowledgments.

3. Words of Affirmation can be received in different ways. Saying words of encouragement or telling a loved one how much they are loved, desired, appreciated. But, let’s not forget the other forms of receiving this can come in. Writing to someone, a note, text… whatever they might enjoy. Being surprised with a loving note or text can brighten someone’s day exponentially.

4. This next one, Physical Touch, can be mistaken by many as one very specific thing. It is so much more than that. Feeling a closeness by receiving a hug or a kiss, holding hands, or snuggling. Even though this language has ‘physical’ in the title, looking longingly and lovingly at someone, can generate a physical response. Knowing which way someone receives this is so very important because it can be different for everyone!

5. While receiving a gift is always nice and enjoyable. Take the time to note what type of gift is important to them. Something small? Like their favorite candy bar or a rose on your way home from work? Or a gift that requires planning and saving? However it is, every now and then, to receive a little surprise is lovely! It shows love in a different way, and it is special because it’s not something that is done all the time (typically). So when it is received, it makes it that much more thoughtful. For some (myself included) it doesn’t even have to be an actual item! Just remembering a special day and acknowledging it is a gift in itself. Kind of tying into the words of affirmation, receiving a sweet note or text is a nice little gift as well!

My husband is the most supportive man I know. Always here for me no matter what. It is so important to me to continue learning about his needs and desires and be attentive to them. I am going to be asking him to rate his love languages from 1-5 this weekend, and really pay special attention to the top 2 or 3 on his list. Think of the ways I can show him love, in the way he receives it best. I truly believe that this will help us in many ways, with communication, affection, and understanding one another.

Try this with your significant other! See how it improves your relationship. Take note of it and make it a priority to put the other’s needs first. If we all do this for one another, no one will be lacking! I’m excited to hear what my husband has to say and learn his love languages all over again! It will be like a 1st date, getting to know what he likes and doesn’t like. Because, as I said, our needs, desires, likes and dislikes change constantly. Don’t forget to check in with your loved ones!

The author of “The 5 Love Languages” -Gary Chapman, has a book of Love Languages for our children as well. I intend on reading this to get a better understanding of how our oldest (8) receives love. Show him the 5 languages, explain what they mean and have him tell us what is most important to him. I believe it will strengthen our bond and affection overall with one another.