Jail Journal: Page 23

When I get out of here, I think about who I should contact but, I think I'll need a day to just catch up to probably all the missing messages and what not that probably are stacking up. I'll probably consider reaching out to people the following day. I am also considering changing my phone number after I leave as well.

I was really happy to throw away 1 page of my Jail Tasks ( my little daily to do list to mark the passing of time ). My out date is on page 4 so, it feels good to have 1 page under my belt.

Back to the topic of getting out, I think I'll spend my first night out jut converting my paper to Habatica and Vocal, listening to Youtube and relaxing, I guess. If I don't get a place to stay, I'll just get a hotel. I am going to try and not be as phone shy as well, but I think the whole being not at my mom's home is going to help with that. I don't even know how I'll be emotionally. I'll try to keep my shit together though.

I just got done asking the cards if I should do InstaWork and it was positive. Way before that, I had to deal with a pretty wold fucking night/day yesterday. Molly was too intense to endure and I think she was giving everyone a minor psychosis afterwards making for a nightmarish night. I did a benediction on my bed and just stayed there most of the night. I had a headache on top of that so, I really didn't want to leave my bed.

Luckily the next day, her and another new girl got released. It's a weird mixture of relief with a twinge of jealousy, though I think she's just going back on the streets. Hopefully they put her in a different area or something. I also hope she doesn't do any other ballistic shit and just focuses on her wellbeing.

I feel I need apologize to Stephanie but, I caught her in a lie while being reminded of Orlando, and trying to recover from the night before. I don't know about even doing Molly's tattoo. I am throwing away what I drew.

It's really crabs in a bucket in here and its affecting me mentally. I think were all wanting to detox from the night before with Molly though.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so, it will at least be a bit more eventful then the day after that I'll say goodbye to Deebeelynn. Then after that I'll only have 5 or 6 days from court or possible release.

Oh my god, just one more week. I am so happy. It will be odd navigating the world after this but, I am pretty excited to ride those waves.

I've started counting the holes in the bunk bed frames. Just 4 bunks along the 2nd story ones. I only count the ones easiest to touch on the right side with my hand, which makes 16 all together. I know it's the equivalent of counting seconds but, it gives my mind a break from thinking and I enjoy the pacing. Sometimes instead of that I read my books, following the same path of the 4 bunk beds, I don't believe in the superstition of not reading your book before leaving.

Kathy, the girl that didn't stay long with the crooked eyes, she mentioned putting the 8 of diamonds under her pillow for good luck. I called bullshit or just said, " I was never taught that. " It made me think of the curse of Scotland or something like that, but that might be of spades. To be honest, I don't know too much of cartomancy, Sharma would know. I just treat them like the tarot in terms of interpretation, but I know playing cards have their own associations to them.

I'll be honest, I think cartomancy is kind of darker than tarot, sort of like how some people think about the Thoth Decks. I know at the end of the day, it remains the purity of the reader's intentions that determines whether it is dark or light. The individual's destiny is also up to the person themselves at the end of the day so, it isn't what the cards say.