A Vocalite Holiday 2024

If you missed 'A Vocalite Holiday 2023', catch up Here! The fun continues!

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"Oh my God! Tiffany Gordon! So glad you could make it! You can hang your coat next to the rest of them near the fireplace and grab yourself a hot cider!"

"This place is amazing, Dharrsheena! Do you own it?"

"Of course, I do not! I read about it online a couple years ago when I was searching for inspiration. It was dirt cheap to rent this weekend! Thank you for traveling 9 hours by plane to Wales. It's going to be totally worth it... Oh! And I just told Celia and River, and I've already told everyone else, so I guess I should tell you now. Several people were killed here ten years ago! Isn't that like, insane? I'm pretty bummed, though. I haven't like seen any ghosts or weird shit yet. But it's gorgeous, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is! I'm impressed with the odd positioning of the graphic art! It's like a twisted, Warhol castle! Reminds me of the doll house I need to finish building."

***

Everyone is so pleased with the location. Donna Fox hasn't stopped taking pictures yet. We've bonded like crazy in the past year. She's like the online sister I've never had! But man, those bellbottoms she's wearing are louder than Big Ben!

And look at D.K. Shepard over there helping Cathy Holmes get her boots off. They look excited to be here. Oh no! D.K. pulled too hard and is stumbling backwards with Cathy's boot in her hand. She's going to lose her balance and bite it! Who's that? It's Matthew Fromm stepping in to save the day. He caught her! I promise you I wasn't going to laugh if they both bit it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I didn't know how well-spoken Jay Kantor would be in person. He's full of jokes tonight. Him and Lana V Lynx have been trading laughs for at least an hour.

This is going to be the best night ever. Everything is perfect! Just the way I planned.

***

Covering all bases, I decide to check on Kendall Defoe and Hanna Moore. From the graciousness of their hearts, they volunteered to cook for all these brilliant people. I wonder if they know I'm Vegetarian...

"How's it going in here, Kendall? Smells Great!"

"It does, doesn't it? But I can't find where I put the damn liverwurst! Hannah just went to check the van again."

"You mean the cat food I found in the fridge that I fed to Patsy? She loved it! Oh my god! You were saving that for us? I'm so sorry but it looked exactly like the disgusting food I feed her."

"Dammit! It's okay, Dharr. I can move on now that I know what happened. I'll just whip up some deviled eggs to fill the empty spot on the Hors d'oeuvres tray. I hear that JBAZ is quite the connoisseur.

"Okay, sorry again. I need to go check on the guests. I'll set the tables soon."

I rush out the large, Cathedral-like kitchen slightly thrown off from the mishap. Hope Patsy doesn't get the kitty-shits from it.

The first person I run into is Paul Stewart. He's wearing a silly T-Shirt that says ''I'd rather be Writing". I don't know whether to laugh or be offended! Wonder what he's doing with that magnifying glass.

"Hi, Paul! Are you enjoying yourself? Before you answer, I have to know, what's up with the magnifying glass?"

"This is no ordinary magnifying glass, Dharr. I'll have you know it can detect residual energy left by wandering spirits. I paid a pretty Scottish penny for it on E-Bay and take it everywhere I go, and so far, nothing. Hoping that there changes tonight!"

"Oooo! I hope it does work. Maybe we'll get to talk with the dead people who used to live here. Keep me informed!"

I didn't know Paul was so interested in the supernatural. Quirky! I love it! But I'm positive he got ripped off. Knowing me, I would have bought one too! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

***

I'm feeling kind of adventurous tonight. I think I'll have a glass of White Zinfandel! Look at me using fancy drinking words. You can thank Babs Iverson for that, she taught me all about the 'sauce' as she calls it. Does that make her an enabler? Of course it does not! Drinking is my choice! Plus, she's the nicest Texan I've ever met! She also said to stay away from beer or champagne unless I want to belch up a storm and embarrass myself. Me? I never get embarrassed. 🤪

I walk into the main room and can't help but to pause at the wonderful scene of holiday cheer emanating from a bunch of happy scribblers. A warm, fuzzy feeling travels my spine, but that turns out to be a giant, red feather boa brushing against my neck—compliments of Heather Hubler mingling about. She's so stylish. Her extravagant attire is right out of the roaring 20s. Oh gosh, I hope that doesn't show my age…

"Can I have everyone's attention!" I say, but apparently no one hears me. I try again, using a megaphone.

"CAN EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP! AND I MEAN THAT IN A NICE WAY!"

Well, that worked. All I hear now is the Rick Henry Cristopher snoring. He did have a long flight too. Somehow, he's sleeping with his face pressed against the rough, stone wall. I can only imagine the imprint it's going to leave.

"Thank you, everyone. Now, before we eat, I want to apologize for what happened last year. And if you don't know what happened, then go read the first part!

"Tonight, there'll be no depressing activities. But there may be an exorcism or two. Also, I designed a game that I want to try playing with you all… Stephen, what did we name it? Oh, excuse me, Stephen Roddewig. I know how you are about wanting your entire name said when being addressed. Quirky! I love it!"

"Out of the thousand choices we had... just kidding, it was about eight, we really liked Tortured Words!" Stephen reminds me with well-played theatrics.

"Yes, perfect! That's what we'll call it. Basically, I wrote a hundred-word, murder-mystery micro. Try saying that 5 times 🤣. Each word has been separated on a piece paper. They're in the gold bucket over there on that weird piece of furniture. Since its about 50 of us, each person will choose two pieces. I'll give you the first five words of the story. After that, as a group, you'll have to figure out the correct order of the remaining words. Guess incorrectly and you have to start over. Tragic, I know. But I have solid faith in this well-versed, group of geniuses. Now please take your places, dinner is about to begin."

They don't seem too eager to play, except Gina C., she's already peeking in the bucket.

***

"Who would like to say grace?"

Only three hands slowly raise. It's going to be tough deciding between them. Andrea Corwin definitely has a way with words. So does Shirley Belk. But I think I'm going to choose John Cox. If his grace is anything like his stories, we are all in for one hell-of-a profound moment.

"John, if you'll do the honors, we'll all be honored!"

"Thank you, Dharrsheena! I'll be honored to fulfill such an honorable request. Reminds me of the honorable discharge my cousin faced when he dishonorably broke an ankle while reaching for a bag of Cheetos!"

"Mmmm! Cheetos! Okay, let's eat! I'm starving!"

"Oh! but... I didn't finish grace." John says, slightly defeated.

"It's ok, John. We loved the story about your cousin. It was very uplifting. Now everyone dig in!"

The buffet-style array looks flawless. Kendall and Hannah really outdid themselves. He appears to be frazzled, like he just finished grading a hundred exams. Hannah looks like she took a dive in the salad bowl. There's bits of lettuce and shredded carrots strewn throughout her hair. Bless their heart's. I wish I could pay them but I'm pretty sure volunteers don't get paid. Maybe I'll donate $500.00 to the charity of their choice. Or maybe I'll just save the money and buy more of those shrunken heads from the Caiman Islands. Ugh!!! I hate making decisions! 🤬

Look at everyone enjoying the food. It makes me so happy knowing what comes next...

Right on cue, they each pass out headfirst into their plates. Holy Cow! There's mashed potatoes and gravy everywhere! I never anticipated the mess it would make.

Being a nutritionist has its perks. I blended a mixture of Dreamazopan and Narcolepzitan with the salt and spices the cooks used. According to the directions, they will be out for at least 9 hours. Plenty of time to hook them up to the thought-predictor I got off E-Bay. This way, I can obtain future stories each of them plan to write. I can't wait to read them all! I'll just pretend to be excited when they actually hash them out for publishing.

There's nothing worse than waiting for the stories I deserve to read...

Oh my god! Mark Gagnon is still awake. He's talking to Raymond Taylor whose clearly asleep.

"Hey Mark, did you not have any of this delicious food?"

"C'mon, Dharr. You know I only eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'm sure everything was great, but I packed a few lunches. Looks like everyone overdosed on tryptophan."

"Yeah, I guess they're in a food coma... Wait! You have to try this flavor enhancer for your sandwich. I hear it's makes peanut butter and jelly taste like it was made by a 5-Star Chef!"

"Really! Slap some of that stuff right on in here. And don't be shy about it!"

I coat the inside of his sandwich with a generous dusting of the mixture and anxiously watch him gobble it down to his belly. He's out now too!

That, could have been a game-changing disaster...

Finally! I can have all the stories I want... Too bad Gerard DiLeo, Rachel Deeming and L.C. Schafer couldn't be here. I could use their stories too. They've been writing their asses off all year! I think I’ll send them stress balls for Christmas. Or maybe hand massagers for their cramped-up fingers.

OH SHIT! I forgot to tell Heather Zieffle not to eat the food! Now who's going to help me carry these people to the next room where I set up the device?

Alright, Mr. Brain... I'll just cross my arms and tap my foot right here until you figure something out... I wonder if there are any Cheetos in this place. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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VOCAL YEARBOOK PHOTO: 2024

A/N: No writers were harmed in the making of this work of fiction. And cheers to the many others Dharrsheena invited to this year's Holiday Bash. You are the reason vocal is such a great community. 💖