Family
I’m Not The A**hole, It’s You
I know I’m being an asshole. I hate the word bitch since it singles out a certain sect of individuals. However, everyone is an asshole at some point, whether they know it or not. It’s a mood some days, a choice on others. I see it all the time. I’m surrounded by assholes, including myself. And that’s what sucks, when I know I’ve stepped over the line and joined the club.
By Amy J. Markstahler4 years ago in Confessions
When They Asked Me, I Lied
Three girls stand in the front row at my grandfather’s funeral. Three cousins, arms linked as if they’re playing that old game Red Rover, as if at any moment someone might barrel into them to tear them apart. Everyone present knows that someone already has; at least, he tried.
By Shea Keating4 years ago in Confessions
The One Who Carries You
The journey of raising children seems fairly easy yet this particular journey has many twists and turns. Yes children are a great blessing that many mothers' love very deeply although there will be times when you are terrified of them getting hurt in any way. There will also be the most perfect moments in your life. Most mothers will do pretty much anything to make sure they do their best to teach their children right from wrong not realizing as they grow they are silently observing what mom is doing! They don't know until they are older that you are doing it for them. Here comes those words every parent hears "I hate you." These are words that will cut you to core like a knife, piercing pain in your soul leaving you wondering why does my child hate me, often times in tears. Perhaps this is where the saying "hindsight is 20/20" came from, I certainly do not know. You will make your child apologize and you will find yourself saying you are sincerely sorry to your child too. Of course we all need a break from our children just as they will need a break from us. Is this easy? I say no it is not due the fact that in a mothers' eyes they will always be your babies. Does your adult child like hearing this? Of course not! They have been raised and cared for. They take pieces of your heart as they walk out of your home for the first, second, and sometimes three or more times in their lives. You see every child is different and it becomes more defined when and why they need mom. Believe me when I say I am living this with my children and to this day I cry for my mom. I'm not sure how most people feel about their mom yet I can tell you that I love and miss mine every day. Maybe it has to do with the way I was raised, not spoiled with material things although there was plenty of love for everyone which of course is how chose I to raise mine. You could call it tough love which is necessary depending on the circumstances at the time and this tough love will usually be harder on you than your child. Hopefully they will thank you later while you patiently pray they do. Remember children do not come with instructions. Sharing advice with other parents is very helpful but do not expect it to work on your child just because it works for another child. This is not always the case. You will get frustrated at times, I personally had to excuse myself to go outside and cry my eyes out while taking deep breaths and counting very slowly to ten. Then I dried my those tears and went right back in there. Much to my surprise they were behaving by then! This is a good thing though, not lack of love so hold your tongue and smile. This is a very precious time so enjoy it and take as many photos as possible. No you are not the worst parent in the world nor are you perfect. This is what most people call being human, so do your best and do not beat yourself up when you feel like the worst mom out there. Beside all of this, never be afraid to ask a question. How are you going to know if you do not ask? This can be tricky depending on the question therefore I went to ask single moms, single dads and couples finding that multiple answers gives you a whole lot more to work with. Do not be shocked when they ask you some questions of their own after you have asked yours. I guess we all have some questions about raising children. At first books helped right after they were born then I found them useless. Textbooks do not apply to everything. Living and learning and yes making mistakes is all part of this beautiful, tearfully happy, exciting and terrifying journey. Please don't misunderstand me on all of this, I am simply writing about what some, though not all, parents and children go through. When you read this I am hoping you all will be able to relate to others just a little better about how life really is with children. Some of you may not and that is okay. I pray you may have had it a little easier than some of us. Meanwhile back to being caught in between what happens when they are all raised and have left your home, you want them to be able to make it without you. At the same time you may be wondering what they are going through and if they completely forgot about you. Yes, this hurts me due to fact that I have told them they can talk to me about anything and it will not change my love for them no matter what it concerns. Sometimes they do and other times I get "What Mother?" They don't realize that I am clueless about what has happened. Why? Because they haven't been talking to me and my brain is trying to process what they are saying. I am learning as they are now adults they do not want Mom knowing their business. I know this because some of my nieces and nephews talk to me instead of their Mom. This leaves me baffled and not knowing what to do. So guess what, I talk to my Mom. This is not good for her and I need to stop. I am currently working on this one due to fact that there is nothing she can do just like me. I need to get it through my head that they are grown and I honestly cannot make their choices for them even though they still ask for favors! I would be so nice to get a random call saying "I love you, Mom" instead of a text. Now in all honesty these are the times when I would sincerely love to disable their phones. I am human just like everyone else so laugh, cry or whatever you choose to do. This is how I feel. Yes I have sent a text to my mom saying "I love you." Okay, I know this makes me a hypocrite, Lord help me! For some reason me being single and my mom being married makes me think this is different. That is where I wrong in my way of thinking! I admit to this with no problem at all. All of you need to be aware that I am her only child who lives to0 far away to able to go visit very often. Yes, I feel stuck between a rock and very hard place. My children, on the other hand, live in the same town as I do. What do I have to do to get them to spend some of their time with me? Beg? I tried begging and it didn't work. May I reminisce with you briefly? Thank you! I was not a perfect child myself. No surprise there. I was told not to leave my friends' home while her mom was at work so we snuck out and went skating. Our parents found out, what were we thinking, and I was in big trouble. I can feel the sting from those salt cedar switches to this day! I also ran away one night to meet my boyfriend and here we were walking side by side down the street when the the police drove up to us and said get in the car. During the ride I noticed we were not headed toward my house they were taking us to his house! I started thinking way too much then starting crying before we arrived. Upon arrival I was petrified to see both of my parents and my boyfriends mom waiting outside. I have never in my life heard a young man get chewed out, in a different language, that bad. I do not even remember how long I was grounded. Let's not forget almost giving my dad a heart attack! This was my idea not my boyfriends and I felt terrible! Prior to meeting up with my boyfriend I had stopped by his friends house and asked him to call my boyfriend to meet me. Shocked? I was too afterword. I know now that my boyfriends mom was speaking in spanish. Learned something on that on that little disaster with my boyfriend. I appreciate everyone of you that did not mind reminiscing with me. Thanks. Now back to more current events, being a single mom. By the way I just got off of the phone with my mom. Yes, I took a quick break from typing to call my mom and she is trying a new recipe. She said she will send it to me, I love mom so much. Now it is time to let my mom know, once again, that I am very sorry for what I put her through. How blessed I am that God chose her to raise me. Thank you Mom for putting up with me. Love you always, Your Daughter
By Melissa Boggess4 years ago in Confessions
Chocolate Covered
My hand rises slowly to make shadows over my eyes, the blue of the sky matched the blue rim of the white plate, as it framed the slice of chocolate cake perfectly. The soft pink of the thin candle lightened by the tiny yellow and orange flame atop a small white wick. It glowed from the side of a rosette dancing swooping up and down beckoning me closer and closer bewitching me to ignore all the signs, it seems Icarus, and I native sons. She began singing the words softly, happy birthday to me, to baby, to beloved, to you, to everyone. I tried not to listen I knew that I could not let her words become tones; those tones hitting my ears, traveling through the canals into my veins. That tainting my life’s blood traveling from the atrium into my heart, to the ventricle, out to my arteries, those tones coursing through my body to warm me, soften me from the inside out. Melting my memory of what has happened and yet in that moment I can’t stop it from reaching the filled underground anthill of my soul. I could feel them racing towards their true queen leaving the blind naked king behind. I knew it was the hunger they needed to be fed that drew them nearer, closer to the chance of being something to someone. Running over each other to get to the surface only to be burned and twisted under the magnified truth. It is the siren song of chocolate covered lies that called to them. Called them to get in a line and follow one after the other blindly towards the sweet to only find brown covered dust to choke on. The blue rim covered as the plate’s edge now alive with the army seeking pieces to feed the youngest and the wisest. Them marching to the slice five layers of dark chocolate cake with milk chocolate frosting with tiny rosettes piped on the top, I can see them in my mind all in a circle so that every slice would get at least one rosette. I know just how long it took to bake, frost, and cut. I know how many sticks of butter, eggs, teaspoons of vanilla, cups of sugar, flour, ounces of chocolate. How long to bake, mix, melt and whip. I knew how many bites it would take to eat a slice that size, three thousand four hundred and eighty-seven, it isn’t a big slice, but I learned to savor it take small bites to ingest the meaning let it congeal into a ball that made my belly button it’s point of attachment. I knew all of this at the age of ten. Having once said it was my favorite then it became part of her vernacular to me, being southern she now the teacher she taught me that food had meaning. That food will speak when the human was silent. And while pie and cobbler spoke briefly and sparingly, that chocolate cake spoke the most, and said the most: sorry, the black eye will heal, the burn marks will fade, don’t tell them at school, stay here with me, be nice to the man I chose over you. But sometimes only sometimes it said the thing that brought me to kneel, you mean something, but I always missed the… right now, at the end. Truth is I could make my own by twelve and I was selling them by the age of fifteen to cover the rent, yet here I am staring at the cake now covered in ants as my body is empty.
By Jae Hamilton 4 years ago in Confessions
The designer bag that was not as it seemed...
Before I tell you what happened, you need to know my sister. She is 2 and a half years older than me and obsessed with all things fashion. She has the latest and the greatest. The more expensive the better! And her favourite part? The big shindy badge with the brand name! I always borrow her clothes under strict instruction to "Bring it back clean and in one piece!" I must admit she is extremely generous.. just sometimes a little bit scary! (Don't tell her I said that!) Anyway...
By sarah mcternan4 years ago in Confessions
It's All In The Cake
I took a deep breath and looked at the clock. It was almost 6 a.m. To most, this would be the start of a new day. To me, it was an ending of the last. I was standing at the kitchen sink, loading in the last of the dishes my daughter had finally brought out from her room. It would have been nice to have them several hours ago, but that was okay. I wasn’t mad. In fact, it even made me smile a bit. I was just happy to see she got them there and that she was comfortable doing it on her own accord. There was a time when even this seemingly simple task was much more than just taking dishes from room to sink. I am proud of her. She has come so far. But my heart still hurts.
By Elisabeth Healy5 years ago in Confessions
Home for the Holidays
The last time I saw my dad was July 2007 . He was walking away . Came from California for a visit . We didn't have a close relationship and the reason for his visit was not a good one. I'll give you a hint. We’d just been out to eat dinner together and he called the waitress back and said “ Honey, this liver looks worse than mine, can I have a piece that looks appetizing ?” Yes, he had cirrhosis. And it was so bad he had to have fluid removed and drink down lactulose just to use the restroom. Slow death is never pleasant for the person slowly dying or the person slowly watching. Though he was sick and yellow, he still dressed as if he were a Miami Vice extra. He somehow made it to the 80s and stayed there.
By Layla Nelson5 years ago in Confessions
