Bad habits
Life of Invisibility. Content Warning.
No matter what I do what I try and no matter how positive and supportive I can be I still feel I get stabbed in the back and suffer and in turn I have to ask for help over and over in the end the only result there is; is me becoming invisible but it is understandable when it comes to your friends because who wouldn’t be tired of me or you always asking for help, it’s draining the life out of you. I even tell myself I will only be there for my friends from hereon. I will never ask for a favor or ask for help. But here we go again, can you help me? I am so fed up asking for help and it’s only because I tried helping other people I myself get burned. And I look at my life, and ask myself what did I do to deserve this? Because I try and I do my best to make my friend's life easier but here we go again. Why me? From the gecko of life it hasn’t been easy but I have fought the odds, and I tell myself I can be happy I do deserve this but over and over I get burned if it’s not my job it’s my personal life that gets hit hard. So what do you do when you are in a situation like that because if it wasn’t for my dog I would take my life and I say that because that’s how I feel, no matter how much I like to end it I know I would never do it because even if I get burned over and over I still have a lot to live for and so do you. It’s important to express yourself because then it won’t get bottled up. I have always been invisible for as long as I can remember, for example I post for help and I get 800+ views and not a single response not even words of wisdom or advice and not even a snarky comment, on top of that with my videos barely any view like three views, seven the most and that just tells me over and over how invisible I am, and writing this article why am I doing it because I know I am not alone feeling like this but why keep writing I only have 6 views for 1 of 3 or 4 articles, why waste my time to write if I am invisible? Because I lived in this invisible bubble for so long that now I am absolutely terrified of success. If it makes people cold and stabbing in the back, why would I want success? I would want success because I deserve it, because you deserve it. So I write this in hopes of lees invisibility. Now lets go again and for the best life, having faith in life is everything, if invisible at least make your life visible to yourself and make yourself happy regardless of others while still being good to others. Things we can do to express ourselves instead of bottling it up; Write and write, meditate, and go for walks and hikes anything that get us to release the toxins in our body and it’s important to find our self awareness because once we have that we can navigate our body better if it’s to eat healthy or just being able to express ourselves. Because even if we are invisible to others we are not invisible to ourselves and that is very important to remember because why shouldn’t you be happy, do what makes you smile and laugh and put it in your keepsake memory box so when we are sad we still have good memories that will beat the self doubt.
By Carolyna The Rambler2 years ago in Confessions
My Love
“You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”- John Green Dear A, You've been apart of my life for over 20 years, mostly at a distance but there none the less. We were on our own paths but every now and then we'd bump into eachother, catch up and go about our day. I think because you were my first love, you always brought a since of comfort to me. You came to me in a very pivotal part of my life, a transition that I didn't even realize. We were so young, but the most beautiful part of that is I loved you fearlessly, purely, and of course for what we knew love to be back then.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Pre Flight Night Jitters
The last thing I should be doing is writing right now. It is a little past midnight, exactly 12 hours before my next flight to my next destination on this six month journey abroad. Although my flight is not till 12 PM, I still need to leave my hotel by 8 AM. Flight math is so unfair, but it's better to be safe than deal with anything airlines on the phone.
By Rilee Arey2 years ago in Confessions
Sober Super Bowl
What a nail bitting game!! I don't normally watch football, I am always there for the drinks and snacks. This year however I couldn't help but watch. My whole family is made up of 49er fans, so I was just here supporting my dad. I really thought they were going to win, but right at the last few seconds the Chiefs came in and stole the game! It almost felt like a movie. I am very proud of myself though, I stayed sober and just enjoyed myself. One of the best part is I will remember the whole day, instead of only the first part and waking up feeling horrible tomorrow.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Love is a Many Splendored Thing
You have quality ears And a high-end nose. Grade A meat on your bones. I once worshipped whoever I was with. The writing above is an entry in one of my journals about the primary in my first polyamorous relationship. The anesthetizing effect of love on my bipolar brain is well-documented in my writing and therapist’s notes. Monogamous or polyamorous didn’t matter to me at first. What mattered was that I had someone to call my own. I wanted to have a person like a possession. I wanted an object to admire, to use when convenient, and to ignore when it suited me. Of course, I never would have articulated my desires in this way. It sounded more like “soul-mates” or “they’re my everything.” It was romantic hyperbole. Love-bombing from a disordered brain. I would knock you off that pedestal as quickly as I built it for you. I wasn’t properly medicated for my bipolar disorder until I was twenty-seven, so every relationship before that was marred by the whims of my dysfunctional mind.
By kp2 years ago in Confessions
11 days
I am so proud that I have made it 11 days no alcohol! Yesterday was so chaotic in my house I felt like I just couldn't catch a break. But I kept pushing through and keeping myself busy with little things. I finally made myself a therapy appoint, so that will be on the 19th of this month. I was actually on Instagram yesterday and an account I follow shared a website to search for therapist. I felt that it was meant to be so I went on there and searched for people in my city. The first person I saw on there caught my attention, and seemed perfect for my situation. She specializes in dealing with anxiety, depression, and past trauma so I am really hopeful that this will work out. I am going to be paying for it out of my own pocket which I know will be a little more pricey but I have to try something. I have tried going through my insurance which honestly was such a bad experience that I almost wrote off therapy all together. Then I tried better help, and I did actually find someone through them but she ended up leaving 4 months after I started. I feel blessed that I am even able to do things this way, as I know there are so many that can't. This is why I always want to share my story and let people know that if they ever need someone that I am here. I have sometimes felt so alone in life in general and throughout so many of life's journeys, and I don't want anyone to ever feel that way. Just know you're never alone.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
I Am A Problem. Content Warning.
Introduction I know I am a problem for most people. I see it every day on Vocal and Facebook, or I think I do. Since before Christmas, it has been made clear that my work is not good enough and there is nothing I can do to rectify that.
By Mike Singleton 💜 Mikeydred 2 years ago in Confessions
CAN CELL PHONES MUTATE YOUR BODY???. Content Warning.
What if cell phones were so powerful that they could mutate the shape of our bones? This is a surprising new topic that's recently been popping up all over the media. It stems from a scientific report suggesting that using phones and tablets can cause serious and long-lasting changes to our bodies, not in the way you might think. In the past few years a study has been carried out by David Shahar and Mark Sayers who specialized in biomechanics at Australia's University of the Sunshine Coast Biomechanics looks at how mechanical laws apply to living organisms from how humans run to how insects beat their wings. Shahar and Sayers's study also involves osteo biography which is used to work out what someone's life was like from their bones. It's been known for some time that skeletons adapt to a person's lifestyle every set of bones tells a story, for example, some enormous skeletons were found on the Pacific island of Tinian in 1924. Stone structures in the vicinity of the skeletons explained the substantial nature of the island's bones by working with heavy stones they had naturally developed bigger arms legs and collarbones and over in Australia. Shahar and Sayers believe that modern tech is shaping young people's skeletons.
By Paloma Writes2 years ago in Confessions
Reflecting and Healing
As I am writing this (kind of late as usual...but hey it's just about to be 11pm so I am making progress LOL) I am 9 days without alcohol. When I say I am feeling all the feels, I am feeling EVERYTHING. A YouTuber that I follow is actually quitting alcohol as well. She made a Instagram post today and a quote she used was "you have to feel to heal." I really love that, because it's so true. No matter if you drink, or do anything else a lot of times we are trying to numb our feelings because it's easier than feeling them. Today I was doing a lot of reflecting on when I started this journey truly for the first time 5 years ago. I began to realize so many things and why I was so unsuccessful staying sober.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Peace has enemies
Even peace has enemies, there are some people out there who definitely don’t like peace, so isn’t it arrogant of you to think you won’t have enemies. I don’t think there is anybody since the history of creation who hasn’t been controversial or can’t be, everybody at some point makes enemies, regardless of your actions or words sometimes. Somewhere, somehow, someone already hates you either because of your ethnicity, race, nationality, religion, skin color or even gender. I am guessing that’s just the beauty and diversity of the human nature, it would have been pretty boring if we all just got along easy-peasy without any problems.
By real Jema2 years ago in Confessions
One Week No Alcohol!
Well I did it! I made it 7 whole days and not one drink of alcohol, even with temptation in the house. I am very proud of myself, as a lot of times when other people drink I tend to as well. I tend to have a fear of missing out when it comes to things like that. I just wanted to let you know if you're on this journey no matter where you are, thinking about starting, I am here for you and I support you. We got this, and sometimes we have to take it one minute at a time when things feel too overwhelming.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
