A Stranger's Mind

Con·scious·ness . /ˈkän(t)SHəsnəs/. the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world.

What is the thing that satisfies the hunger in man? What can quench that desire that eats away at our souls, that makes our hearts hurt so much, you can feel the blood pumping and if you looked close enough you could see your veins, fighting to not burst open? Is it possible that we were never made to truly be happy?

When I wrote this a few years ago, it was a combination of my real life's experience and a dream I had, about the world one day forgetting what it feels to be human.

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As I stood on the sandy shores of Bell Isle, just across the street from my vacation rental, all I wanted to do was sail. Sail away and never look back. Find a city where no one knows my name and start over. How do I continue knowing I would see him everyday, living the life we built together, just with someone else? I was going numb. I prayed that I would get a sign. Anything to tell me I would be okay. silence .

There is no greater pain than to experience the ‘almost but not quite” type of loss, over and over and over until you sit down to tea with your brokenness, and come to an agreement never to be fooled by that thing called - hope. And it is not that you will never hope again - no, that’s not it. It is the fact that unlike Snow White you refuse to be at the mercy of the many mouths and faces, exiting as quickly as they came into your life, because no matter what they did, it wasn’t their kiss that brought you back to life. The lies we tell ourselves to keep from going crazy.

Letting the tears fall freely, I moved a few inches closer to the water. Until I could feel the waves crash directly into me. I was far away from the noise. I didn't notice anyone else around me, not for a few hundred yards.

That's when he came. Chase. He walked up to me to ask if I was okay. Maybe he was worried about the way I was staring at that water. On a good day, I would be terrified, this stranger, approaching me so far away from everyone else. Maybe he wanted to sell me something. He had a look I couldn't quite place. Maybe he was a hippie, I don't know. The tears had blurred my vision.

"My name is Chase by the way," He said.

“Good to meet you Chase" I replied.

“People usually only come to this side right here when they're depressed and sh*t, Just saying” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

We both chuckled. It lacked a certain richness to be considered a laugh.

“Talk to me,'' he said.

“I'm fine, or rather I will be.” I replied.

“You sure?” he asked, to which I responded again “I’m fine” .

"I'm right around the corner if you need anything" he said, giving me the thumbs up as he went to his spot. He was camped around the corner behind this little wooden structure. I could've sworn there was no structure when I walked that way.

He came around a second time. This time around, I gave him a good look. Green hair, pierced lip , black baggy shirt with the words printed in red and black skinny jeans. He had with him some Louis Vuitton purses and bags.

“Do you want to buy authentic stuff?'' he asked me. I said no and shook my head and smiled politely to decline. He explained that the reason why he was selling those purses was because he got robbed. First time in the big city. Everything was lost, card, bag, wallet.

He said needed money. He also mentioned his kitten was killed sometime during the night, as he slept. I got scared at this point but my body would not move. I would not lift my eyes from above the water as the sun painted the sky the most beautiful shades of orange I had ever seen.

Then he said, “You should go to The Grand Beach Resort”

“Oh, I’ve been there once.” I replied.

He then went into some sort of soliloquy, as he described watching the sunset in Grand Beach and how his mum had a store out there. Grand beach was his home. He spoke of those times with so much fondness, yet he was lost. Chase was out here sleeping on a beach in this strange city. I wondered if it would be rude to ask more.

But I couldn't. My heart was troubled and I needed to fix myself. To fix what was wrong with me. He left me with a "enjoy the water"

I smiled at him and said "I hope you figure things out" and he said to me "Miss stranger, I always do" .

Chase reminded me of an older version of me, the one that was sure I would be okay. Some part of me wanted to stay there longer. Appreciate the fact that I was messed up, alone and confused but someone else was worse off. The water made everything okay... The way it moved ... dancing to the sounds of the wind blowing. If only my life were that poetic.

I had to go meet up with a friend from out of town and then head home. I had to look okay. So off I went, to return to that same spot another day, shed another tear. Waiting for someone to see me. **********************************************************************

Now, I watched as she lay still, floating across the ocean as the sun set. There was no rescuing this soul, as she drifted further and further into the open sea. Yaserv didn’t care that there were spectators when she jumped into the ocean from the side of the boat. The waters called and this time, she answered. Yasserv wasn’t there anymore. She was home. Right before Yasserv went to sleep, she saw the only man who ever truly loved her. Yasserv saw her father. Her father smiled and said, “I’m here now, my ….”

Three beeps - beep, beep, beep! and then the automated prompt, “Follow the sound of my voice. You will hear a series of clicks. When you do, find the red door.”

I heard the clicks and I found the red door and pulled the handle. The light in the room blinded me as I opened my eyes. The module operator greeted me with a cheerful smile, as if programmed to stay that way. They were not fully human, but not machine enough to be a Bot.

“ Thank you for travelling with the new and improved Sycion 3RXVD virtual experience. We hoped you enjoyed your visit. Don’t forget to refer a friend for a chance to win 50 Copas and enjoy more exciting trips through a stranger’s mind.”

What kind of person looks through a stranger’s thoughts? I pondered as exited the store. I caught my reflection in the window of the glass building, just outside underground city .

I remembered the plan.

1. Become human again
2. Undo the brainwash and
3. Restore humanity.
4. Stop Veritas Corp.

The world had to remember what it means to be human, to feel. It was at that moment, I felt my body eject the chip at the back of my neck.

I remembered the resistance.