satire
Food industry and celebrity satire presented by Feast.
The Revealing Secret Affair with Joe
It’s hard to keep my hands off of Joe. There is something about him that fires me up and gets me hot under the collar. Seeing him positioned in the far corner of the coffee bar waiting for me, I know he’ll be steamy in no time.
By Crystal A. Wolfe4 years ago in Feast
Stop Calling It "Cheese Pizza"
I think I had just about enough of this for one lifetime. First of all, I’m not the biggest fan of dairy as opposed to every person I’ve ever met. I’m not 100% against it but I can safely say it’s approximately 99.97%. For the most part, the thought of it alone makes my blood curdle and gives me stinky foot vibes. Gross.
By The Rogue Scribe4 years ago in Feast
A Truly Mouthblowing Culinary Experience in the Dretches of Europe
When I started my career in dining critique, or as they laymen call it, “reviewing food”, I never imagined all the twists and turns the job would take me on. Whether it was being yelled at by the staff at my local gastropub over my first negative review, the long-lines at foreign airports on my way to the next artisanal farmhouse, bed-and-and-breakfast, or beachside eatery, even all my chance encounters with celebrities, I could not be more thankful for the opportunity to dictate the world’s palette one sentence at a time.
By Tyler Ridge 4 years ago in Feast
The War On Chickens
WAR... War never changes... Truer words were never spoken, however... before you gloss over a seemingly innocent picture of a chicken in a coop, consider this; What did the chicken do to get life in prison? It had to be something serious. Something sinister. Something heinous. Murder. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Serious stuff. We're in the middle of a war here people and most don't even realize what's going on! Idiots! Sheeple! Everyone just going about their daily business as if nothing's wrong... But that's how they get ya!
By Kerry Williams4 years ago in Feast
Vegetarian Failure
“Eat your beets,” demanded my mother, “or you cannot have dessert.” And so began my lifelong struggle to make peace with, if not love, vegetables. Let me explain here. My entire childhood knowledge of vegetables was that they came from a can. Except for basic salad ingredients ( i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers), I never met a fresh vegetable as I was growing up, and although frozen vegetables were around at that time ( 1960's), I never saw them in my house either.
By Joan Gershman4 years ago in Feast
IT Started With Ice Cream
It started with ice cream. For as many years as I can remember, I would buy three half-gallon boxes of ice cream for my family of 3. A variety of flavors, so each of us could eat what we liked. One-half gallon = 64 oz. I understand that three half gallons is a lot of ice cream, but my family far exceeded the average U.S. yearly ice cream consumption of 5 ½ gallons per person. I didn’t say I was proud of it; I’m just giving you the facts.
By Joan Gershman4 years ago in Feast
Future Black Slime in Refrigerator Crisper Purchased at Local Grocery
Future black slime in refrigerator crisper, currently known as green onions, were purchased at a local grocery today by neighborhood resident Ted Stephens. “I’m making Pad Thai for my girlfriend for dinner tonight and need the green onions for a garnish and to give a little color to the dish” he said when asked about his decision to purchase the future pile of oozing black mush at the bottom of his refrigerator vegetable crisper. Despite a very poor track record of using any green vegetable purchased for any meal Mr. Stephens suggested this time would be differing saying “look, I know I don’t exactly have a reputation as the biggest vegetable fan, and I have, on occasion, left a head of broccoli or lettuce in the crisper for over a month, throwing them away only when the smell from the slowly putrefying sludge like black mass became too much to bear. But, this time is going to be different. I swear. Besides, onions aren’t really a vegetable. Right? Are they a fruit then? You know I don’t actually know.”
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Feast
an open letter to the coffee I left on the counter. Top Story - October 2021.
I am truly, deeply sorry for leaving you like that. I would understand if you could never forgive me. I abandoned you… half empty, but so full of promises. As I am realizing the error of my ways, it feels only right to speak my peace. To mend what can be healed of this heartbreak. For surely, it is mutual.
By Samantha Elizabeth4 years ago in Feast
10 Things To Do With Bread
Are you tired of buying bread at full price just so it can take up cabinet space and spoil a few days later? Are you not craving a grilled cheese or turkey sandwich every other meal? If you answered with an exhausted “yes...” then this may very well be the breaking news you’ve been waiting for. Here are the top 10 things to do with bread so you can feel better about not eating an entire loaf in one sitting.
By Angela Rose5 years ago in Feast
What do famous fruit and vegetables want to tell us?
Vegetables first: Mr Cucumber, please. What is the most important thing you would like to communicate to people? WE ARE NOT VEGETABLES! We are proud to belong to the gourd family. We grow from flowers and contain seeds; therefore, botanically I am a fruit!
By Lubow Dabrowska-Szpakowicz5 years ago in Feast
