Word of the Day: 涙

I am in the same mindframe... the same mind frame as before... I was alone, when I lived with my mom I was actually very alone. I am alone now but... I am actually free.

I have a book of poetry that is titled " Nothingness was our only happiness " It is the translated lyrics to a song by Gackt.

When I was younger, I was so much in my mind. I was suffering terribly. Somehow I was saved in dreams. When I went to sleep at night, my guardian angels or spirit guides would reveal themselves to me.

I remember I was in a car, in the passenger's seat and they asked me, " Is this what you wanted? "

And I was given that dream multiple times in real life. In my mind, all the different partners are flashing in my head, where they were driving the car and I was the passenger, so many memories.

None of them belong to me. I want to say anymore but maybe they never did. Even though I am crying right now, my heart isn't sinking low. It's yearning. Maybe that is why I want to lie in bed all the time. Since I haven't been dreaming, I haven't been guided like I used to. If I have one prayer for tonight: I hope I dream. Perhaps those are the training wheels to intuition and I should learn how to listen to the wind but, if it is a dream, I know it isn't just my mind playing tricks on me. The subconscious can't lie.

Hell, if it is good for Carl Jung and Joseph from the bible, why can't it be mine again?

Since I did cry, it did take a toll on me so, I will lay down again, but just to rest a bit until I REALLY buy the books this time.

I am back but, I think I am just going to buy the books off my personal computer, I don't have the time for the Work or School Computer.

I know this sound sort of irresponsible but, since I did pray for dreams, I feel like I should go to bed and just buy the books early in the morning. I can enjoy the rest of the night to recover from crying and to actually relax.

I feel like it is a chance to enter the ether without weed.

I want to spend the time to create a rapport with my spirit guides again.

I woke up and remembered of all things, studying in my dream. I guess my guides are telling me that I have to focus on the 3D world problems for a while.

I haven't bought my books but I feel like I can do that once I get to my mom's house. I know that I am waiting last minute but she'll be here to pick me up any time soon.

I am actually very alive and awake right now but my body feels sluggish. I guess it is all the itching I have been doing. I actually think it is my bed that is making me itchy.

I also found this nice little channel that a Japanese guy has where he listens to people's troubles and gives advice. I think it will be good Japanese practice.

I am really open and awake right now but my body isn't following suit. Mayb I am just happy my mom is visiting me. I am thinking of asking her to go to get coffee or something because I am sure she has a lot to do and I do as well so, we might as well get something to fuel ourselves.