Dairy of Pain

Every love story starts with madness, no one is an exception. And the level of madness determines the level of suffering. Life gives us an inevitable chance to love and love gives us smiles, happiness, intimacy, closure, tears, and finally pain, which is always misunderstood or pretended not to understand. In life, everything changes with time, I assure you that the only thing every time you are stuck with is your pain. And specifically, the pain that you loved one left with you. Interestingly, most people believe they are blessed, happy, and moved on from their past things, so they compromise themselves and ruthlessly cover their pain with temporary pleasures. Pain is the only gift from God that makes you talk to yourself, understand yourself, blame yourself, and care for yourself. Dumping one's pain in the pool of fake happiness is inhumane. When you dig up your pain, there is a real rebirth of you. And that's the right time to analyze yourself. I moved into pain not to move on from my past but to figure out, who I am? and whom I belong to.

When you perceive the origin of pain, then you will be the one who rules you. When you feel happy with the pain, you are going to suffer a lot. But, it’s okay to suffer rather than fake it. Promise me, once you hear the voice of pain, just let it say anything it needs. Accommodate the pain with you. Accomplish every need of your pain, which will be the most satisfying pleasure ever. Every memory conveys the pain and every pain may hurt you. At some point, you may adore it when you realize that the pain is not to hurt you, rather it is the way to find the path which brings you comfort. After years of struggle, I'm now happy with my pain and when some temporary pleasure recedes, I feel worried and I feel deserted! I beg my pain to chaperone me and sometimes I howl for my pain to come back to me.

I was a regular kid from a lower-middle-class family nourished by struggles and incompletely fulfilled necessities which pushed us to live on the moment with an uncomfortably comfortable zone and not to think about the past and the future where no memories were created or stored and no expectations overflowed. Family is not known to people of all classes but known only to the tribe of a closed circle from the same class who discuss and worry all time about the hike and slash of day-to-day requirements. In most families like us, wants are mostly the dreams and needs are the things that decide our state of being alive. For the boys like me with that kind of background, the only thing that gives comfort to the extreme would be school life where we tend to meet people who are not related by blood or blood of my blood but something relates and make a kind of strong 'we feeling' that would bring the mood as watched a feel-good movie long after when we were together.

I used to have a gang in my school which initially meant everything to me. Though we were less in number about 7 to 8, we had the fame that is being pronounced even after years we left the school. Being the upper hand in the gang always led to thinking sarcastically and brought too many fights without conscience. We, boys, have fond of fights either of our own or someone else’s so we could spend some time and learn to fight by spectating it. Everything we do was filled with fun and sometimes the fun turns out to leave severe consequences for which we were forced to bring our parents most of the time. I was deadly apt for the person from the lower middle class that anybody can think of. Though we were not capable of attaining the wished things we practiced to make ourselves happy with the things we possess. With those busy fights and funs, the kiddo version of my life ended as she arrived that day.