satire
Food industry and celebrity satire presented by Feast.
The Pantry Wars
There is a feud that few people know of. Between the clans of Rutaceae and Anthocarp. Within the clan of Rutaceae the Citrus sinensis family, the Orange family strongly dictate the feudal fights and are the forerunners of the fight. Whereas within the clan of Anthocarp, the Musa family, the Banana family, the proud, and astute leading name of the lower fruit shelves. However, there has been a feud between the two since the last time the pantry was restocked. The Oranges and the Bananas were once neighbors. However, because of their close proximity, the bruisers, and the ninjas would fight incessantly. The sheer number of Oranges forced the Bananas to a lower shelf, and thus claiming superior rule upon the pantry and its contents. The Banana family bruised, and beaten have taken the upper hand in the fighting; singling them out and peeling them one by one. Getting under their skin, and striking fear in their cores. Recently with the death of Lord Sheldon the Swift, the Bananas have been calling for all-out war. Rallying their clan and many food groups to their cause, likewise, the Oranges have called upon their allies for support. The battle for the Shelves has ended, the battle for the Pantry begins.
By Christopher Grenchik8 years ago in Feast
A World Without Oreos
It all started when Oreo publicly shamed me on Twitter. I had posted a photo of chocolate sandwich cookies that I had eaten and I referred to them as Oreos. They were not Oreos. Oreo told me that, for the whole world to see. I was ashamed I could never show my face again. I moved away, changed my name, deleted my Twitter, and I never bought an Oreo again.
By Tanner Masters8 years ago in Feast
The Way to This Man's Heart is Through His Stomach!
I am not a king, a President or the head of a huge organization of any sort. I am a plain person who is just trying to live my life from one day to the next. I am not fancy and do not require special preparations. I am just ME, a regular New York City male.
By Maurice Bernier8 years ago in Feast
A Quest for Lettuce
Last night was difficult, to say the least. I like to be in bed early. Nine, ten o’clock at the latest. Relax. Read, and drift peacefully off to sleep. But at about quarter till nine last night, I made the mistake of looking in my fridge. Empty.
By Lon Casler Bixby9 years ago in Feast
Just Grubbin Series: Mo's Inaugural BBQ Draft
**Mo Hall is part of the JG blogging team and has eaten A LOT of BBQ this summer. So he decided to give us his "best of" list of what he's tried indulged in so far. Instead of your normal "Power Rankings" he went with a professional sports draft format.**
By Just Grubbin9 years ago in Feast
Just Grubbin Series: Welcome to Philly Markelle Fultz
The drafting process seems to be coming to mother fuckin completion for the Philadelphia 76ers as they drafted Markelle Fultz number one overall in this year's draft! I know what your thinking " .....the hell does this have to do with food?" My main inspiration for this post came because he gave us this food gem shortly after being drafted ( via The Players Tribune).
By Just Grubbin9 years ago in Feast
Food Fights in Film
In school, food fights are something that every teacher dreads — and it's obvious why. They're messy, and if a fight breaks out, they'll have to call parents to get a new change of clothing for the kids that weren't able to dodge milk. Thankfully, most food fights aren't as crazy as the ones you see in movies, and they're usually rather rare.
By Cato Conroy9 years ago in Feast
Insane Things Elvis Presley Ate
Elvis Presley may have been the King, but even a king wouldn't be fit to consume these meals. Elvis, brought up on southern cooking, ate a lot of weird things. It is no doubt his unhealthy diet led to his declining health, leading to an early death at the age of 42. The drugs helped, though.
By Anthony Gramuglia9 years ago in Feast
Gag-Worthy Retro Foods People Actually Ate
Doctors and statisticians can both agree that people used to be a lot skinnier back in the 1950s. Despite the thinner waistlines, most of the recipes that you'll read involved gross quantities of foods we know are fattening today.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart9 years ago in Feast
Weird Food Combinations that People Seem to Love
Since the beginning of our civilization, people have experimented with flavors by combining different foods together—sometimes in weird, unexpected ways—to create a dish that people would love. While many people seem satisfied with the understood vistas of flavor society has unveiled for us, there are those among us who wish to draw back the curtain on the odder flavors in the world.
By Anthony Gramuglia9 years ago in Feast
