Secrets Within The Family Hidden from Both Parents and Children

About family secrets - the family group is the group in which members are extremely close physically and emotionally, but this closeness often leads to the need for privacy, but also to the desire to hide some things from others, parents from children, children to parents and parents to each other. What secrets appear within the family and why do they appear?

Secrets within the family: secrets of parents

Parents often want to hide from their children (especially young children) certain difficult realities, problems that affect in one way or another family life. the three main types of secrets kept by parents are those related to financial problems; a parent's health problems (from illnesses to addictions such as alcoholism); relationship problems between the two partners (conflicts or even the intention of separation).

It is a normal thing, as long as the parent wants to protect a child from difficult realities and does not want to burden him with life's problems.

It is a good idea not to put a heavy burden on the child's shoulders, especially on a small child, as he or she may sometimes be overweight - so keeping the child away from difficult details is indeed a good option.

But if there is a really serious problem, which will visibly affect family life: so if there are big money problems; if one of the parents is seriously ill, will need hospitalization or is dependent; if the conflicting relationship is likely to lead to divorce - in all these cases, it is preferable not to completely hide the reality, to prepare the child as much as you can, to tell him a part of the truth.

The child is intuitive, he sees, hears, and draws conclusions - so he suspects when something is wrong in the family. And if you keep such a secret from him until the last moment, when you have to tell him, the shock will be great. It's best to tell her a little bit of the truth, "We're not good with money, so we may not be able to buy you much for a while." Doctors ","

Dad and Mom are arguing lately, they don't get along very well "instead of suddenly announcing" We don't have any more money "," Dad / Mom is in the hospital "," Dad and Mom are breaking up "! If you keep such a secret until the last moment, hoping to protect the child, but you will eventually have to tell him the truth, the child will be surprised, even shocked, and will be angry because he was lied to, he was excluded. from the family and ignored.

Speaking of family secrets, parents also hide certain intimate things from their children (apart from their intimate relationship) - they often hide their real emotions.

For example, a nervous or sad parent may strive to display a cheerful mask, hiding his or her emotions as a child - all to protect him or her. It is beneficial - a young child should not become the parent's confidant, who pours his sadness or anger in front of him, a child should not often witness intense negative emotional manifestations.

But you don't even have to always put on your mask and close yourself emotionally to the child: if you can't open up to him, you can't talk to him honestly and you don't show him how you feel, he will do the same - he will hide from you his real emotions, believing, perhaps, that "there is no talk of emotions."

As for the secrets between adult partners, you can read some things in the article Secrets in a couple - what is important to know is that you should not make the child an accomplice, ask him to keep a secret from the other parent (you show him that it's okay to hide things)!

Secrets in the family: children's secrets

What secrets do children keep from their parents? The little child hides, often with great talent, the little antics: he becomes a little expert in inventing reasons why the vase broke; the remote control has broken; the curtain broke, and so on, etc….

This is to avoid the consequences of mischief: quarrel or punishment. This is what any child does, nothing out of the ordinary (but if you realize that he often hides such things, avoiding confessing, you can also think if you do not react exaggeratedly, with punishments or screams at small nausea of ​​the child).

Very intimate things are other children's secrets: for example, when a child has a small passion for someone, he will not want to tell his parents (return to the part about the emotional closure of the parent, which can cause the child's closure).

Or things that the child is ashamed of, embarrassed: that he cried, that he watered the bed at a young age; that he is afraid of certain things, even though he is already big (ghosts, darkness) - the child feels that he could be laughed at if he confesses such things, so he keeps them secret.

School results are still a secret that the child wants to keep from his parents - of course, when they are not too good! Although he knows that you will find out in the end, he postpones the moment, fearing your reaction (maybe you have too high expectations: you shouldn't ask him to be a 10th-grade student on the line, good at all, you ask too a lot).

In adolescence, the secrets in the family - of the adolescent towards his parents can be divided into three main categories: where and with whom he goes in the evening; drinks and cigarettes; sex. Almost every teenager sometimes hides the fact that he goes to the club, resorting to the "sleep at colleague X" tactic; almost every teenager hides, often with the talent, the fact that he still drinks (and sometimes smokes); and almost every teenager hides every sexual aspect, from what he wants to what he will do.

This is the reality - no matter how open and friendly you are, the teenager cares about both his privacy and his freedom - so, to keep his freedom, he keeps some secrets. As parents, it is good to be aware of this truth and try to talk to him about all these aspects, telling him that you can accept some things, that you would rather know what he is doing than be lied to.

Because the teenager will go to clubs, drink sometimes (even smoke), want to explore his sexuality - when he thinks that his parents would not understand, would not accept and restrict his freedom, he will cleverly hide all this.