Screaming Skulls

Headaches are among the most common phenomena in human life. Right after eye strain from staring at screens and the face of SpongeBob, their causes are numerous, much like the leftovers from the meat menu of the Six Legs restaurant at the Marble Club.

And like many problems of this kind, the most effective solution is usually a sugar substitute with a prescription. Except for one thing: it still manages to relocate to Microsoft’s quiet room, and you would still hear it.

This is something every employee would dream of hearing their boss say after a workday: "I’ve been impressed with your recent work, and you deserve a reward, son. Here’s a skull that always screams." Most examples of this mythical item, ironically, are located in the UK. According to legends, they are also capable of speaking and haunting their surroundings.

According to the stories, the origins of this charming item occurred in at least one case in 1658, starring a man who was exiled to the Indies due to immorality during the Azeri War. This likely included drinking tea without milk, and he probably thought that if he returned with a human representative of the finest local culture, they would accept him back. To his surprise, they did, and while the soldier’s life began to recover, his new roommate’s life was marked by poverty and suffering.

His last wish was to be buried in his homeland, and out of respect for his request, they buried him in a local church. Surprisingly, shortly afterward, sounds and groans were heard that were likely not the odors of decay, as they led to the exhumation of the body and its transfer to a much more fitting location—the attic. There, it continued the process of decomposition until nothing remained but the skull.

No matter how many times they tried to get rid of it, it always ended up back at the house, as every attempt was met with a symphony of screams. And like any reliable story with solid evidence, it naturally raised questions that led to several investigations.

One of these was conducted by a pathologist, who determined that the skull was at least 3,000 years old and belonged to a European woman. The findings came from an Iron Age cult site that was, in an entirely unremarkable way, discovered near the estate.

A similar case involved Judge Miles Phillips, whose karmic connection was with an ideologically driven colleague and profiteer who received the screaming item in a "buy one, get one free" deal, as a gift for wanting to expand his estate.

His estate was already enormous, thanks to the annexation of land owned by a local couple who refused to sell. Since it seemed he wouldn’t sit down for tea with the saying “The will of the people is their honor” or any legal or diplomatic principle regarding land ownership, it didn’t matter how he would obtain it. To prove this, he invited the couple to a Christmas dinner at his home to show them that he had received the land without any ill will.

While they were enjoying the meal, a silver goblet went missing, and it was coincidentally found the next morning in the couple’s home by soldiers. Since the legal system at that time was populated by various judges, the couple’s case was heard by a judge with a fair and rational approach, who ruled to have them both executed by hanging.

This was the transport service for most of the defendants, and just before the couple’s car arrived, the woman swore that their souls would visit the judge and his family every day.

Of course, it is impolite to come empty-handed. According to the stories, during one of these visits, their skulls were left on the doorstep of the judge’s house, serving as a loud greeting card that likely caused the destruction of his life and the loss of his fortune. Because the gift set didn’t come with a return slip, every attempt to get rid of the skulls eventually led to their return until Phillips’ death, after which the property was transferred to someone else.

In contrast to the case of his cousin from the historical family tree, who originally belonged to the Brom family. During the happier times of the English Civil War, she was in the royal court’s starting lineup.

Unlike her high-nosed peers, the way the king’s soldiers treated their bound guests eventually led to her desertion to another country. At the end of the war, King Henry II returned to his TV chair, while Tiaffols lived his life with his sister on a farm. But he feared that all that would remain of him was a deformed bowling ball with teeth, destined to become a target for tomatoes in the "head quota" of the month. And probably the fact that he wouldn’t participate in the execution roulette didn’t comfort him.

So, he asked his sister to keep their skull as a permanent resident. And so it was. After her death, the following tenants tried to get rid of the skull, but every attempt led to a horrific display of screams and special effects. Eventually, it was preserved in a cupboard at the end of one of the hallways. Brom’s grave is now located at St. James’ Church, and although there is no evidence that any of these events happened, during church restoration work, the grave was opened, and the skull was missing.

These stories with only the top of this family tree which according to some opinions grew during the 16th century that every loud skull has its own story and origins. And unlike them, you can tell the stories without screaming.