The Interview

So get this- I’m just trying to remodel my house, right? Real fixer upper, especially considering the guy that lived here before didn’t really… y’know… have much of an eye for design. Who puts carpet in the kitchen?

But it has potential, and I’m really just looking for a place to settle down with my dogs. Kids, no thanks. Much more of a solitary guy, myself.

But you find a lot of weird things around the house, I’m guessing leftover from the previous owner. Guy went to prison! Can you believe that? I don’t ask too many questions- a good bargain’s a good bargain, but hey, I’m not trying to buy the Tate house. But anyway, anyway, you just find weird shit. Calendar tacked up in the bedroom still, but only written in initials, nothing actually written out. It’ll say ‘S.K., 11 o’clock’. I bagged it up, not my business. Figured I’d see if it had anything to do with the guy’s prison time, hand it over to the proper authorities, all that.

Same with this small black notebook I found in the basement, but I kinda wanted to keep it. Real nice book, only a couple pages used. Think it was a shopping list: cling wrap, bleach, some other things. Now that was some sketchy shit, I was surprised no one kept that, but then again, it ain’t illegal to be shopping for that kinda stuff.

Anyway, was thinking of keeping it, but I don’t want any kind of bad- oh, what’s the word? Bad karma? - from keeping the guy’s shit.

Alright, alright, I’ll get to the point. You guys look impatient. So I start my renovating. Heard the guy renovated the bathroom a few years ago, but I’ll be honest, it’s ugly as sin. Everything’s the worst shade of pastel orange, looks like it hasn’t been updating since the 60s. It looks nice, I’ve got a grey theme going on now. I don’t get many guests, but if I did, I guess they’d like it. I move on to the bedroom, start ripping shit up there too. Took this molding out, found some loose panels in the walls. Figured they got taken out and never put back properly after the investigation, y’know?

So I take out the vent in the bedroom ceiling- those need cleaned, you know? It gets dusty, especially after how long the place has been empty. I’m allergic to dust, makes me sneeze. Same with my dog, but he takes sleeping on the couch over the bed any day, god knows why. I found a comfortable one though, it’s a nice green. Goes with the rest of the room really well.

Like I was saying, I’m cleaning out the vents, and I see something further up. I gotta get a flashlight and stepladder to even get to it! I shine my light in there, and it’s some fucking bag. I climb up, I get it, and I’m so confused, y’know? It’s some roll of undeveloped film and a sheet of paper, just says Kitchen floor. I figure, what the hell, the kitchen’s next on my to-do list. I don’t even finish cleaning the vent, I’m so curious about what’s under there.

Takes a while, since the kitchen floor’s this real nice carpet. Ugly colour, but hey, no sense in shredding it for no reason. But get this- there’s another vent under the carpet, one of those where there’s a sort of floor a foot or so down. I unscrew the vent and there’s this box. I open it up, and it’s filled with cash. No idea how much is in there, but it looks like a lot. Twenty grand, maybe, maybe more. I figure I better bag all this up and get down to the police station A-S-A-P because sure, the guy’s in prison, and I may not know the fuckin’ details, Officer, but a guy killing his girlfriend and draining her savings account… Seems like I’ve got some big clues in my house that you might wanna check out.