Fast and Furious 7

Yet another Fast and Furious movie has been watched. And I know in my heart we are rapidly approaching these movies becoming good again but damn, it is a painful road to get there. This is the last movie that Paul Walker was in and I have some massive issues with the way that they handled that but here we go with Fast 7…

So for context this is Ramsey and Shaw’s first appearances, as well as the first mention of the God’s Eye which is literally all we’ve been hearing about for the next 3 movies. They really found themselves an unrealistic plot point and stuck to it.

For more questions Han and Giselle are apparently dead already and I swear to god I don’t know how people who watched these in order even kept track because it seems like these characters are dying and coming back every few seconds.

On top of that we have Elena who does not seem to be pregnant, yet in Fast 8 she had a very clearly 9-12 month old baby. And I need someone to please explain these timelines because not only did little B change full ass races 3 times in three movies but what fucking continuity is this following? I am thoroughly convinced that each of these individual movies takes place in a separate universe that is all a part of the same multiverse because holy shit.

Okay so the most batshit things that happened in this one had to be The Rock flexing to break his arm cast, and Dom earthbending the parking garage to collapse on Shaw. I’m used to the car stuff going insane that really feels fine at this point, nothing will ever be more ridiculous than driving a car into space so whatever, now it's the little superhero things that are pissing me off.

And then we have the ending where Dom is knocked out and Lettie’s love woke him up…really? The answer was family all along seems to be an ongoing dumbass theme for these movies.

The other thing that really bothered me is that we all know that Paul Walker died before the film was finished filming and I understand that was really difficult for his castmates, but to let him live in fiction and then just not acknowledge his absence in the next few movies is arguably more disrespectful. They gave him a goodbye at the end of the movie, it was very clearly a tribute but then Brian drives off into the sunset and we literally never see him or hear about him again. Also if Brian is alive in fiction then why the hell did we make such a big deal over Dom naming his kid after him? Like it legitimately doesn’t make any sense and it would have been better to just let his character go. Marvel did it for Chadwick, Star Wars did it (badly) for Carrie Fisher, and I get not want to screw it up but it's a necessary narrative element for franchises. Now I get that that would be expecting too much from these movies but it's really the bare minimum.

Overall it was a Fast and Furious movie, I am trying my best to rank these in some kind of quality order but it genuinely feels like the same movie every time and that makes it difficult. This franchise is so repetitive and hollow. Same bad dialogue, same logic defying action sequences that are entirely too long, and same shallow acting from people who are lucky that they’ve ever been in any other movies.