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The Black Box

A spooky Micro

By Hannah MoorePublished about a year ago 1 min read
Top Story - October 2024
The Black Box
Photo by Anantha Krishna A on Unsplash

There was only one rule: don’t open the door. You could scream, weep, wet your pants, as long as you didn’t open the door.

“How can it be that hard?” Matthew had asked.

Jaime had laughed, eyes wide with imagined horrors, and bitten into her candyfloss. “Well nobody knows what happens in there, but nobody’s won the prize yet!”

“Dad, you freaked out when you got locked in the toilet.” Ella loved bringing that up. “I don’t reckon it’s for you.”

Which was why he was now stood in the middle of a black curtained cube, shivering in his boxer shorts. He had taken the blindfold off after the prescribed twenty seconds, and now he wasn’t even sure where the door WAS.

Outside, he could hear the hubbub of the fair, and nearer, Ella’s voice. “….bet he wimps out…”, then Jaime’s “…home for dinner….”, then nearer still, a hiss. Matthew looked towards the sound and saw a sallow vapour seeping from beneath the curtain, creeping across the wet concrete floor. Was that a stain? He bent to look closer, and the lights went out.

It took a second to realise the sound had gone too. Matthew stood for a moment listening to his heartbeat, the scuff of something nearby, a flutter at the curtains, and… a second heartbeat? And then the screaming started. From every side, beyond his walls, the screams tore across the air, cut off in guttural gasps.

Then Ella’s voice, almost beside him. “Let me in! Dad, let me in.” Jaime’s too, and a hammering. Matthew lunged for a curtain, groping his way towards the noise, touching softness, wetness, unaccountable warmth and finally, a handle. “Dad! Please!”, “Ella, RUN!”, and a scream, two screams, and again, was that a second heartbeat, beneath his, in the sudden silence?

fiction

About the Creator

Hannah Moore

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  1. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  4. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  5. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

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Comments (44)

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  • L.C. Schäferabout a year ago

    Was it an escape room? and something went wrong? my pulse is up anyway!

  • C. Rommial Butlerabout a year ago

    A well-wrought, random scene of terror!

  • MT Poetryabout a year ago

    Gave me chills! You can really feel the fear and confusion in that room.

  • Joe O’Connorabout a year ago

    I like how the intensity ratchets up as soon as he’s inside the box. The stuff of fairground nightmares indeed!

  • R. B. Boothabout a year ago

    Very fun, great job. Congratulations on TS.

  • Cindy Calderabout a year ago

    Back to say congratulations, Hannah, on placing second for Most Popular Story on this week's leaderboard with this amazing piece.

  • Jason “Jay” Benskinabout a year ago

    Nice work! Congrats on TS!!!

  • JeanetteMercerabout a year ago

    Good work!

  • Shaidh Ahmadabout a year ago

    Fabulous story by Hannah Moore, congratulations on the top story

  • Kodahabout a year ago

    Congrats on top story!! 💌🥳🎉🥳🎉🥳

  • Cindy Calderabout a year ago

    This is a truly frightening bit of micro fiction - and a great entry for the given prompt. Well done. Congratulation, too, on Top Story recognition!

  • Testabout a year ago

    Oh!!! This was sooooo good Hannah!!! Creepy, mysterious and well thought out!! Love it!!

  • Mark Gagnonabout a year ago

    Just circling back to say congrats on Top Story, Hannah!

  • Caroline Cravenabout a year ago

    What a fab top story - this was brill Hannah.

  • Pamela Williamsabout a year ago

    Congratulations on TS!

  • Sean A.about a year ago

    Great entry! Had me invested the whole time

  • Paul Stewartabout a year ago

    Not surprised to see this on the front page at all. Congrats Hannah on a bloody great Top Story!

  • The Invisible Writerabout a year ago

    Wow that was a frightening ending. Great entry

  • Holly Pheniabout a year ago

    Yikes! I'm with the dad in this story. You brought us right into the box with the hissing and screaming. Very well-told.

  • Kenny Pennabout a year ago

    Very creepy, Hannah, great job! Congrats on getting top story for this one!

  • Rachel Steinmetzabout a year ago

    This is written beautifully! Nice job!

  • Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Lana V Lynxabout a year ago

    Great suspenseful story, Hannah!

  • Congratulations on Top Story. Happy to subscribe to your work. Suspenseful.

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