11 days

I am so proud that I have made it 11 days no alcohol! Yesterday was so chaotic in my house I felt like I just couldn't catch a break. But I kept pushing through and keeping myself busy with little things. I finally made myself a therapy appoint, so that will be on the 19th of this month. I was actually on Instagram yesterday and an account I follow shared a website to search for therapist. I felt that it was meant to be so I went on there and searched for people in my city. The first person I saw on there caught my attention, and seemed perfect for my situation. She specializes in dealing with anxiety, depression, and past trauma so I am really hopeful that this will work out. I am going to be paying for it out of my own pocket which I know will be a little more pricey but I have to try something. I have tried going through my insurance which honestly was such a bad experience that I almost wrote off therapy all together. Then I tried better help, and I did actually find someone through them but she ended up leaving 4 months after I started. I feel blessed that I am even able to do things this way, as I know there are so many that can't. This is why I always want to share my story and let people know that if they ever need someone that I am here. I have sometimes felt so alone in life in general and throughout so many of life's journeys, and I don't want anyone to ever feel that way. Just know you're never alone.

I was just talking about wanting to try therapy again so I felt that this was a sign that I needed to try. I wish I would have taken this step many years ago but how I was raised it just wasn't something that we did. In the past I have been told I am a very self aware person and I felt that made it a little more challenging when it came to therapy. I am going to go into this with an open mind though, and accept the help. Like I have said before, I have learned and accepted that there is no quick fix for this. Every short cut I have tried has only lead me back to square one, and truthfully I am exhausted of living this way.

When I was young I had always heard you're 30s were the best, even though we always spent most of our younger years dreading turning 30. Since turning 30 I have been dealing with all my anxiety, depression, drinking and just being unhealed that I wouldn't say they have been the best. But since I am turning 37 I want to make the last part of my 30s the best they can, and just have fun. I want to more healed by the time I enter my 40s so hopefully I'll be 40 flirty and thriving :) I don't know where my life will be even a month from now, but by 40 I hope I am in the happiest place I have ever been.

I also wanted to say again thank you to each and everyone of you that are supporting me and reading my posts. It means the world to me, and really helps motivate me to keep going and gives me confidence. You all are so amazing. I will be back later tonight with another post, but I just wanted to get on here this morning and give an update since I wasn't able to yesterday. I hope you all have a wonderful day!