I Wanted to be a Marine Biologist

I Wanted to Be a Marine Biologist

My father has a sister, Debbie. I called her “Aunt Debbie.” Debbie is honestly the nicest person I am blood related to besides my Uncle Bill. Debbie lived in Anderson, Indiana. In her bathroom, her toilet seat covers, shower covers, soap dispensers, and whatever the fuck else you can put in a bathroom were covered in a fish design. I found it so fascinating, the colors, the shapes, and sizes these creatures could come in. I found it beautiful at such a young age. Now, my aunt’s fish addiction went past the bathroom walls. Fish decorations flooded the house—might I add her house was really well furnished for Anderson in the early 2000s—but besides that, she had one betta fish. Honestly forgot the name.

But it was beautiful. Its fins floated as if it wasn’t in water. Then he ended up out of water. I picked him out of the tank and walked over to my Aunt Debbie to show her this beautiful betta fish. When she turned around, I thought she was making that face because she found him ugly. Apparently he was dead. Shocker.

As the years go by, at my mom’s apartment, I finally convinced her to buy some fish at Walmart. There’s really no point of continuing this part because they all died within months. My mother was the 110% caretaker of them, so if we are gonna point fingers, just know where mine are pointed.

As I hit my teen years, my love for biology grew. I became a huge animal lover. It was honestly a crazy shift from being afraid of any dog that barked to wanting to ride crocodiles down the Nile. That’s when I discovered documentaries. But the one that has also stuck with me deeply is the show Blue Planet from 2001.

I’ve watched the series 5 times currently, and it helped me develop my love for marine biology specifically. For years before college, that was my dream. Then senior year came. Everyone was doing pre-med, pre-bio, or engineering. I didn’t want to be looked different at. Trust me, I would’ve. Then looking deeper into marine biology, I saw the wage and the life I wanted to live. I made a decision: to do engineering at MSU. I wanted to have a career where I’d still be able to see my family every day, but if I was a marine biologist, I wouldn’t allow myself to just stay in one area. I wanted to see the world, see the animals, maybe discover something, or be able to say I prevented a species from going extinct.

Even though I made my decision, educational-wise, as I got older I did get my own fish tank. It was 75 gallons, and it was a bitch to sneak into the house. Eventually I got it up and running, and put some fish in there. I was genuinely hypnotized to that thing. I’d go sit for an hour or two, with headphones on, and just watch. It brought me this sense of wholeness. We also had white walls right behind the tank, with perfect white ceiling lights above to cast their shadow down. It created that same effect—the effect of being free of anything limiting you.

Irony is, you’re locked in a tank.

With other fish.

One morning I got up.

And I went to my basement.

I loved the ocean.

How you could just stare into it as if it had no end.

The way life has developed in the ocean is nothing more than extraordinary.

It is utterly beautiful how these creatures have evolved.

But sometimes it makes me question.

Why do you need sharp fins?

Why do you need sharp teeth?

Why do you hunt?

Why are you hungry?

Why do you chase the smell of blood?

Why are we born with pain?

It was a Massacar.