Café Etiquette

This was inspired by one of my own comments:

Take a look at these brain droppings once again, and please note that I have commented on many small details about life that we often ignore. Here, I wrote about how the best cafés serve coffee not worth their particular atmospheres, and many of you were amused by this thought. And I may one day continue with these lines (so much to contain in notebooks).

It also had me thinking about my life in Montréal.

If I had never left my hometown, I would probably be one of the many suburbanites in my family happy to go through a drive-through or take an occasional trip to the mall for a coffee. It would be an expensive treat that was not to be enjoyed as a daily form of decompression. I mean the café itself, not just the drinks. I am glad that I do live in a city that encourages people to not only walk or take the occasional bike when the weather is nice (or even not so nice), but also to stop at cafés and coffee shops created by both large and well-known chains and also local baristas and dreamers who want to create a nice stop during the week. I have my list of favourite stops and it grows when I see who else is jumping into the challenging world of coffee life and café culture.

I also have a few ideas about etiquette that both rookies and natives should accept:

1. Never Be a Tourist!

This might be difficult, especially if you are one. What I mean is do not enter a café with the attitude that you know nothing about ordering a coffee, even if the menu is right above the counter on a whiteboard or magnetized letters. Make sure that you voice is not louder than the terrible music of hits from someone else's youth. You want to blend in with your chosen stop for java. Get to it!

2. Options Are Optional!

Am I the only one who is fed up with all the choices and nonsense people demand when they are at the counter and see that they can make changes that will take up to the time it takes for me to watch a short YT video on my smartphone? Yes, it is sad that you are lactose-intolerant and that you can only have coffee infused with sacred yak milk from the third tribe on the outer Gobi Desert plain, but we do not have to bear the burden of your gastrointestinal issues. Keep it simple and keep it fast!

3. Non-Musical Chairs!

Let me explain: once you have walked into a café, it might be tricky to find a seat for yourself, your friends, your lapdog and her own personal travel case. I put the onus on the patron, not the café, when I see people trying to hog seats for people who will show up soon (I promise). Finding a spot should not be something that the other people waiting in line are punished for. Go for a walk if there is not a seat in the house! And do not linger and expect the seats to be free!

4. WiFi Is Not Your Best Friend!

One of the more interesting developments I've noticed in the city is that there are now cafés where they do not provide WiFi service. 'Talk to each other!' is the admonishment that I found to be quite charming. Yes, talk to each other. Don't pretend that you are working on that screenplay or doing your homework (some of you really do need a girlfriend and...boundaries). There is so much talk about loneliness and not have another space to meet people. What about the café? Some places have open tables and encourage you to sit together. Take advantage of this lack of tech!

5. Time Is Not Money!

This is absolutely true (Benjamin Franklin be damned). Time is not just money; it is far more valuable than that. There is a great word in French that sounds better than its English translation: décompresser. It means 'to relax; to let the stress of the day go'. I wonder if anyone understands that time is not necessarily on your side. There are a million-and-one distractions on your phone, and it is only getting worse. Please sit back, enjoy your drink, and realize that things can wait and life should not be leaving you behind. Enjoy the java jolt!

*

So, those are my thoughts. Please go to the comments and tell me what you would add to my list, what bothers you most when you are in a café, or just to tell me some of your happier or uglier stories of the kaffeeklatch culture!

*

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this, you can add your Insights, Comment, leave a Heart, Tip, Pledge, or Subscribe. I will appreciate any support you have shown for my work.

You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

Give it a look...