No One Loses By Giving Love, Loses Who Does Not Know How To Receive It

Nobody loses when they give love, because doing it with truth, passion, and gentle affection elevates us as individuals.

On the other hand, those who do not know how to receive it or take care of that immense gift are the ones who really lose. So remember, never regret having loved and lost, because the worst thing is not knowing how to love.

Fortunately, neuroscience is providing us with new facts every day that explains why we act the way we do in this love.

The first thing to remember is that the human brain is not prepared for loss, it surpasses us, immobilizes us and cloisters us for a time in the palace of suffering.

"Love has no cure, but it is the cure for all ills"

-Leonard Cohen-

We are genetically programmed to connect with each other and to build emotional bonds with which to feel safe, and with which to build a project. This is how we have survived as a species, "connecting", hence a loss, a separation and even a simple misunderstanding cause the alarm signal in our brain to jump instantly.

Now, another complex aspect of the subject of effective relationships is the way in which we face this separation, this rupture. From a neurological point of view, it can be said that stress hormones begin to be released instantly, forming in many cases what is known as "the broken heart". However, from an emotional and psychological point of view, what many people feel is another kind of reality.

They don't just experience the pain of missing the loved one. They feel a loss of energy, of vital breath. It is as if all the love given, all the hopes and affections dedicated to that person are gone too, leaving them empty, barren, withered...

So how can we love again if the only thing that dwells within us is the dust of a bad memory? We need to face these moments in a different way. I talk about it below.

Giving love or avoiding loving again

All of us are a delicate and chaotic compendium of past stories, of lived emotions, of buried bitterness and camouflaged fears. When a new relationship is started, no one does so by previously sending all their past experiences to the recycle bin. No one starts from "0". Everything is there, and the way we have managed our past will make us live an affective and emotional present with greater maturity, with greater fullness.

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"

-Alfred Lord Tennyson-

Now, the fact of having lived in our own skin a bitter betrayal, simply, perceiving that love has been extinguished in the heart of our partner changes a lot the way we see things. Giving love with intensity during a certain time, and then staying empty and cloistered in the room of memories and lost illusions, often change the architecture of our personality.

There is no lack of those who become distrustful, and even those who gradually develop the icy and iron armour of isolation were to internalize the classic mantra of "better not to love so as not to suffer". However, it is necessary to tear down a basic idea in these processes of slow "self-destruction".

We should never regret having loved, having risked an all or nothing for that person. It is those acts that dignify us, that make us human and wonderful at the same time. To live is to love and to love is to give meaning to our lives through all the things we do: our work, our hobbies, our personal and effective relationships...

If we renounce to love or repent for having offered it, we also renounce the most beautiful part of ourselves.

Healing Lost Love

According to a study carried out at University College London, there are certain differences between men and women when facing an emotional breakdown. The emotional response seems to be very different. Women feel much more about the impact of separation, however, it is common for them to recover earlier than men.

They, on the other hand, usually appear to be well, they dress in the mask of the fortress taking refuge in their occupations and responsibilities. However, they don't always manage to overcome that breakup or take years to do so. The reason? The female sex usually has better skills to manage their emotional world. Facilitating relief, seeking support and facing what happened from a perspective where forgiveness is found and the attitude of turning the page usually makes things easier.

Be that as it may, and beyond the genders or the reason that has originated that rupture, some things are clear that it is necessary to inoculate our hearts as a vaccine. No emotional failure should deny us our chance to be happy again. Let's say "no" to being slaves of the past and eternal captives of suffering.

Another aspect that is good to remember is that loving is not synonymous with suffering. Let's not feed hopes or lengthen the "gum" of a relationship that in advance has an expiration date. A withdrawal on time saves hearts and a brave goodbye closes a door to open another, the one where love is always combined with the word HAPPINESS.