My Wife Has Become a Lesbian

My wife has become a lesbian - what do I do ?! First of all, you need to know that a person - a woman or a man - does not suddenly become a lesbian or a homosexual, does not suddenly change his sexual orientation!

Indeed, women and men over the age of 35–40 often realize that they are gay or lesbian. But the reality is that they were before, from birth like this - only they did not realize this fact or repressed it deeply, trying to ignore what their sexuality told them…

So, one important thing to keep in mind is when you ask yourself, "My wife has become a lesbian - what am I doing?" is that it has not changed suddenly!

Either emotional and sexual maturity helped her finally realize her real desires, or she knew it, but she tried to "heal" herself, she tried to have a marriage and a normal life - but she still didn't succeed in adulthood. 

Many times, this news can shock you: many couples in which one of the partners is, in fact, homosexual, but repress their desires, have a harmonious relationship. The partners get along very well emotionally and sometimes, for a while, even the sex life seems satisfying.

Partners are good friends - precisely because a lesbian does not choose a partner with whom she is sexually attracted, but one with whom she connects emotionally and intellectually! So the realization that she was all this time lesbian may shock.

You had a normal family life, good jobs, beautiful children - and one day she tells you that she is a lesbian… When women reach this awareness of their sexual orientation or when they snort and can no longer keep it hidden, initially a sexual removal, but also emotional. Then comes the shocking news…

My wife has become a lesbian - what do I do:

Talk to her. Sometimes women over the age of 40 can get into a so-called middle-age crisis - so maybe it's just confusion caused by dissatisfaction. Talk to her - she's the only person who knows exactly how she feels. Is she a lesbian?

Then you have to do two essential things: one, that she can't "heal" or change her mind; and two, as such a family gives rise to resentment and anxiety, so it is better for both partners and children for them to separate…

It doesn't give you hope. No sense in telling you now - I don't wanna ruin the surprise. He did not treat her as if she were ill - he realized that nothing could "cure" her. It is useless to ask her for advice - a psychologist cannot change her natural sexuality. Counseling can only help you clarify certain issues and can only help you as a couple to build a plan, to decide how to proceed.

The kids. Children, if any, must be the priority. Sometimes, when you ask yourself "my wife has become a lesbian - what do I do?", You may think that it is healthier for children to pretend that everything is fine and to stay together, mimicking a happy family.

But that doesn't work. You, as a betrayed husband (yes, you will feel betrayed even if you have not been practically cheated), will develop resentment, anxiety, nervousness, and the fear that she may be in your bedroom with another woman while you are at work!

What kind of family life will this be - to think fearfully that you will catch her with another woman? And she, even though you have no guilt, will develop resentment towards you, because she will look at you as an obstacle to a full life.

As long as you stay home with her, she will not feel free. So what kind of family will you be? Is it good for children to grow up in such a family, which is a lie? You may think you are protecting them. But children are extraordinarily intuitive and will realize that something is wrong. And in the end, they will know - and they will be angry that they have been lied to for so long.

Although it is only your choice, in a situation like this, the healthiest solution is separation.

You must remain parents! Do everything you can, everything you can because it leads to a somewhat friendly separation… You are hurt and angry - do what you have to get rid of tensions and negative emotions. It is important to stay a parent for children and that means you can talk and stay together in the same room.

For a while, anger and sadness can stop you from communicating with her, they can prevent a friendly separation. But with help and in time, you will realize that it is the responsible way.

No matter how much it shocks, hurts, and infuriates you, remember that it was not her choice - she has no choice now that she is aware and accepts her real desires. And it's not your fault - you have no choice, you can't force her to live a lie.

Help yourself. How can you get rid of the amalgam of negative emotions that drive you crazy? Call an advisor. Or go to a counselor together to help you discuss and bring everything to the surface.

Look for online support groups from abroad - there are various groups for men with lesbian wives. But last but not least, the headline made you read this article.

"My wife has become a lesbian - what do I do with my relatives and friends" ?! If you end up separating, it can be hard to tell your relatives and friends the real reason.

You have to realize that none of this is your fault - your wife didn't suddenly become a lesbian because you couldn't satisfy her! The best husband in the world cannot avoid or change such a situation. As the saying goes, she's always been that way.

There is no shame in this situation, but you can still feel embarrassed. It is your choice whether to tell relatives and friends the real reason or not. But at least with close friends, it's good to talk and get free. You might be amazed; While you never suspected anything, friends often suspect the truth because they see what you ignore…