#231: Self-Portrait

As a famous performance artist, I wanted to do something big. As the most daring performance artist, I wanted sensational in a way that was about me.

I got to Europe, backpacking, my TrackMe app installed on my cellphone. I planned to GPS-record my journey. Completed, it would depict my face over a map of the continent—the world's largest self-portrait.

Starting in Poland, I took the overnight train to Rome. I logged in along the Appian Way. Hitchhiking to Venice, I transferred to gondola, logging at the Grand Canal.

I railed to Paris, continuing recording on TrackMe. I bicycled to the Arc de Triomphe because you just have to. (The Germans ate crow there at the end of the war.)

North and east, crossing Belgium to Sweden, I went south to the Russian border. Logging in, laying down my path, I had completed my head. (My left ear lobe was St. Petersburg.)

So far, my triptych circled my map of Europe, but not much like my head. I needed detail for my facial features to make it me. I Eurailed my dive into Germany.

Being early October, I drank my share of Hofbräuhaus brews at Oktoberfest. I showed my triptych self-portrait to many Germans, who seemed disinterested, except some artist named Hans or Franz or something, who gave me shit over what he called my Zionist scheiße.

"You must go to the twin lakes of Filtrüm Reichenhall," he added. "It would shade your face perfectly," he advised, studying me.

"That would make your American journey complete," he said, thickly accented. "You want detail, no?"

"Yes, details!"

I booked the Bavarian ÖBB line. I walked the causeway between the two lakes there, built on a narrow strip of land that separated the one larger lake into two.

I clocked—my final GPS triptych entry. Consulting my schematics, my self-portrait was complete.

I had done it. The largest self-portrait in the world was of me!

Back at the Arc de Triomphe, I unveiled my great virtual masterpiece. Plastered over Europe, for the entire world to see, two lakes rendered perfectly the little Hitler mustache that becomes evident when switching over to satellite view. Thanks so much Hans or Franz.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Sunday, August 18, Day 231 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Accompaniment photos were AI-generated but the fascism was not.

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THIS CHALLENGE GRINDS ON, 366 WORDS AT A TIME...

There are currently three surviving prolific, pretentious, promiscuous, and copacetic Vocal scribbling scribes still participating in the insane, inane, post-WWII 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, (challenge originator)

• Rachel Deeming (challenge participant)

• Gerard DiLeo (Goosetepper-denier)

Read them. Support them. And remember...not too long ago, not too far away.