Book Review: "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins

I have seen this book everywhere because I have been hankering around on Twitter and BlueSky. This is where the 'Self Help' book seems to grow into an unnatural monster. Many of these weird accounts are there posting '5 books you should read to become a success' in which everyone replies 'well, you've read them and you're unemployed and sitting on Twitter telling people to read them'. The place where I saw The Let Them Theory however was on pages concerning mental health and the way in which we have to let go of the expectations of others for ourselves. This isn't a self-help book, but it is a huge help.

At the core of Robbins’ philosophy is the simple yet powerful idea of allowing people to be who they are without interference. Often, we expend too much emotional energy trying to influence others, whether it’s expecting them to behave a certain way, make different choices, or align with our personal standards. The ‘Let Them’ mindset is about relinquishing this need for control and understanding that people have the right to make their own decisions, even if we disagree with them. By doing so, we free ourselves from unnecessary frustration and disappointment, leading to a greater sense of peace. This is something I needed right away. I'm someone who goes to work and tries to be everyone's friend but when it comes to me, the favour is not returned. I have started to think that perhaps I just should not care about befriending people - I shouldn't go to people when they're sitting by themselves and I shouldn't put myself out to help people. It just is not my problem. It is not worth it.

One of the most liberating aspects of the Let Them Theory is learning to detach from the need for approval from others. Many people structure their lives around meeting societal expectations or gaining the acceptance of peers, family, or colleagues. However, Robbins argues that true fulfilment comes from living authentically, aligning our actions with our own values rather than shaping them to please others. Letting go of external validation allows us to develop a stronger sense of self and make decisions that genuinely reflect who we are. This is something I find especially in the teaching profession - it is not good for the mental wellbeing of the adult in the job. I'm not just talking about myself but I'm talking about other people I have physically seen take time off for their mental health. This is because those who are constantly breathing down our necks are telling us to set aside ourselves and our values, our personalities and our feelings to concentraing solely on those of others. I understand doing this where children are concerned, but where other adults are concerned I personally don't get it.

A crucial element of the Let Them Theory is learning to treat oneself with the same kindness and understanding that we often extend to others. Robbins stresses that self-compassion is essential for emotional well-being, as it enables us to move past regrets and mistakes without harsh self-judgement. Rather than dwelling on perceived failures, we should adopt a mindset of forgiveness, both for ourselves and for those who have let us down. This shift helps foster emotional resilience and a more positive outlook on life. Honestly, I am guilty of this: I treat other people much better than either they treat me or I treat myself. A lot of people have let me down in friendships and well, I have constantly forgiven them for some reason. I'm not saying I should turn against them, but perhaps leaving them behind and letting them know they're being cut off is a better idea in maybe an amiable way.

Many people sacrifice their own happiness in order to accommodate the needs and expectations of others. Robbins encourages individuals to place their well-being at the forefront of their priorities. This includes taking care of one’s mental, emotional, and physical health, engaging in activities that bring joy, and setting aside time for self-care. By prioritising personal well-being, we are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and maintain a balanced, fulfilling existence. I have to admit that this also applies to me because I have unfortunately stopped caring about my mental, physical and emotional health since I moved to Nottingham. As of February 2025, I have not been in the best mindset and there are certain things that make me feel worse which I need to address and probably avoid.

All in all, The Let Them Theory is about empowerment through detachment. It teaches us that by accepting people for who they are and letting go of the need to control or change them, we gain emotional freedom. Instead of becoming entangled in frustration or disappointment over others’ behaviour, we can redirect our focus to what truly matters: our own happiness, growth, and peace of mind. By implementing Robbins’ principles, we can cultivate healthier relationships, reduce stress, and create a life that is guided by self-awareness and authenticity. The Let Them mindset is not about passivity or indifference, but about choosing where to invest our emotional energy and recognising that our own well-being should always be a priority.