Toxic love

I started my first job at 16, and I worked in fast food. 6 months into working I was told that we were getting a new manager from another store. All I knew about him was that his name was Drew and he was transferring over because of a gnarly breakup with anther manager. I had no idea that he would not only change my life, but change me as well.

I was working in the window and talking to a customer when I heard a new voice coming from behind me, I turned around to see him. He had dark brown eyes and jet black hair, a few nerdy tattoos with a smile that would make you drop to your knees. It felt like a spark of electricity running through my body, Instant chemical attraction. As we made eye contact he smiled again and gave me a little wave making my heart drop to my feet.

I worked with him a few times but he made me so nervous I couldn't talk to him. I mentioned to my co-worker Ruthy one day that I thought he was cute and easily the most attractive guy I've seen in a place like that, since she was 14 she ran to him to tell him I had a "crush" on him and asked him if he liked me. He smirked and said I was cute but too young. I'm not going to lie it stung but it was understandable, I was 16 and he was 20. Later that same shift one of my female managers came up to me and asked about it, I told her everything and she recommended I should stay away from him and I agreed. Unfortunately for me I had caught his eye too, so he came up to me as I was clocking out. He just joked about the conversation he had with Ruthy and then asked for my snap. Obviously I gave it to him you would have too if you met the guy, he then mentioned that we could go to a movie together sometime and that sent me into a panic. An older attractive guy wanted to go out with ME?

I think it was the next night I snuck out to see him, I was so excited but super insecure so I just threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. I crept out of my house into the cold winter night, I walked up the road to where he was parked waiting for me. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it would explode in my chest the closer I got. But the second I got in I was comfortable, he had such a relaxing energy that just instantly put me to ease. We went for a small drive and talked about our music tastes and other basic interests, he pulled over after awhile and as we continued to talk the more attracted to him I became, he loved J. R. R. Tolkien and he was a computer nerd. It started to get late so I mentioned that I should get home, he leaned over and kissed me and let me tell you it was intense, as his lips intertwined with mine I felt that electricity again but it was so much stronger it felt like our souls were combining into one. There's no feeling like it. He dropped me off and asked to hangout again and I agreed.

We didn't have a label at first but we would be together every night, our souls bonding more and more each time we saw each other. I didn't care that I was falling behind in school or that I was barely sleeping, he was the only thing I needed. One night we were hanging out with co-workers, remember the female manager I mentioned before? Yeah after dropping me off he went to drop her off and they went inside, drank together, then slept together. I was shattered but being young and dumb I told him to choose, and he chose me. Nothing was the same after that I had no trust in him, I was 100 times more insecure than I was before and I was depressed. Every time we argued I'd get so anxious I'd puke, It was pretty bad. It wasn't the last time he did something like that but regardless we worked through it, communication and all. We started dating on and off for 10 months. And every time we broke up it was him leaving me.

One night my dad caught me sneaking out to see Drew, he sat me down and had a conversation with me about how young I was and how this would end up affecting me when I was older. I didn't listen, I wish I did but I didn't. I was just so in love I didn't care about anything or anyone, if it wasn't him it wasn't worth my time. I was so unaware of what I was doing to myself. If I could go back and warn my younger self I would. I had gotten myself stuck in this toxic, manipulative, grooming loop.

The last time we broke up was the easiest, after breaking up 4 times before that we kind of knew it was coming to a complete end. At this point in our relationship I already had a promise ring and I had met some family. But regardless of all of that it was still easier. It was hard but it had to happen. His lasts words to me that night were "I love you don't forget that please" I told him I loved him too hung up and cried my heart out. I then blocked him on everything, I didn't want a single trace of him anywhere near me. I hated him for hurting me for so long.

It was finally over, all the pain and confusion. I rebuilt my relationships with my dad and friends. I bought some self love poetry books, which helped more than you would think. Fast forward - I'm 20 now in a communicative, loving relationship with the love of my life. My moral of the story is as enchanting someone might be you can't look past the red flags. This wasn't my whole story, that'd be way to long but I hope someone like younger me learned something from it. The after effects of grooming are hardcore and can cause serious future mental health issues, if you can steer clear of it and if you can't reach out to an adult they do care. As great as it seems its dangerous.