How to Talk About Sex With Your Child

Many parents are afraid or ashamed to talk to their children about sex. But no matter how difficult or unpleasant the subject may be, it is necessary to talk to your child about it.

10–15 years ago, discussions about sex, sexuality, or condoms were still unacceptable and even considered vulgar and indecent.

But with the advent of modern technology and the abundance of information at a click away about sexuality, sex, rape, or pornography, the danger of misinformation is growing. Therefore, to prevent the child from being exposed to certain risks, the parent must ensure the correct psychosexual education.

What is the optimal age when we can talk to the child about this topic? Often, already at the age of 8, the little ones find out from other sources where the children come from, which means sex, pornography, sexual intercourse. That is why the parent needs to anticipate such discussions.

It is very important to make the child understand that sex is part of our life.

The most common fears parents face when it comes to such discussions are:

• prejudices of society;

• a taboo subject in the family;

• fear of speaking on a given topic;

• shame;

• their childhood traumas;

• limiting beliefs, such as: "I found out on my own, my parents didn't tell me";

I don't know how to talk to the child. Why should you discuss this topic with your child?

1. The child will find the correct information from reliable sources.
2. The child will be able to distinguish the correct information from the erroneous one that he can find alone on the internet or hear from colleagues;
3. You will help the child to form a correct concept about his own body;
4. You will contribute to the development of the child's psychosexual identity;
5. The child will be protected from early pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases;
6. You will prevent violence or sexual abuse.

And very important. The child must be helped to understand and recognize dangerous situations. The kid must distinguish the comforts and good hugs received in the family from those situations when, whether a stranger or an acquaintance, he proposes sexually explicit things: inappropriate discussions about sex, watching erotic movies together, asking to touch different areas, etc.

The child must be taught to express his disagreement firmly and without fear of appealing to his parents. Tell the little one that these people usually do not expect a child to disagree and they move away.

At what age and what should we talk about?

Psychologists believe that already at the age of 3 the child has the first signs of personality development. Therefore, this age is considered the most appropriate.

Between 3–6 years

During this period, children show interest in the differences between girls and boys. You can easily explain the difference that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. We tell them that these things are not talked about in public, but only with close people, because they are intimate (because that place is only his / her).

At the age of 4, we can tell them that mothers have a womb in their womb where the baby grows until it is ready to be born. Only at the age of 5–6 can the child be told that a small cell of the father meets with a cell of the mother and they give birth to the baby.

Between 7–10 years

At this age, many people already know how babies look from friends. Now they are interested in how the sexual organs work. The parent must explain clearly and correctly, naming the sexual organs.

At almost the age of 10, it is good to talk about puberty, sexual abuse, menstruation, or pollution.

Between 11–12 years

At this age, you can no longer avoid this subject. It is necessary to explain to the young man about hormonal changes, about the development of female and male sexual organs, about sex, pregnancy, rape, STDs, etc. The discussion is aimed at both clarification and reassurance.

Careful! Not to scare him, but to help him avoid the pitfalls of maturity. Explain that the hormonal storm (which is not visible) may be accompanied by mood swings, dissatisfaction, fear, anxiety, impulsivity attacks, etc.

Help the child to accept his body image, the physiological changes that take place during this period - breast augmentation, the onset of menstruation, the change of voice in boys, the appearance of hair, beard, etc.

Between 13–18 years old

During this period, the child becomes aware of his sexuality and feels embarrassed in the presence of his parents. Now is the right time to discuss the first sexual act, pregnancy, and protection. Many believe that it is too early to arouse their interest.

It depends on how you handle the discussion, how you convey the message. It is necessary to communicate that any task involves responsibility for the new life, sacrifices, and at the same time dedication. And rest assured, your child will make the right choice.

Know that your behavior with your partner is best talked about sexuality! The young man is the witness of your relationship - if there is love, he will have a relationship model built on love, trust, support, affection, if there is quarrel, violence, he will have a relationship model based on fear, abuse, distance, hate.

Final recommendations for parents:

1. Don't ignore children's questions about sex.
2. Accept that the exploration of one's own body by the little ones is natural.
3. Use the correct names of the sexual organs.
4. Explain the differences between the body of a girl and a boy.
5. Explain how physical and hormonal changes take place at puberty.
6. Be the one from whom the child learns the truth about sex at the right time.
7. Do not scare the child and be careful not to convey your fears or anxieties. Sometimes false information can cause enormous damage to the young person's future sex life.
8. Call a specialist for new information or you can arrange a consultation with your child at a gynecologist/sexologist/urologist.
9. And if you can't discuss sexuality with your child at all, then call a psychologist who will explain why it is difficult for you to talk about it.
10. Remember, a well-informed child will grow up harmoniously, will know how to overcome social stereotypes, and will be responsible for his or her actions.