satire
Food industry and celebrity satire presented by Feast.
Game Day Buffet, the rise of champions amongst snacks
When the buffet is another game day endzone The fall begins the playoffs in any sports kitchen across America. When the gastronomical fortitude of any couch and armchair player's prowess is tested against an array of sturdy disposable plates and hardy handy wipes. The lean summer gut is again replenished with barley suds and an assortment of fat-laden and sugar-loaded gourmet delights. A seasonal appreciation of regional delicacies that begin to encompass the cultural diaspora of ethnicities that encompass an American past time, a Sunday football spread.
By Daniel Lestrud5 years ago in Feast
Kentucky Fried Cash
The notebook rattled around the trunk of my 2006 Subaru Impreza, sliding to the back, getting wedged in between the spare waterproof floormats I would never use. A real gem of a Craigslist find, the car came in the nick of time. I had just depleted the last of my meager savings, had no backup plan, no prospects. My position as a substitute teacher in an early learning program was halted with no return time in sight. The pandemic had swiftly taken hold of my life and livelihood, and I was left, mouth gaping, wondering how I did not plan for a hundred year pandemic more thoroughly. My car payment was too high, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me when it was hauled away by the usually dreaded repo man. To me, he was a saint to take this burden off my back.
By Lisa Stewart5 years ago in Feast
Appendectomy
“This is much more civilized than a meeting room, don’t you think?” he says. No, I don’t, actually. I would much prefer the safety of a poorly ventilated room that has a defined escape route; namely, the end of the meeting. But because I’m having lunch with a member of the executive leadership team, I do what you should always do when answering a question from someone with his own car park.
By Guy Sigley5 years ago in Feast
The Refrigerator
The light suddenly came on, and Heinz stood proud and tall, hoping to be noticed, hoping to be the one chosen for the mission, whatever it was. A hand reached in and grabbed a soda, quickly retreating and turning the world dark once again. French’s smirked, “Why do you always think you will be the chosen one, you’re nothing but catsup.” “CATSUP?” I’ll have you know…” Mr. Hunt interrupted, “Excuse me, but I spell my name with a K if you’d bother to read my label, it’s ketchup.” “I don’t care how you spell it,” piped in Lea, “can we return to the subject at hand? We need to ascertain our primary course of engagement in the pursuit of the communal objective.” “Yeah, and we also need to figure out what do next,” added Perrins.
By Darryl Brooks5 years ago in Feast
The Double Down Changed the Rules
Long ago, our predecessors on this Earth fought what were known as “gentlemen’s wars”, in which two opposing sides would line up across from one another on the battlefield and shoot across the gap until one was defeated. Undoubtedly grizzly and horrible, as is any life cut short, but strangely honorable as well.
By Silas Harris5 years ago in Feast
Taco Bell Broke Me
I thought we had something special. Cheap tacos from an indy competitor were my gateway item. Sitting at my desk as a high school senior, I watched the clock tick towards dismissal. When the bell came, I skipped my locker and sprinted for my car. When you’re ordering 40 tacos for yourself and your friends, you have to be first in the drive-through.
By Brian E. Wish5 years ago in Feast
Cop A Plea To Original Zin
Wrapping sausages in something is not unique to the USA or my country, the UK. A quick search will reveal sausages wrapped in something from China (a steamed bun) to Israel (ketchup and Phyllo dough over a kosher dog) and from Argentina to Estonia.
By Andy Killoran5 years ago in Feast
Interview: I Really Couldn’t Take Another Bite
“No, really, I’m stuffed.” Last week, we were able to sit down with Michelle Bunkton, who’d finished her dinner mere seconds before we’d offered dessert. The following interview was held in discussion about her feelings and concerns regarding said dessert, concerning her past experiences of having eaten her fill.
By Connor Thiessen5 years ago in Feast
Coffee: The Super Hero of Beverages!
Coffee: Just for the record, coffee is not your friend. Coffee is a liar. To be fair, perhaps coffee isn't lying. Perhaps it actually believes it's your friend. It believes this in the same way that a drunken stranger believes you are her friend as she grabs you by the arm and drags you onto the dance floor at a wealthy cousin's wedding. Maybe it believes this in the same way that a stranger on the bus believes you are friends and helps his or herself to one of your pretzel bites. Or maybe it believes none of these things but feels as though it's simply being kind.
By Azaliah Yadinah5 years ago in Feast
War on Tomatoes
Why are tomatoes so damn prevalent in our society. They have now become a staple in most sandwiches and meals. I ask… WHY? There seems to be a consensus that tomatoes are just as universal as lettuce. NEWSFLASH THEY ARE NOT. I know a number of people who don’t like tomatoes but have you ever met anyone that doesn’t like lettuce.
By Byran Ferrol5 years ago in Feast
