A setting sun and a shattering heart

And then , i was silenced by the hush of your blackmail. Putting words together like " oh ,.. its okay dont mind . i never meant to hurt you " . But who knew deep inside , i was fighting a battle. Against the wrong and right ; why am i silenced with no valid reason and no perfect crime? Some tears cascaded inside without letting anyone know what it was , but i for sure knew something broke inside . A trust and a believe in oneself , that i have control over what i own ; my life . As an adult , i never thought i would be subjected to such harsh disagreements because now is when i have an opinion of my own . I have grown up and i understand things better , the world better and can take care of myself . But maybe we never grow up for our parents but thats still , is injustice to me because they are taking away my part of freedom ; the one i am born with . I had to be emotional , i had to be griefing because apparently it was just childish tantrums but to me it meant a whole world . To stand for oneself , to speak for oneself , it was all taken away and i was left helpless .

What do you call the emotional trauma you put your child through? A sense of care and well being of him ? A BIG No!!

You are actually abusing your power to have the upper hand because you gave birth to that creature , you have a right over them and such is that right , that it dominates the rights that being have for himself . Sorry to say , you leave him traumatised . More damage than what that "yes , you can go out on this risky adventure " would cause .

I sat there , weeping some silent tears at my own misery and carrying a heavy burden of that blackmailing part of our conversation which pushed me back into the times i had faced my worst depression. I couldn't be that person again , i can't afford it anymore ; I told myself . I had barely came out of what we call a dark phase where each and every day is just to remind you how worthless you are , how unwanted you are and how pointless it is for you to exist. For love and devotion never sneak a peek at you there , all you have got is negativity surrounding you . I made up my own mind , wiped off my tears and begin to face life again .

But , i still have that rejection . I still have the pain in my heart how you blackmailed me , tortured me ; no doubt for my own good but that was the worse one could do in the name of love. You betrayed me in the name of love , you cared for me in a way i don't feel to care for myself anymore . I can't face myself for how far i had come and all that progress was under the mud in less than a minute . You silenced me but now this heart will never stops screaming , crying and asking me to give it back its integrity and faith it had in me . I betrayed me and you made me do this . You silenced me with your words and i am out of emotions now 🕊️