I Have A Secret

Hi. My name is Doug. My human says I'm the cutest German Shepherd puppy that ever was! And I have a secret.

The only one who knows my secret is my mother's human. When I was a pup living and playing with all of my brothers and sisters, my mother's human would talk to us all the time about getting our very own human. She made it sound like the greatest thing ever, so I was excited. One day, she asked us if we were ready to get our very own human. I was so ready and excited! I'd noticed she didn't understand when we spoke to her in Canine, so I spoke to her in English and said,

"Yes! I'm so ready!"

One moment she was carrying me and the next I was falling to the floor as a loud scream pierced the air. My brothers, sisters, and I all started crying- what was wrong? What had happened? Apparently, I had happened.

She put me in a car and drove for a while. The whole time explaining that I was too scary to keep.

"It talked! It talked... Oh my goodness, it talked. Am I imagining things? No way. I definitely didn't imagine that. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Is it an alien? How am I gonna sell a talking dog? Oh my goodness. Everyone will freak out. They'll think I'm crazy! This is just ridiculous. I can't... I can't. No one would blame me, right? I don't want these problems. I cannot handle this. Ahhhhh!"

She picked me up, pinching the scruff of my neck and tossed me out the window. Then, she drove away. And that was the last time I saw her, my mother, or my brothers and sisters.

I was picked up by a guy in a van and taken to a new place with lots of dogs and lots of cages. I wasn't there long before my human came and we chose each other. Now I live with her- Amy. And I haven't spoken English to anyone since then, nor do I plan to in the future.

At least, not when a human can see me.

"Alexa," I say, "Order a pup cup to the house." I don't order things often or else Amy will notice, but sometimes a pup could use a treat.

I turn on the TV and wait for my snack to arrive. I like watching Wheel of Fortune and guessing the phrases. The humans on the TV today aren’t very good, though.

“The answer is so obvious! How could you not know? I’m not even human and I know! Another Feather in Your Cap! Okay HAT makes since. Wait G? Where did you get “G” from? Try C! Or P! D? Oh man! They’re-”

“Doug?”

I jump super high as I turn around to see Amy standing in the doorway looking at me. She’s home early. And now she’s heard me speaking English.

I whimper. She knows my secret. Is she gonna kick me out now?