Death by Chocolate

Licking the chocolate off the delicate teaspoon was not her most graceful moment. It certainly did not suit the old-world ambiance of the café, mimicking the style of Buckingham Palace. Large rectangular tables with white, ironed linen lined the walls. Golden, three-tiered cake stands and sugar-jewel confectionary teasing the pauper customers, as the lucky few indulged in their high tea. They nibbled at their miniature sandwiches like sidewalk pigeons.

But that did not matter to Manny, who gave herself eagerly to the slice of her favourite mud cake as the afternoon hustle walked the capitalist sideway. Rich, dark chocolate icing was piped around the foot of the cake to keep its standing, even as her golden fork dug through the plush, cloud-like surface. Her diet be damned.

Heaven was melting into a porcelain plate.

“Well shoot me dead, I didn’t think I’d see you here again.” Manny was pulled out of her daydream induced cocoa sedation to see someone she knew very well leaning over the second chair, its vacancy purposeful.

“May I sit here?”

“Wait…!”

Gabriel did not wait for a confirmation taking the seat and turning towards the waitress who, ever dutiful, had brought over a menu and black laminated list of specialised teas. This same waitress saw her sit alone for her afternoon slice of indulgence every second Wednesday…Manny thought annoyed. You really could not trust anyone anymore.

“Would you like to hear the specials?” The young, mink-like waitress asked shaking out a pen and notepad from her apron pocket.

“No thank you.”

She actually looked spooked, someone not wanting to hear the special was like the man’s face had become as transparent as a ghost. “I’ll just have a pot of English Breakfast, black, please. If I see a drop of milk in there, I’m calling your manager. And…Manny what are you having?”

“Homemade mud cake.”

“I’ll have one slice thanks. Cream on the side.” The waitress nodded discreetly then slid out of sight like a lizard hiding beneath a rock.

“Who the heck orders tea without milk? What are you a psychopath?”

Gabriel laughed, “you haven’t changed one bit. Not even the fact that you can’t eat without getting food on your mouth.” Manny wiped her lip and swore when she saw the brown crumbs smeared across her skin. “It’s ok, I’m not one to prevent someone from their indulgences.” She said trying to save her dignity. But as memory served Gabriel was never one to let up from an argument without drawing a weapon of his own.

“Just from anything worthwhile, right?”

“Excuse you?”

“What have you been up to?” Gabriel continued.

“Oh, just this and that.”

“Descriptive. Just like a Robert Ryman painting.”

“And what about yourself?” Manny tapped her red manicure against the porcelain, clicking along with the second’s hand refusing to speed like a grandmothers Volkswagen Beetle.

“I got a new job.”

“Really? That’s hard to believe. In the same field? You were one for monotony.”

“Completely new field, entirely new direction. I work in marketing now.”

“The road untraveled. Do you remember that time in Milan?”

“The il salotto?”

“The same. That church like shopping centre with glass cones and golden light raining down like Christmas confetti. If I remember correctly, you ordered the same thing.” The jerk-face gestured to the half-eaten cake, blood-red against the blue plate. The waitress re-appeared suddenly like an apparition, placing Gabriel’s order next to his right hand resting as gently on the silk tablecloth as a garden slug. Manny’s nail was still tapping away like a rattle snake.

“I remember that cake well.”

“Do you remember what happened after?”

“Would never forget. Didn’t the whole café get food poisoning? Think one of the chefs got fired.”

“Everyone except you.”

Manny shrugged her shoulders like she was shedding a jumper, “what a coincidence, right?”

“I got really sick that night. Had to be hospitalised. And you took the next flight out of the country.”

“Kind of serves you right though. You remember the night before?”

“Italian women are my chocolate cake.” Gabriel mimicked Manny’s shrug.

“Any woman is your chocolate indulgence. Don’t give yourself so much credit, you’re not picky.”

“Are you calling me a ….”

“Your words not mine.” Manny took another bite of the cake hollowing out her cheeks with a deep moan.

“It’s a good thing I met you today, I think we should get back together.” Manny spat her tea out at him. The waiter glared at them both as the full-grown adult charmingly whipped the spittle from his eyelid.

“You can’t be serious!”

“As serious as a heart attack.”

“You’ll be the cause of mine. You make me throw-up a little in my mouth whenever I see you.” In fact, Manny’s stomach was feeling a little on the rocks as she glared at him.

“Come on, we’re so good when we’re together.”

“Your absolutely correct. We’re so good that whenever we’re together you flirt like you’re on fire and pretty girls have water shining in their eyes.”

“But you’re the only one who can complete me.” Gabriel sang to the tune of Michael Jackson.

“I’ll poison you again.”

“So you admit to it.”

“Admit what?”

The two stared each other down waiting for the other to draw their words. Gabriel was the first to go on the attack as the waitress annoyingly re-appeared.

“How is your meal?” She asked looking between the tension nervously.

“Absolutely brilliant!” Even though he had not taken a single bite. Gabriel took great efforts to turn and look the young girl directly in the eye. “This cake is as sweet as your lips. I think you should try it, but maybe next time you could try put a little extra ‘whip’-cream on the side.”

“Oh for the love of…”

“You can hold the sugar in my tea, your sweet enough for the both of us.” Gabriel gestured between himself and Manny who was rubbing the bump of her nose between her fingertips.

“But you asked for black tea…” the waitress waited, jumbled for a few seconds, not knowing if he was going to ask for anything then promptly scuttled back to the counter.

Manny felt a little better about what she was about to do, wearing a fox’s smile.

“You know I knew you would come in here today.” Manny said casually.

Gabriel shook his head with a wide smile. “You’re lying.”

“Well, the bug I put in your phone isn’t a lie.”

His smirk dropped like it was hit by the weight of gravity. He got out his phone and examined it, slipping off the black scaled cover to find a finger-nail sized chip blue-tacked to the back.

“You know I would have found this eventually.” He threw the chip to the floor and stomped it into oblivion.

“Yeah, but you can’t stay away from me for that long. You call me monotonous, but man, you’ve got your routine set. You’re like my period, monthly and on the hour.”

“And you think your exempt from predictability? I know your desires like the back of my hand.”

“I’ll give you the back of my hand if you approach me again.”

“Honey, I like the pain like you like that chocolate cake.”

With the sudden shock of waking up to a spider crawling across your mouth a gasp of pain came from the table next to them. A middle-aged lady with fashion tastes ten years her senior. Then a scream as multiple customers started racing to the restrooms, leaving overturned chairs and plates crashing down onto the floor. The waitstaff ran like sprinting gazelle trying to clean up after them. A volcano of chaos erupted in the middle of the downtown café, a thick feeling of dread catching everyone by the throat with the knowledge that an event was about to occur. Everyone, except the two staring each other down by the window.

“Back to your old tricks?” Gabriel’s gaze gave the impression of an interrogation. Manny just smiled as sweetly as her chocolate cake taking another bite.

“I believe that this time it’s your actions that have caused all of this.”

“It couldn’t be!” The man pushed his hand deep into his chest. “After all I only laced the special chocolate cake, the one I knew you would order.”

“Isn’t that a coincidence, I laced the tea, the one I knew you always took in the afternoons. Why do you think I was sitting at a table for two?” The two child-like-adults stared each other down as an old gentleman stumbled by, grabbing the edge of their table before flipping the whole thing to the ground. Almost every patron was in a similar condition, moaning like their stomachs were attempting to exit from both passageways. For some it already had.

“I may have also had a backup plan. A few contingencies…in case you didn’t order your normal tea,” Manny confessed. Voices were screaming in the background.

‘Someone call an ambulance!’

“And what would that be?”

“Well, in case you didn’t order the English breakfast, I also dosed the rest of the teas, as well as the lemon tarts, oh and the sandwiches…”

“So everything except for the chocolate cake, which I laced with some surprise ingredients.”

“That sounds like the situation.”

“Indeed.”

The two took in the scene they had created in their duel. The collateral collecting like a snowball. It was like admiring a renaissance painting strung up in the Louve. The pair were sitting in the tranquillity of the audience as the shouts and screams were reaching their plane-crashing crescendo. The bathrooms were full, every sink and toilet taken up by a primly dressed customer throwing up in it. The sounds and smells were affecting even the wait staff. They were cuddled behind the counter phone on speaker in front of them as the manager shouted directions to the emergency workers as the others held their mouths and stomachs like they could rip open any moment. They looked like mother birds trying to feed their young hovering over each other and failing to keep their high tea down. The vomit was every colour of the rainbow, with little pieces of sugar crystal reflecting the chandelier light.

“Why do we always end up doing this to each other?” Manny asked curiously. Gabriel was starting to hunch over, the poison doing its work and taking the balance out of his spine. He looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame as he quipped,

“Guess it’s just our way of indulging.”

“I guess the chaos is my own chocolate cake.” And Manny joined him on the floor clutching her sides together.