Sitting In Limbo
With The Lights Off
If I wanted to make these easy I could write a poem, but the words won't come, I am feeling very down and that I should not even be writing and sharing my thoughts.
It doesn't matter that no one will read this, but once it is published it will be digitally immortalised. I know I can write and put down my thoughts on this electronic sheet of paper to live in the cloud forever.
I suppose this is a confession to just say that I have very down days when I can't talk to anyone. People see me as always there, always helpful, always knowledgeable, and always friendly but sometimes it is a facade. Today that is what it is.
I should be over the moon, publishing my latest anthology but I can't be bothered to do it, it is still a bit of technical stuff to do but I am putting these words down because it is easier.
By the time I have done this confessional, I hope I will feel better, but I will not share this on Facebook, Threads or BlueSky so I don't expect any reads.
I really detest feeling this way, I feel that I am floating in a dark place with nowhere to go and no future, and my past is left in burning tatters. I know that is not true, and I know that I have to pull myself out of this because I have to be there for others who may need a word or two of encouragement from me,
Although I feel I am sinking, I will not let myself sink. Tomorrow I will plan my day and I will publish my anthology, maybe leaving it a day will make things a little more perfect.
At the moment I feel I am sitting in Limbo, in darkness, with no sign of light. No sound, just nothing.
I want to be positive and to look forward to doing things, to create things that others can delight in.
I know that will come, and writing this is a step towards that, but I feel imposter syndrome is hitting me very badly today. I feel that I cannot write anything worth reading, and I certainly can't write poetry, I have not written any for a week, and I keep seeing things that I should be inspired by, but I walk away from them.
I am listening to some old reggae, hence the title of this piece taken from the Jimmy Cliff song.
Maybe I am frightened of publishing my anthology because I have to do three books, an eBook, a paperback and a hardback. I have done it before and I know I will do it again, I know that for certain.
I am sorry for all these dark ramblings, don't worry about me, I will get through it, but I know people who would have incredible difficulty dealing with these feelings.
There is always Andy's Man Club, but I really don't know where I would start talking to someone else about this feeling, but I think just writing it down will help me a lot, and maybe help anyone else who feels the same way.
Today I have felt like shutting my Facebook account and scrapping my Vocal account and work, but I know that would be like burning th eMona Lisa.
So I am going to see this out and tomorrow I will share my new anthology and feel a lot better.
This has done me a lot of good, it really has.
If you are one of the few who has read this, I know you are a true friend, so thank you very much.
About the Creator
Mike Singleton ๐ Mikeydred
A Weaver of Tales and Poetry
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More stories from Mike Singleton ๐ Mikeydred and writers in Confessions and other communities.
Celebrate The Good
Introduction This is a Seven Days In Post that was getting a lot of traction on my blog, It refers to my great friend Craig who we lost but you can read more about him in this tribute I shared. He was an amazing caring person who always had time for everyone.
By Mike Singleton ๐ Mikeydred about a year ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: ใใใญใน
I don't know the word for Staples. I remember I used to think that Hochikisu was an Onomatopoeia for a stapler rather than a brand name. I am pretty sure I already have this title as a theme, which is making me feel many sort of ways as Vocal is harassing me about payments currently.
By Kayla McIntosh21 days ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: ๆจใ
I am not putting any more time on my timer right now. I am just trying to get by here. There is almost no point to school because, like 35% of the time is technical difficulties and the rest of the time is things that actually aren't really useful.
By Kayla McIntosh4 days ago in Confessions
Comments (9)
I think we all have feelings like this from now and again. writing helps to sort things out.
I honour your feelings, Mike. These are often the types of emotions without an accurate roadmap/guidance system and boy, have I had them too. The early darkness, greyness, and coldness make it harder (at least for me.) It's good to purge and release it all around people who know that it's okay. Most of my "purges" are on paper. We are all human and we need this when we need this. No filters, no apologies. Sending good vibrations, Mike plus mega-compassion and understanding.
Awww Mike, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way ๐ฅบ I hope writing this made you feel at least a little better. Sending you lots of love and hugs โค๏ธ
I relate with this, Mike and I think Emily is on to something. We do get burned out but feel compelled to keep moving forward at all costs. I think you're describing the resulting feelings of that. Know that you are a respected member of the community and one of the greatest contributors. And, whatever you feel like sharing, share it! Happier Holidays, my friend. And please don't cancel your accounts. It's still a way to connect.
I hear you, Mike. Thank you for sharing! I've also been struggling and not engaged with this platform for a while. I know I'll be back, just taking some time to fill my own cup. Good luck with everything!!
Imposter syndrome is very real. Thank you for sharing and I am glad writing helped!
I know the anthology will be great. You are an excellent writer. And as a writer, we can get burned out sometimes, even when we are motivated to write. So please take a break and listen to what your body really trying to tell you. It okay to delay the book's publishing for a while until you are truly ready. But after that, please take a break.
I hope you know you are not the only one, and I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. I went back and forth so many times about publishing my poetry collection; days before, I considered scrapping the whole thing. If this helps at all, know that you are an inspiration for so many people including me. To know that I am not alone with having to deal with dark days helps tremendously and that you are pressing forward gives me hope that the dark days don't have to stop us from creating. Sending hugs and good thoughts!
Iโm sorry that this is a down day. These are inescapable and especially so for artists. When our art eludes us everything feels extra dark. You will get through this though. And you will have more life, more material, more inspiration, on the other side.