I Am A Problem

Introduction

I know I am a problem for most people. I see it every day on Vocal and Facebook, or I think I do. Since before Christmas, it has been made clear that my work is not good enough and there is nothing I can do to rectify that.

I've included the U2 song "Bad" because it is a beauty and I know that if I don't feel good about everything, eventually things will come good for me, even if I am the only one who makes it so. I have to be positive.

Why Is This So?

I don't really know. I know my work is excellent and I know those that read it like it but I do feel that I am off the radar of even my own audience. Part of this is that people see me as just a familiar name and a group administrator and that is it.

There are things I want to say, but I can't because I will get berated if I do say anything, but the fact is if I say nothing then nothing will change. But I am getting this out just to purge my bad feelings.

So What Am I Going To Do About It?

I feel like this most days but cannot talk to anyone about it, so my answer is to write something more.

This is post 1964 and for 1965 I will do my first Vietnam Pantoum. The Vietnam War started just after World War Two and the Americans first got involved in 1955 in an advisory capacity and finally landed a ground force in 1965.

So I do have things planned going forward.

I am always looking for stories or articles to write to keep me going.

Even writing this is making me feel better because after this I know what my next poem is going to be. I don't know the words yet, but I know the subject and its structure is coming together in my head.

As I have said before I know things will improve if I keep going, they have in the past and they will do again.

I didn't intend to write this, but I feel all the bad vibes are leaving me with every word that I type.

I want every piece I write to be done in a spirit of positivity.

I see so many Vocal stories where people are talking in poetry and prose about depressing things, and I find those very difficult to read, often passing up on them but with the intention of revisiting when I am feeling better.

I always feel I don't do enough and maybe people think that of me, but when they comment they give me the impression that I do work hard. I know that I do, and I know that I create some very good poems and stories, but often, while they are good, they are not mainstream, and maybe that is why they are not as successful as I would like.

I am now in a position where the only Vocal Income I will get is from reads so it may be that I drop off Vocal+ if I do not get enough reads. Every so often I hit paydirt but sometimes I feel like giving up, then tell myself I do love writing, so get those fingers tapping, which is what is happening now.

Just at the moment, I feel I am making up the numbers, nothing else which is why I will not share this on any other social media platform.

If you do read this, thank you, but know that I am in a good place, and will get through this. Thank you so much for being here for me.