Bad habits
Rouf
Rouf I’m not doing it, I’m not getting up, I’m staying right here I tell myself as his dark marble eyes pierce through my shaggy bangs and charcoal sleep-deprived eyelids. “Rouf!” “Fuck you!” I yell. “Errer,” yeah I bet he wasn't expecting that, I say it again, “fuck you,” this time with more zeal, more authority in my tone. I’m in charge here and I won't be walked on by some golden, curly hair bag. Then he does it, he leans his head down, places both paws on top of the other, and sniffles through the carpet. Now I’m the bad guy and Sammy is the victim once again. I ease out of bed, carefully place a pillow where my exhausted body should be, I slowly cover it with our Goose Down Feather Comforter, I shimmy my boy shorts just below my navel, I’m ready.
By April Chavez4 years ago in Confessions
A Spiritual Awakening
Rock bottom #2 - a Spiritual Awakening My journey toward sobriety began on October 29th of 2016. My ex-husband asked for a divorce. It seemed to be the same old same old kind of day. It was a Saturday. Of course, I was on the couch, drinking. A retirement commercial came on and he went off one of his tangents about how I ruined his retirement. He had this idea that he should get to retire at 52 and I would keep working into my 60’s. Because I lost my high-paying job during rock bottom #1, it ruined his retirement.
By Susan Eileen 4 years ago in Confessions
Reasons to Leave the Christmas Tree up. Top Story - January 2022.
Mid-January is a most difficult time of year for me. Not only is it disgustingly hot in Australia, but it's also the time of year in which I must grapple with an incredibly difficult decision... how long is it acceptable to leave the Christmas tree up?
By Rachel M.J4 years ago in Confessions
The Story of Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
I am the older-middle child of four. I have an older sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother. I have a mother and father who are still married, grandparents who are still alive and well, and many relatives who all try to show up to family reunions.
By Sarah4 years ago in Confessions
I Tried to Save My World
I wish I could say the article you are about to read concludes with a happy ending. I wish I could say I found more than I could ever lose. But the truth is, if I were to say that it would be a lie. To fully understand how things got to this point, I am going to have to go back to September of 2020. The month I realized that the father I thought would live forever, was on borrowed time. Time that my family and I were tasked with deciding when it ended. After a week and a half of debating, fighting, and just being there for each other, we decided it wasn’t fair of us to keep asking for more time when he was in so much pain and no longer resembled the man who taught some of us to drive, to play basketball, softball, and football. He no longer looked like the man who worked through lunch breaks to make sure he made it to every game and musical concert his kids were included in. So on September 10, 2020 we made the decision to empty out the sand pouring from the invisible timeglass.
By Shannon Gaskin4 years ago in Confessions
Flying Too Close to the Sun on Wings of Pastrami. Top Story - January 2022.
I hate that I’m waiting for him for him to message me. I hate that I allowed him into my heart; just a smidge, the tiniest bit that couldn’t be avoided. But it’s kind of like opening your front door a tiny bit while in a hurricane; not a good idea and very possibly a disastrous one.
By Elle 4 years ago in Confessions
I Don't Know
I have started writing this a few times in my head and can never get anywhere. I want to write, I enjoy writing but my mind is going in so many directions, I just don't know what to put down. Best advice that I have heard is to just get started. Stop thinking and just do it. I tend to get in my own way though. I start to do something good for myself or something that I want to do and it's like a whole other me comes along to mess it up, to distract me and knock me off my feet. I let her. It annoys me but somehow I find a comfort in it. A comfort as if it's letting me off the hook because what if I can't accomplish what I started? I supposes it's self sabotage? I don't know, I haven't looked it up and I haven't ever told anyone. But that is why I decided to write it out. Out of my head, and out into the world. As if I am trying to get rid of that part of me. I am like a tattletale. I will tell everyone what a jerk my inner mean girl is and maybe she'll stop. Although, she might be too much apart of me that I may never be able to get rid of her. Would I really want to get rid of her? Then I wouldn't have anyone to blame my failures on. There has to be a fighter deep down though, because as many times as the inner mean girl has thrown my life out of whack, I have somehow picked up the pieces and made something out of it. Tiring though, for sure. It pisses me off, quite frankly. I try to so hard to do all the right things, make all the right choices and get to the life that I see others have but then here she comes wrecking it all. It sounds as though I am jealous of others and I'm not, really I'm not. I'm happy for others and want them to be happy. But where is my happy too? I had it, I have it. But she makes me doubt and over think things. She really needs to get it together. Day to day to such whirlwind, that it makes my head hurt. I feel like I don't know which direction to turn or what to do to just be normal. Some days I sink lower and lower and I am afraid that I will lose it. But I know that everyday, I have to do what I can to get through the day. It is a terrible feeling and cycle when you don't feel normal or good enough. I feel bad for not being a "Pinterest" mom, for not being the best wife and for not doing what I need to do to take care of me. The inner bitch needs an attitude adjustment and to start using her powers for good. We have come a long way but she still has plenty of work to do. Why can't life just be simple? I just want a normal simple life and for her, it is so completely foreign that she is almost scared of it. Like the thought of it, makes her want to screw things up even more. What the hell is your problem? Maybe someone reading this can help me talk some sense into her. Tell me what you think? Do you have an inner mean kid? How do you cope? Thank you and good luck.
By Shanon Canuto4 years ago in Confessions
Lit.
Silently in a caring way, he was thankful. Daniel received the news that his cousin Cindi’s husband Andy had died. The man never had a job, was narcissistic, controlling, and taught his daughter that going to school was not important. Actually, Daniel agreed with him to an extent about school systems, but there would need to be supplementation with home schooling – which Andy would not provide. He did appreciate the time Andy helped him replace a transmission in his truck, so held that memory in focus. Daniel had swapped out a few parts, but without having any experience, that job seemed too intimidating to take on alone. He prayed for Andy to know his appreciation for his help.
By Jason Hurley4 years ago in Confessions
In The Tower
We were walking towards downtown with no direction. The three of us are looking for something to do. Some excitement to get into. Misguided youths in the bodies of men, we were unstoppable. Bobby was big, 6 foot 6 inches and a slim 190 lbs. and had a mean right hook. Lorenzo was the opposite, 5'7" and built like a brick shit house with a cinder block for ahead. At 230 lbs, Lorenzo was tough to move. I was in between, 6 feet tall and about 200 lbs. and just along for the ride. Quite frankly, I was able to be a voice of reason on many occasions when the other two were about to get into something stupid.
By Lee Holmes4 years ago in Confessions
