Thoughtless

On my way out of the boss’ office, his guard put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a friendly smile. He must have seen that I was pretty shook up, so he gave me some advice.

“Just don’t think too hard about it.”

It was pretty hard not to. I mean, I never killed a guy before. All the jobs he’d had me doing before were light work. I’d go out, pick up a package, and bring it to someone else. Easy money. Alright, maybe every once in a while he had me rough a guy or two up if they owed him money, but that was it. Apparently this guy didn’t just owe him money, he’d been trying to pull a fast one on the boss for months. As far as he knew he'd gotten away with it, too, but that’s just what the boss wanted him to think. I guess this is my test. If I managed to get this done, he’d said I’d be set for life, a friend of the boss. That’s all I wanted, just to be set, and if all I had to do was find this guy, whack him, and get the money he owes, then I wasn’t gonna let him stand in my way. First thing was first, though. They told me that after work he likes stopping by this bar, The Fuzzy Lemon, and I oughta start looking around-

There. There he was, right where they said he’d be, on his way to the bar. Sorry pal, but this was my lucky night. I ducked into an alleyway, and as soon as he passed by, I grabbed him and dragged him away from the street. Under all the neon lights, it might as well have been broad daylight, but in this town one guy dragging another into some back-alley brawl was about the least interesting thing to see. I tossed him behind a dumpster where nobody’d see us, pulled out my piece, and put it between his eyes.

“Please, you don’t have to.”

Tears were streaming down his face, snot dripping into his mouth. He was a scrawny guy, he must have known he couldn’t fight me, so all he could do was cry and beg.

“Please, I got your money right here, you don’t have to.”

I opened my mouth to tell him it was too late, but all that came out was

“Just don’t think too hard about it.”

I fished around in the pockets inside his jacket for his wallet. I found it – handcrafted Italian leather, just about the fanciest wallet I’d ever laid eyes on. Probably bought it with a big wad of that cash he scammed off the boss. Prick. But what really mattered was what’s inside. I pried it open and – boy, it really was my lucky night – even more cash than we hoped to get back. He must have been planning to blow it all on drinks that night. Prick. When I pulled the cash out, a little piece of something fell on the ground, so I picked it up. It was a picture. Two girls.

I was never around kids much, so I couldn’t have told you how old they were, but they were little. Now here was a guy with everything. Two kids, a proper job, a nice suit, and it wasn’t enough for him, was it, you bastard, you needed more, so you went and tried to play us and made me do this. You had everything guys like us could want, the life I’d have killed to have, and you made me snuff it out just like noth-

Just don’t think too hard about it.

I took a deep breath and tossed the pic in the dumpster.

I tucked the money into an envelope on the inside of my jacket and put a smoke between my lips. I tried to light it, but my hands were shaking so bad I could barely get a flame.

“Damn wind.”

I squashed the cigarette under my heel and took off. I did my best to blend in with the crowd, but I’d never felt so conspicuous. There wasn’t any reason anybody should suspect anything, and the cops here had so much on their hands already they probably wouldn’t spare his body a second glance. I still couldn’t stop feeling like every John and Jane Doe on the street knew what I’d done – what I had to do. Every street lamp and neon sign felt so bright they went straight through my eyes to burn my very soul. It didn’t matter. I’d get back to the office, hand over the cash, and I’d never have to think about it again. About him again.

“Welcome back.”

The guard was friendly as always. I tossed the envelope onto the table in front of the boss.

“Quick and efficient, as always. That’s why I love ya.”

“Sure. So we’re square, right? You’ll make good on your promise?”

“Sure. But there’s just one thing bothering me.”

I admit I felt pretty nervous. I wasn’t ready for this. His tone went from slow and controlled to slow and mocking.

“Why do you look so sad?”

“Hey, you would too if you had just iced a guy for the first time.”

I tried to fake a smile. He chuckled.

“Maybe so. But I think there’s something else here, too.”

I hesitated.

“He had kids. Girls. I don’t know, I guess it just got to me a little. It’s nothing.”

The boss smiled.

“Aw, kid, you got a good heart. I always liked that about you.”

He put out his cigar.

“But it makes you a liability. You know I can’t have that around here, right? No hard feelings?”

“What? No, you made a promise. You said I’d be in good with you. You said I’d be set for life.”

He only leaned back and chuckled to himself.

“Yeah, kid. For life.”

He nodded at his guard.

“Get him outta here. These are new floors, I don’t want you making a mess.”

I threw myself over the desk at him, but he just quietly counted the cash in the envelope while his guard overpowered me. He twisted my arm behind my back, forced me outside, and shoved me on the ground. I turned to fight him, but I only met his iron right between my eyes. It was shaking. I could tell he was nervous. I could tell he didn’t really want to kill me. I was sure he was gonna let me go, until I heard him muttering something to himself.

“Just don’t think too hard about it.”