Last Meal On Earth - Death Row Dinner Letter

Author's Notes: For this week in my ongoing slog through making my name and writing appear all over Vocal via my self-imposed ABCommunities Challenge, I have arrived on the Feast Community. I figured I'd just write about some of my favourite food. Wow, holy hot dogs, Batman! I know, I know... hold onto your excitement, folks! Also, I've taken a slightly different approach to a Feast piece. Cos, I'm Paul. Also, also, we have one more week before I reach Filthy, next week, from Wednesday 16th onwards! Woo?

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Dear Momma

It's a funny thing, sitting here on Death Row, for the double-murder of two intruders. Funny, not because I take delight in their slow and painful demise or that I used more than necessary force. I mean, that was fun, but that's not what I find funny about sitting here, writing this. What I find funny is that I am writing about what I want to eat. On my last meal on this planet, before I sizzle (I am reliably informed I will be getting the chair), all I can think of eating is BBQ. Ironic? Not really, as BBQ food is delicious.

The thought of dripping meats, falling off the bone over a wild and dancing fire, is making me all kinds of excited.

But, really, if I think about it. I mean really think about it...the following is the food I'd want to eat before I am electrocuted until my heart gives out, my lungs give out and I expire before a small audience.

A Good Crisp Sandwich

Crisp as in chips for the 'Mericans and non-British readers. I love a good Walkers Cheese and Onion sandwich. White or at least some kinda half-in-half with lots of butter/spread and then I grab my bag of Walkers and crush it a little before opening it and dropping it onto one slice of the bread. Then I add the doughy lid and listen to the pressure being applied to the crisps as they crunch down.

Bliss.

Hot Tip - On occasion, I like to throw caution to the bloody wind and add a layer of cheese. It ups the cheese ante (if there was ever such a thing) and gives it a bit more nutritional substance.

Offal - Liver and Kidney

I know lots of people have just thrown up chunks at the idea of this, but liver and kidney are two of my favourite animal-based ingredients. I remember how you, my dear momma, would cook it for us kids, and I was always grateful for extras! Liver, onion and lots of gravy are best served with creamy mash and some peas (maybe carrots, broccoli and Brussels sprouts).

Kidney is best prepared and popped into a pie. Unfortunately, I am not the best at anything pastry-related. I can bake the hell out of a cake, but not pies and stuff. Fortunately, I was married to a wonderful woman named, Ruth, your daughter-in-law, who is a goddess in the kitchen when it comes to pastry baking. Unfortunately, I do not live with her anymore, I've not even seen her since I was incarcerated. Unfortunately, we don't have pie very often, which is why I want to have it before life is shocked out of me.

Top Tip - Liver and onion in gravy is best served with mash and veg as outlined above. Unless it's morning and there is some left over. Rather than slicing it up, I love to fry it like steak and serve it in a sandwich with fried eggs. Delicious. I am going to fry soon, but I doubt my flesh will taste as nice!

Lasagne

Perhaps my favourite pasta dish of all time is a good homemade lasagne. Layers upon layers of tomato-based sugo with minced beef, alternated with layers of creamy bechamel sauce, separated by pieces of pasta, that is then topped off with a layer of cheese that melts and crisps up in the oven.

Top Tip - As anyone accustomed to making traditional lasagne will know - the burnt bits along the edges and corners are the very best bits. Burnt bits like my burnt bits very soon!

Lobster

Only had lobster once, on one of the occasions we went away for our anniversary. We had a simple lobster dish of half a lobster and then lots of butter and lemon. Fiddly as anything to work with, but one of the most delicious meals I have ever had.

Top Tip - Eat lobster. Unless you're vegetarian. Then, don't eat lobster.

Baked Camembert

Camembert is among my favourite cheeses (sorry Nonna, I know it's a Frenchie one, but it's too delicious to ignore). I know it has that funky old feet smell to it, but I love how when you toast slices of this cheese on bread, the rind maintains its texture and structure, while the soft cheese just melts into a sauce.

The best way to have Camembert is, though, baked in a light breadcrumb coating. Just sublime with a sweet chilli dipping sauce and perhaps some crusty bread. Oui-oui.

Top Tip - Someone buy me Camembert. Please, I'm drooling here. On second thoughts, don't bother, because by the time you read this letter and have a chance to act on it, you'll have seen my electrocuted to death.

Donuts

In case you didn't know, I love donuts. Do I need to qualify this with explanations? Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside and if they are a filled donut, full of creamy, syrupy, sweet and tangy goodness. At least before the sweet relief that death brings after 5 amperes of current at 2000 volts have coursed through me, I can enjoy a sweet donut. Even if it's a simple ring donut with crystalised sugar.

Marshmallows

Another thing, I absolutely adore, is marshmallows. Again, do I really need to qualify it with explanations? I like it when they have a slightly harder texture on the outside but a sticky and soft interior. Roasting them over open fire, watching them char, like my body will undoubtedly char when they throw the switch on for the chair.

Momma, I know you probably think I should be sorry for what I did to those men, but I don't regret it. I was protecting my own.

I would likely do the same thing if I could live it all again.

I regret causing you so much pain, suffering and worry.

I hope you forgive me

Yours with love

Johnny

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Thanks for reading!

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