Suz's Closet

“I’m leaving you because you should be with a woman”, he said.

My chin dropped. Then it wobbled. This was the worst timing. With the opening of my new store coming up in a couple of months, my needing to find someone to run the store, the insane schedule designing and making clothes for the new collection, and the general madness surrounding the recent new-found popularity of my brand; in other words, I didn’t really have the time to get dumped.

Will has been around for 5 years. He is solid, supportive, resourceful. He doesn’t usually surprise me. We grew into each other’s lives in an organic way. I know, knew, how to be with him. He is average enough. I’m good with average. Average is a level I can deal with.

“Are you outing me to myself?” I finally find the words.

This wasn’t the first time that he’d brought up this topic. There were a few conversations too many about the way I looked at women, how much I ‘touched’ my best friend Lisa (who was gay, and out), and about how our sex life had dwindled into a routine I could, and did do, with my eyes closed. But never enough to prepare me for this abrupt cessation of our long-term union.

I was more incredulous than anything else. My response was to turn to the mirror on my side of the bed. I often didn’t look at myself until I was confronted. Then I had to face my average awkwardness - a boring, nondescript profile. From the neck down my clothes were magnificent, of course. No wonder I put so much energy into fabrics. But none of that could save me right now.

I turned back to him, knocking some of my lotions over, and tried a smile.

“Don’t be silly. It’s just a bad phase. I’ve been too busy to be anything at all.”

There and then we both knew it was the end either way.

“I know this isn’t perfect timing, what with your interviews coming up today and..” I never heard the end of that sentence, rushing into the shower to get ready. The interviews! I was going to be late!

I found the four of them waiting outside the shop. How embarrassing, my usual self, running late and unprepared, their online forms spilling out of my enormous handbag. Good job Suz. Excellent first impression. I ask them to give me a minute ‘to collect my thoughts’ and give myself a little talking to about how they were here to impress me. I’d thought of this great thing where instead of interviewing them one at a time, I would hold a group discussion about how to deal with clients, how to improve the office, what their experience in retail was and so on. I wasn’t sure if this was an entirely ethical method but as I placed the chairs in a circle I realised that there was no walking away from this at this point.

“My name is Alison, and I’m a mother of two. Now that my children are going to school I thought it may be interesting to do something creative with my free time.” free time?

“I’m Petra, and I’ve been in retail for 8 years after completing my MBA.” I’m sure she was going to add much more to that, but the next candidate jumped in..

"I’m Kim and I’m an alcoholic. Oh, oh, wrong meeting!” She paused for effect, and they all turned to look at me, kind of flushed. “Just kidding, not about my name of course. I am Kim, I actually studied I.T. but I’m looking to do something a little different right now. I saw this ad and thought ‘Why not?’ “ She flashed me a face-splitting grin. Something in the pit of my stomach did a little jump, and I blushed.

“Oh. ha ha. My turn. My name is Claire and I just completed my fashion and design course. This would be a great first step for me.” First step? One of many? Did she want to learn the ropes and then move on?

Alison was almost as ruffled as I was that morning. I definitely didn’t need another klutz. Also, do you turn up to interview for this kind of job in such boring clothes?

But most importantly - which one of them smelled so divine?

___________________________________________________

“What do you mean, he outed you to yourself? There was nothing to out. You were clear with him from the start. You even told him about your fling with Chira.”

My bestie Lisa was pragmatic about the comforting part. She sucked on a cigarette with her right hand, stroking my arm with the other. Unlike Will, she could look me right in the eye.

“It wasn’t the first time he hinted at this. Usually it would be during an argument, not stone cold after I’d had my coffee. Level-headed. Remember when I thought he was a homophobe? After that big argument last July. He said I was a freak, that I should decide either way.”

I hadn’t yet cried.

“Come on, let’s make plans for the weekend. Some good wine, I’ll introduce you to the singles club.. but beware, those girls are voracious!”

“Liiiiiis! Stop! You’re disgusting.”

“No. You’re disgusting, my crepe Suzette.” She planted a big wet kiss on my lips, and got up to leave. “My sexy shoulder is ready for your tears when they come.”

She bumps into Will on her way out. Obviously.

“You didn’t waste ANY time, did you? Just as I thought. Don’t worry, I’m just here to pick up some things and I’ll be out of your…” He didn’t continue, kind of shook from the shoulders, sniffled, gathered his things and left. I didn’t have the strength to get a word out.

___________________________________________________

“I’m so glad that you could start immediately. The place isn’t ready yet, but it will be for the big outing… opening. OPENING. I need to show you around. You can put your stuff there. The bathroom is there... Hi. “ I try to shake her hand. “I talk too much. Hi Kim. Welcome to Suz’s Closet!”

Kim was probably not the most sensible choice, objectively, but she was the most approachable. I thought I needed a counterpart that could present the shop front in exactly all the ways I couldn’t. Funny, pretty, smiley; the sort of put-together kind of person who seemed available enough for the part without calling it something that it wasn’t. She was also the owner of a perfectly enticing perfume-body-odour combo that flicked a switch in my body.

Ha! See! Will’s voice entered my head. Hold your horses Will, I’m doing what’s best for the shop.

Great, I’m having internal dialogue with my ex. I had spent a full, long, minute staring at Kim - her waiting for instructions. This didn’t disturb her a little bit.

“I could just shadow you today, start to learn by watching,” she offered. “Yes, right, good idea. Let’s do that.” She flashed another smile, accompanied by a wink. Shit.

___________________________________________________

Within the week, Kim started to handle my online purchases, had my coffee preference down to a T, and seemed to waft around what was basically still a construction site with great finesse. Her appearance was still spotless at the end of the day. It baffled me. I just had to ask.

“Oh. I just have a few simple tricks.” She proceeded to show me the contents of her handbag: a notebook/diary with very detailed lists and sticky notes, a ‘first aid’ kit with beauty products, another book by a favourite author, and a pair of headphones. “I’ve learned the art of self-awareness and the dexterity for a quick recharge.”

“I seem to be the least put together person I know.”

It was the first time I’d seen her frown. “Are you kidding me? My friends are so envious that I got this job and that I get to spend my time with you. You’re the smartest, most creative, down-to-earth genius I know” A big belly laugh followed, while I kind of felt sick to the stomach. Was this person making fun of her own boss so blatantly? I envied the way she could say such things, speak eloquently, and be so out-of-place. How, why, is she smiling again?

A ringing phone saved me the humiliation of having to answer that.

“Hey crepe. How’re you holding up? I was thinking we could go to the Hinge party this Friday. There’s a few people I want to introduce you to. Plus there’s a really hot girl I wanna see. I’m hoping she’ll be there.”

I felt myself blush. Lisa had gone into full live-wire mode. This wasn’t really my scene. I had met Will in a bookshop. And Chira during evening classes. I wasn’t the clubbing sort. We hardly spoke the same language when we were out together. But a part of me wanted to please her, almost reward her for her efforts at keeping me going, and making sure I didn’t spend too much time alone at weekends. And now that Will wasn’t around, I didn’t have to watch my moves around her anymore. I had started to realise how conservative he’d been about our friendship being ‘far too close’. Lisa just had a flirty nature, full stop. She kissed tons of people on the lips, she was cheeky and provocative. She got a kick out of it. But why was she dragging me to a club just to see a hot girl that she wasn’t even sure would be there…? Oh…

Again, all the blood in my body made its way to my face.

Kim was packing her things for the day behind me. “I left a note for the delivery man so he won’t turn up while we’re out and we’re out of those small boxes so I’ll get some in the morning before I get in.” She leaned in closer and before I knew what was happening she gave me a half hug. “Thought you looked like you needed it today. Goodnight, have a good rest, I’ll see you bright and early.”

____________________________________________________

I’m not one to give too much thought into getting ready for Friday nights at the club. My dresses are enough of a signature style, and I’m spoiled for choice since I keep making more of them but have had fewer occasions to show them off other than at work. So basically my best outfits are the ones I wear at the shop. So why was I fussing tonight? Lisa was coming over at 9pm for a drink before we headed out to the Hinge party. At 8:40pm I was restyling my hair, changing into a different outfit. My thoughts were racing, and my heart beating faster. I kept looking at the time. Ah, maybe I overdid it with the caffeine today.

When Lisa arrived and leaned over for her usual peck on the cheek, I slipped my hand around her back and stuck my tongue in her mouth. What was I thinking?! Clearly I wasn’t. She gently pushed me away and laughed.

“Freeeeeeak! What are you doing? You don’t have to do everything that half-brained ex of yours suggests!”

“I… I thought… you said there might be a hot girl at the club. I thought…”

“Hahahaha! And you thought I was flirting with you? You thought the hot girl was… you? Come here.” She moved to the sofa and patted the seat next to her.

“Sweetie, my crepe Suzette. We’re friends. That’s it. This isn’t a thing. If it was going to be a thing, it would have been a long time ago.” She hugged me tight.

“It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. Don’t be so flustered! Let’s crack open that gin, the party won’t be good for another hour.”

____________________________________________________

When I got to the shop on Monday Kim had laid out the banner on the floor, there were gift bags on one side, and she was sitting on the other side with a coffee and a bunch of lists.

“Morning! How are you? I know there’s only a week left, but everything is ready. We just need to decide what you’re going to wear. I mean all your clothes are fab and you’d look great in anything. Maybe you can change every half hour. So many people have already RSVPed. Your coffee is on the desk by the way. I’m talking too much again… I’m so excited!”

I was embarrassed to know that I’d hired her because she was basically the most charming one. I never expected her to be this efficient.

“Oh and my friend Jen ordered another 2 outfits online. I already told her she should wait till the opening, but insisted on wearing the green piece from the new collection to the opening. She’ll be coming alone though. She’s still reeling from her break-up.”

“This Jen is becoming my favourite client. She’s basically paying your salary. You should thank her too.”

“Well, you’ll get to thank her in person soon.”

____________________________________________________

“Hey, hey, hey! Good morning! Happy anniversary!”

Kim presented me with a large bouquet of Calla Lilies - my favourite - and gave me a tight hug.

“Thank you! Oh wow. Yeah, that day I can barely remember because I was walking on clouds for 5 hours or so.”

“Oh I think we both know why you were walking on clouds, especially towards the end of the party...Which reminds me… Alberto’s or The Terrace?”

“What?”

“For the other important anniversary! I can’t believe you’re still blushing about this. The owner of Suz’s Closet blushes about… ok, ok, not that same joke again. Come on, it’s only … what? A week, two weeks away? What is the official date?”

“I guess it’s in two weeks’ time. Things progressed pretty fast after the big opening.” I smiled. It had been a great year.

“Yeah they did!” Honestly, I don’t know where she found this energy so early in the morning. I found my hot cappucino in the usual place, with a little wobbly heart drawn on the foam in cocoa.

“How cute Kim, thanks. Your attention to detail is amazing. But I still need to show you how to steady that hand. And Kim, I feel like I wouldn’t have had much to celebrate if you hadn’t stuck your paws right into my business. Both businesses.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled. “So…?”

The phone rang and she answered it mid-sentence.

“Good morning Suz’s Closet! How may I help you? Oh hey, haha, let me pass you on. Did you forget to give her a packed lunch? She’s only been here 2 minutes. Ok, ok, I’ll stop. See ya later…”

And to me, “It’s Jen. She says she missed you in the last 20 minutes.” She pulled her tongue out and carried her coffee off to the other room.