The Final Cut
Editing a written story is an opportunity to improve. But sometimes the clock expires, and no further changes can be made. Is there even a lesson to be learned here? Is there such a thing as the perfect piece?
If anyone ever told you that writing is easy, that anyone can do it, you can thank them for falsely encouraging creativity without elaborating on such a claim.
Yes, anyone literate can write their thoughts down on paper and successfully convey a message or create compelling narratives driven by sense of purpose. But is it really compelling? The word in itself is subjective, requiring multiple interpretations before a general consensus can be made.
I don't consider everything I write to be compelling. As much as I would like for every one of my pieces to strike a chord with readers, the reality is something different: My style is not for everyone. I'm all over the place and no one can pinpoint exactly what type of writer I am. This, in itself is a creative risk.
"Is Lamar showing a different side?"
"Is this what we can expect from now on?"
"I wish he would stick to what he knows"
"I'm not sure I understand this angle."
Perhaps this is what flows through the mind of a reader after they've read something I consider finished. I'm not insecure about what I write, it's normal to wonder if I made the right decisions, if I made a solid connection with the reader.
On the flipside, I love the opportunity to read different genres from the same author, deciding if it worked for me or not. Especially on Vocal.
The one thing this site does effectively is forcing us out of our comfort zone, our wheelhouse or any other place we hide from expanding our creativity...
***
I had a wakeup call last year when I Joined the Summer Nano-fiction, Writing Battle.
I also took a huge risk with what I wanted to write...
Trying to stand out, I decided to do my entry in 2nd person, hoping it would set me apart from the hundreds, perhaps thousands of entries I was up against.
It set me apart alright, just not exactly in the way I wanted.
The story turned out okay. I received some very encouraging comments. But my lack of experience with 2nd person became apparent. What I thought was compelling, was full of mistakes, including a couple rookie ones.
At first glance, the story reads ok. But when you have judgmental eyes geared at picking it apart, dissecting its very bones, it becomes obvious I should have done more research and read more examples...
The following nano fiction was published in the competition exactly the way it is posted here.
Athenaeum
You loathed every second of being behind those cold, steel bars more than the many rejections you received from shameless publishers. You blamed them for not recognizing your brilliance. Who were they to you but a bunch of pretentious critics who knew a thing or two about words…
Resentment was a dangerous place for you to linger. It allowed your thoughts to incubate and blister until revenge was the only verb you cared about. You may have gotten away with it if you stopped at the death of your sixth victim. Lucky number seven survived to tell the tale of how you, the lonely librarian, went off the rails.
But you were clever, more creative than the society of bad people you were locked up with. The day your cellmate showed you the stolen chisel they would use to slowly file breaks in the bars of that narrow window, you knew they were pathetic. Days on end you listened to the cringy sound of that chisel. You used the time to recall intriguing stories of mystery you were addicted to reading. One of those memories struck you as feasible…
A vile and noxious ride in the receptor of a garbage truck to a landfill, was how you escaped and disappeared. You, a mastermind? Perhaps.
If I were a publisher, knowing you are out there, I would be extra careful of what I reject…
Tell me, librarian, was it worth going mad pursuing a dream? You murdered that too.
Well, there you have it! 248 words with the limit being 250. Even now, as I read it, I want to change so many things.
I think the general idea of a serial killer was established. I believe the prompts were used correctly and the overall delivery was satisfactory.
But it's painfully clear why it didn't do well. First, and the most embarrassing, was my reference to 'revenge' as being a verb when it's clearly used in the sentence as a noun. I didn't catch it until it was too late. I knew it would be the focus of some of the comments as it should have been and was. I was too caught up on how great it sounded to describe the festering thoughts of the librarian and how those thoughts eventually led to a mental breakdown, initiating the murders.
Next, one commenter pointed out that 'the method of escape was too short, almost an afterthought'. Fair enough, considering the genre was Jailbreak.
I focused on making it more of a reveal than incorporating detailed steps involved in the escape. I accepted the feedback and thanked them for pointing it out.
Consistency was an issue. One commenter questioned if the grammar of this sentence was correct: "The day your cellmate showed you the stolen chisel they would use to slowly file breaks in the bars of that narrow window, you knew they were pathetic." This is where second person gets tricky for me. I'm positive I rewrote this line several times. Reason being, 2nd person is geared towards giving the reader a different experience, a more personal experience, allowing them to feel like they are part of the story. Therefore, for this short piece, I made sure not to hint at the gender of the librarian, leaving it ambiguous. As soon as the reader knows the gender of the cellmate, they will assume what the gender of the MC is because men and women prisoners are housed separately. I decided to use 'they' at the end of the sentence instead of he or she because, for example, once a female reader knows the gender of the MC is male, she will feel less connected to the character. At least that's what made sense to me.
The final critique is a personal one. After reading my entry more than a dozen times after it was published, I realized I used the word "you" too often. You this, you that, you you you! I prayed that just this one time, I could gain mental telepathy to coax the algorithm into replacing 20% of the 'yous'. A pathetic pipe dream.
Honestly, the repetition messes with the overall flow. After I realized this, I knew it had zero chance of moving forward.
I decided to never edit in the changes Athenaeum is begging for. It needs to serve as a reminder of a time I barely knew what I was doing. It needs to remain a reference point to gage improvements. It needs to stay exactly how I released it. The competition is over. I didn't place. I wasn't surprised. I'm over it. I don't plan to use this story elsewhere. It is what it is.
***
Writing can be a seamless outpouring of thoughts for those of us with plenty to say, allowing others to get a glimpse inside the mind of a writer. But there is so much more to it. I appreciate the art form more than I can express here. Manipulating words into fictional worlds is something I plan to do for a long time...
About the Creator
Lamar Wiggins
Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry.
"Life is Love Experienced" -LW
LDubs
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Comments (26)
Second-person is really tricky Lamar, so good on you for giving it a go in that piece! I've never done Writing Battle, but like the idea of how tight the word count is. I think you make a good point when you say " It needs to remain a reference point to gage improvements."- sometimes it's useful to look back on what you've done before, and see what you can change or adapt. Congrats on the HM!
Well-wrought, Lamar! And congrats for placing and the top story! I tried my hand at a second person narrative in my horror piece "The Varieties of Religious Experience". Daily Science Fiction emailed me to say they were interested, then ultimately declined. It ended up here as a Top Story. Second person works best for Choose Your Own Adveture, I think, and it's applications beyond that are limited, but it sure is fun to play with. Your insight into it here will be helpful to others, so that's not a loss at all!
Congratulations, Lamar, on your honorable mention! I think writing in the 2nd person is tricky, but you rose to the challenge. Vocal Media has most definitely pushed me outside my comfort zone, and I commend all writers who follow suit. I thoroughly enjoy seeing a creator explore a different genre or writing style, and I appreciate you walking us through your thoughts. 😊💪💪
Honorable Mention 🤝 Honorable Mention
Wooohooooo congratulations on your honourable mention! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Yay Lamar!!!! Love that you got honourable mention for the self-editing challenge!! Congrats!! 🎉
Caulk it up to a learning experience. Keeping it the way it is, I would do the same. Congratulations on the Leaderboard win!!!❤️❤️💕
First of all I love that you went out of genre and comfort narrator type!! I love watching other people step out of that comfort zone, because the worst thing that can happen is you grow a little! I appreciate your vulnerability with this whole piece, the way you talked about your trials and how you still cringe a little at some of these mistakes. But I also want to remind you that even our short comings and mistakes are part of the journey - a stepping stone to our growth! So although you cringe, I love this for you because you've had the chance to grow! Also, congrats on honourable mention this week!!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
It's a superpower in its own right to be able to accept feedback so openly, something I still struggle with when the rare publisher sends back actual thoughts instead of a form rejection. But, as you found, often they point out issues we already knew, even if on a subconscious level. And I applaud you for trying out second-person perspective. That's ground even I haven't walked before (to the point that I reached that part and said "BOLD" out loud). And I've written plenty of experiments for prompts and challenges that ended the same way. I don't hate it. I don't love it, either. But figuring out why we feel the way we feel about a piece--even if that feeling is "eh"--is a valuable lesson all its own for future writing
Nicely done with the analysis & critique. Honestly, none of those things bothered me. The reference to the noun "revenge" as a verb twists the brain just a bit encouraging a little greater entry into the mind of your MC. The use of "they" as a third person singular pronoun has become a widely accepted convention that in my mind becomes little more than a pet peeve for those who object to it (if I'm being kind). The ubiquitous use of "you" focuses the MC's fixation for us. The only thing I found jarring was the use of the first person singular at the end. I'm still not sure about it.
What an insightful critique piece, Lamar! I like how you walked us through the revisions you would make but that there’s a purpose in leaving a piece unedited. Sometimes we need to leave a map behind us of where we’ve been but don’t have to go back to try a rewrite it into the present!
I enjoyed getting a peak into your psyche in this essay, Lamar, and I’m impressed at how far you were willing go out side of your comfort zone for the contest. I have never attempted 2nd person before so it’s easy for me to imagine how challenging that was. Great entry to the challenge and good luck!
L-Bro - Such a fun read: No one is everything to someone..! I mean there are those that think I'm just a silly cartoonist; nothing more..Hmm! Ricky Nelson once sang 'Garden Party' - "We can't please everyone, so try to please yourself." You know that I've always teased you re; how much you 'Flop' around from one eclectic topic to another. But that's what makes your 'Goop' so interesting - and I say that with the nicest compliment..! In and of itself, our VillageBucket Professor Lana gave you a passing report card. But word in the 'hood is that she only grades on a curve. You always do seem to amuse me..! A Good Thing..! j-bud.in.l.a.
Taking us through your creative process of critique was such a wonderful and insightful inner look! Awesome work, Lamar!
I felt like you’ve really come from a good place in critiquing your own work without beating yourself up - such a difficult thing to do some times.
Writing is a journey full of growth.
Every piece that we write we do it with doubt and wonder. It will never seem perfect, people have different tastes and views, them that win...so great...them that don't...still we did it. We rode that horse and stayed on to the end. Applause for entering your story. You learn and get better, That is where it is at.
I have never written in second person before. But as I read your story, I didn't get you used too many "you's". It felt normal for me. But then again, I'm no expert. But don't be too hard on yourself
Great reflective piece. Second person is tricky to carry off. It can sound like a scolding parent. But it can also bring an immediacy if done well.
Well, I personally think it's a well-rounded little tale. Thanks for sharing your experience and talking us through the comments. It's insightful, isn't it, to view how someone sees your story?
You took the critiques and are using them to your advantage. Thanks for sharing this!!🫶🏻💚
Nice essay on how hard it is to write well. There's about 10 things that need to come together (tension, character, emotion, five senses,etc,etc..) all at the same time, for a short story to really hit. An almost impossible task! And it's def always tough to read the feedback in Writing Battle. Best to just write what you have in your mind and put it out into the world.
I think you are too harsh on yourself, Lamar. I enjoyed that story very much. I also think that the use of “they” could have been smoother if you suggested that there were several cell mates, like it’s a 4-person cell with two bunk beds. And they were taking turns chiseling the wall. As an academic whose writing gets rejected or “revise and resubmit,” I know that winning, ie getting published or placed in a competition is tough. But participating is a good experience in itself.
Great advice and self-reflection, Lamar.