Salad Therapy

It’s a no-brainer. Especially since what’s left of your congeniality got swallowed two (or whatever number) days ago.

Pick a reason:

o Mechanic/dentist/plumber/lawyer/etc., etc. who overcharged you…again

o Third kid or (pick a number,) third viral vomiting, fever, diarrhea rounds

o Every person you've met on the road who should be restricted to horse/donkey/pogo stick/tricycle/etc. because they can’t drive for toot’s sake and endanger the rest of us

o Bill number umpteen gazillion million

o Inside the “How did we get here?” part of the relationship

o One more Zoom/school/managerial/association/PowerPoint/etc. meeting will result in permanent brain recession

o Interaction with people who can’t communicate their way out of a paper bag to save their life

o Other________

No need to book an appointment when you have quick and easy relief, get to hold a knife practically the entire time, AND not have to worry about grievous bodily harm (GBH) charges.

This is also one of the easiest recipes you’ll ever make, with no measurements to take since who's got the capacity for that when you’re stressed out enough as it is?

Okay, I was.

Transcontinental relocation alone with two children can do that a bit. Especially when following professional advice given that routinely changes within 24 hours post-return to the same establishment. Clear consistent communication became the bane of my existence until salad therapy.

Yes, that’s the name of my special dish.

Salad therapy.

Did you know that according to Health Magazine, when you’re stressed, angry, anxious, etc., crunchy foods may help relieve tension? It provides a mechanical outlet for a tense neck and/or jaw.

Perhaps explains why people can couch sit with endless bags of chips, popcorn, and nachos.

But salad therapy is different because it’s GOOD for you as part of your '5-a-day' food intake.

Grab:-

2 bell peppers (bright colors like orange or yellow

Half a large cucumber (or 1 small one)

2 tomatoes

1 handful of black olives

2 or 3 lemons (depending on how juicy they are)

2 large garlic cloves (or 4 small ones)

Himalayan or Sea salt

Cayenne pepper

Make sure you have the kitchen to yourself as I did after discovering that the local under-10-year-old juvenile delinquents kept setting fires around the protected woodland where we lived to the point that the fire department had to be called. Those miscreants remained a menace, regularly banging on the door and climbing the tree in my backyard, uttering profanities to upset the neighbors.

Apparently, dealing with such issues the way it’s done back home contravenes some sort of obscure local policy/legislation, although no physical contact is required. The recommended guidance is to contact the police, and then get out a chopping board. Dice all those vegetables and put ‘em in a big bowl—except for the cucumber. Slice that green boy and cut it in quarters then chuck it in.

In between rounds of dicing, sprinkle salt and cayenne pepper, then squeeze lemon juice over the bowl contents. Give a stir halfway through so that the seasonings mix in well. Pick that knife back up right away and chop-chop-chop-when you find-chop-out-chop-your Mom-chop-chop-nearly died-chop-chop-chop-chop-and is in hospital-chop-and-chop-you-chop-cannot afford-chop-chop-to fly home-chop-chop-chop-with your-chop-two-children to see her.

Dammit.

The lemon juice, along with the cayenne and garlic all over my fingers are fantastic body cleansers and sufficiently irritate eyes something awful to discourage the type of crying that takes one into the darkened abyss of no return.

I did get to fly home later in 2019 to visit Mom. And all those held-back tears…sure came out then.

Salad therapy came about rather organically as a culinary variation, I guess. Somewhere between the legendary Bahamian conch salad and Indian kachumber salad, both of which I couldn’t get enough of back home. Living far away often meant the sacrifice of usual comforts in a trade-off under duress. I created a hybrid dish of sorts with what I had and it…was…slammin’!

Just look at that antioxidant rainbow in a bowl!

When I close my eyes-crunch-the flavors-crunch-crunch-transport me-crunch-to-crunch-tropical locations-crunchitty-crunch-crunch-crunch.

See. Inexpensive, hassle-free travel.

It’s ideal to experiment with the cayenne pepper to your tolerance. I tend to put a lot in because it does wonders for my constitution. Gives my entire torso that warm feeling. Plus, it’s counteracted by the water in the cucumber, as well as the lemon juice, and salt.

Sometimes the rigors of daily living take away your appetite. Sometimes it’s financially impossible to make ends meet with two young children on your own. Sometimes when acclimating to new surroundings and someone moves the goalposts you’ve just adjusted to further away, there’s not even the energy to sigh about it.

Reminiscing over the times I’ve sat down with salad therapy after it has marinated just right (Note: You don’t have to let it marinate. but it will have extra kick when left overnight,) I’ve had moments eating it where I experienced a 'mini-bliss-acation.' That savor of different levels of crunch with tangy-ness and knowing I could eat as much as I wanted cuz…HEALTHY!

Deliciousness levels beckoning became its downfall when I would come home anticipating a big bowl or mug to munch on…only to find that one of my offspring had “offed” the remainder, leaving not a trace.

Hell hath no fury like the anticipation of a dish you’ve been thinking about all day NOT being there when you walk into the kitchen!

I guess I should have divulged up front that salad therapy pretty much has irresistible properties.

The kids devoured it.

And since it has to be kept in the fridge, you can’t exactly hide it anywhere to “secure” your stash. But the good news is that it barely takes about 20 minutes to create and enjoy. The ingredients are easy to come by and are probably in your kitchen already.

Why share this now you ask?

Our world currently looks like a stranger we met briefly last year in a bar who got strung out on meth after the worst breakup ever, five cosmetic surgeries—add a nervous breakdown—and is now desperately trying to convince us that we know them.

For real.

Everybody needs to be shelling out the ‘best kepts’ to help us all circumnavigate this existential lunacy right now.

By all means, please ‘salad therapy’ away to your heart’s content.

Thank you so much for stopping by to read! You're an awesome supporter and right now, you look positively delightful next to my salad therapy. Yum-yums!

Sending you 'write vibes!'