divorced
Sometimes a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.
The Chinese Family That Was
It was unexpected when my mother met my step father. I was only 3 years old. I didn't understand societal views of race at the time but I knew that if this man married my mother, I would be different from everyone else. He was a Chinese man from Hong Kong that had met my mother, an Indian woman, at a party. I didn't know much about my biological father, I was so young when my parents split up, just that I had taken his complexion in my parents creation of me, he was a African man, and that he lived in Cameroon. I lived with my mother and my sister, and so ultimately I lived with my step father, the china man. It wasn't easy at first. I was a mixed black girl with an Indian mother and a Chinese father. In the beginning I didn't like being different from my friends who all had parents that looked like them until I had gotten older and had become assimilated into the Chinese culture. His family had become my family, and my mother was not close to her family so in turn, they became hers as well. My life is filled with memories of being a Chinese girl, despite not actually being one. My grand father (ye-ye) and grandmother (ma-ma) were the only grandparents I have ever known and they had come to visit us in America bringing along with them their other children, 3 sons, their wives and their grand children when I was 7. It was exciting to have so many uncles and cousins and every time we would come together it was an elaborate occasion. The feasts were grand and we would travel far (or what seemed like it was far as a child) to go to authentic Cantonese restaurants. In addition, there was extended family that lived in Virginia and we would spend Christmas, Thanksgiving and Chinese New Years with them every year. My parents would visit my ye-ye and ma-ma every fall in China and they would always come back with Chinese teas along with Chinese silk dresses and bags. I felt beautiful wearing such unique, expensive and beautiful things that were made especially for me. My parents would come back from visiting China and would tell us stories of the adventures they had in Hong Kong. My ye-ye owned some sort of paper company and they were very wealthy so the stories they told seemed like an exotic dream. They would show my sister and I pictures of the Great Wall and the star ferry, The 10,000 Buddhas Monestary and so many more magical places that I would fall asleep dreaming of these exploring the mystical treasures of Hong Kong. My sister and I longed to visit and every year my parents would go it would seem like torture that we couldn't go with them. Years past as this tradition with my parents traveling to China occurred then one day they returned from their trip with exciting news. My ye-ye was getting old, and they had decided to take the entire family to Hong Kong for his 100th birthday in the year 2000. I didn't know why but I began to cry. I had this overwhelming feeling that it for some reason wouldn't happen. My mother and father reassured me. The family trip was only a few years away, what could go wrong? My mother had gotten cancer that year and the next year would be a hardship on our family. I had noticed my mother and father arguing a lot, then sleeping in different bed rooms. It never occurred to me that they would split up. He had been my father for more than 20 years. He was my father and I was his daughter. The blood at this point meant nothing to me. I had grown up dreaming of singing at my cousin's weddings and having a big Chinese wedding myself. I didn't realize the harsh reality that we were never truly their family. One by one, we started getting uninvited to events. My uncles and aunts as well as my father had stopped returning my phone calls. I was so confused, I made up excuses for why they had abandoned my sister and I. This was the only family I had ever known and all of a sudden they were acting like we were just random people they had to cut ties with. I didn't stop being angry until years later, in 2002 when I had found out my ma-ma was very sick with Alzheimer's, had died and we were not invited to the funeral. My ye-ye was very sick and on his deathbed. I had decided I was going to my step father's to confront him and ask him why he had stopped calling. I spent all afternoon making his favorite muffins and went over on father's day. I could tell by his expression when he answered the door that he was sad. He was hesitant to let me in. He sat me down and told me he loved me. He told me he missed me and that I was his favorite girl. Then he told me it would be easier if I would forget him and move on. I was heart broken. I wept hurricanes of tears as I begged him to reconsider. He handed me some tissues and kindly asked me to leave. Of course it is ridiculous to think I could forget about my family that I had grown up with and grown to love. The Chinese culture was so embedded in me at this point, that I was lost. After years of therapy and healing I realize that the easiest thing to do was not to forget my family or my up bringing. To do that would be to ignore a large piece of myself. Instead I will embrace the time we had together and learn more about the culture of the people I once called my family. It was and still is a dream to visit Hong Kong and to explore what I dreamt about as a child and finally get some closure.
By Sabrina Taylor-Smith5 years ago in Families
The Realities of Divorce
My parents separated when I was eight. We lived in Virginia which meant the parents had to be living separately for one year. They had to wait one full year until their divorce was final. The most fought after in court is the custody of the minor children. Parents, lawyers, judges etc consider minor children as property. In the video Voice of a child of divorce, the young boy is writing a letter to his parents, he is explaining to his parents that he has feelings, how he develops is in the hands of his parents. Parents that constantly bicker over the children, in front of the child lowers their self esteem. By putting the other spouse down in front of your child sends a signal that they aren't worthy of love or being loved.
By Lawrence Edward Hinchee5 years ago in Families
When My Father Left
My parents divorced when I was about two years old. I don't remember much about the ordeal. I do remember that my sister (who is three years older) and I were still very close to my father. He called us his Little Women because we use to always want to watch the movie at his house. We would spend every other weekend with him and sometimes Holidays. I was a daddy's girl.
By Summer Holiday5 years ago in Families
Divorce
Usually in a divorce, the couple that is divorcing needs to make the decision about who is going to keep the house. They need to work this out on their own or make sure that the courts address it. You must make the decision about what will be done with the property. There are many different options, and it is important to make sure that the decision is best for everyone involved.
By Spirit Guide Communication through the Art of Divination5 years ago in Families
Divorce
When you are going through a divorce, there are a lot of preparations you must do. You will want to make sure that you are hitting on all the things that you need to so that you are not missing anything. You will want to make a list of the items that you have to do so that you can have it done and ready with no problems. This will help you in the rebuilding of your new life after divorce.
By Spirit Guide Communication through the Art of Divination5 years ago in Families
A Broken Home
Unknown of what to write this winters eve. Should we continue to strive at writing our own story? For what ever reason that we do, I think it is the right one. Me, I am writing so people know who I am, what has happened in my life, and most importantly, to move on. I suffer from serious mental illness so I do not write the best so I would appreciate you looking past the unexplained errors.
By Brandy Tharp5 years ago in Families
Becoming a Divorcee
Recently I saw a photograph of my best friend’s wedding day, happily displayed on Facebook in celebration of her 19th wedding anniversary. I remember the wedding day very fondly, and clicked a ‘like’ on the photograph, wrote a comment to my friend, congratulating her and her husband, and sending my love to them all, with a big, happy exclamation mark at the end. The day the photograph was taken, 19 years ago, I too was a young newlywed, having married my first husband not quite three months earlier. My happiness towards my friends on the celebration of their anniversary was honest and genuine – they are wonderful people, and I feel fortunate to be able to call them friends - but I have to admit, I was left with a strange, initially unidentified feeling for the rest of the day. My stomach felt knotted, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was causing it. That evening, my husband was out, and my daughter had gone to bed, and I gave myself some time to consider the strange, heavy feeling that had afflicted me all day, and I found I could identify its root. My own first marriage, begun in the same year as my best friend’s 18-year success story, sadly ended after 10 years, and it was my prickling feelings of failure that were causing the grey mood I had been experiencing all day.
By Sarah Newlyn5 years ago in Families
How 10 years can change your life to the point of no return!
I am an Irish born woman, I love my home country and always want to go back but I am in a relationship with a Bronx born guy who will never move to the country that calls my heart home every day. When I move here, it was to help my 8 month prenant sister whom has arrived in NY two years prior to me. When I got to NY I was living the life any 21 year old could only wish to live. I was waitressing in an Irish Restaurant (go figure) and I finished work at 12am and when in NY what is there to do at that time when you've been working all day, go to the bar and join the fun. I was sleeping all day, getting up at pm and starting work at 3pm. That was a 9 hour shift, being paid $2 an hour + tips, the income wasnt what I imagined so I was sleeping on my sisters sofa. She went on and had the baby in October 2009, a beautiful baby boy, and I helped as I had planned on doing. Unfortunately, she left 10 months later and I decided to stay. I was heartbroken but life must go on. I had to adjust to life here by myself and make move to improve my living situation. I found a better job, an administrative assistant at a well known moving and storage company in Manhattan. It wasnt the Manhattan so many girls dream of working in, it was in the less than favorable part. Sometimes I wonder if I hadnt taken that job where my life would have gone. This point is where everything changed for me. Overtime after taking this job I changed Personally, and mentally. I dont want to give the whole story away in one shot but I went through things, so many things, that many people wonder how I had the strength to go on, or even stay in NY. I am going to make my story into many sections as there is so much to say and I dont want to bombard you all with it all in one go. Believe me when I say this story is one you want to read its full of betrayal in the worst way, having to pick myself back up, coming out on top again only to fall after giving birth to my first child. This story will never end as I still live this story, day after day, so you won't get bored that I guarantee you. Thank you for reading my first story and I look forward to continung the journey down memory lane with you all and bringing you into my life and understanding where my strength and my weaknesses come from. It all starts when I was a child in Ireland with an alcoholic mother, 6 siblings, 3 of whom I lived with and 2 I didn't live with and didn't know. Periods of time in care with an amazing family who I still love to this day. Please stay with me and you will learn every last detail about me and why I am the person I am today. Thanks you and much love, Zara xx
By Zara Lynch5 years ago in Families
The Monster
My life, just as yours, has been a string of events. Some good. Some bad. All leading me to where I am today. Would one thing have changed that? That is a question we all ask, yet never truly know. Maybe it's better we don't know. Probably for our own good, some Devine greater power, or whatever.
By Tara Muckerheide5 years ago in Families
