Solibeth Nunez
Bio
sometimes life has a funny way of reminding us that we’re not just flesh.. We are so much more
Stories (8)
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Suicide Survival
I open my eyes, & its dark. I slept the whole day. I liked sleeping because at least when I slept, it was silent. Now I’m up, & they were starting again, why would they put me in a room with someone after I just told them I wanted to kill mfs? I just couldn’t understand. I couldn’t make sense of anything & why everything was the way it was. Why me? Why didn’t I fucking die? Why can’t I be normal? Why do I think the way I think? “Seriously, what is wrong with me?” I said in a low voice as I cried. The windows were gated, all the lights were off. Pam.. What could she be doing right now? I shouldn’t be here; breathing without her around felt like shards of glass penetrating in my lungs.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
Suicide Survival
I hear a voice followed by a knock in my sleep, “wake up, vital signs”. I open my eyes & my roommate was already gone. Damn, what an early bird. I go pee, wash my face, brush my teeth & walked out of my room. I was last for the vitals. When she was done, she pointed behind her to the cafeteria & told me to go have breakfast. Almost everyone already had their trays, they were serving waffles, sausages & eggs. They had dry cereal, cartons of milk, coffee, fruit everywhere. I really felt like I was back in school. I saw old & young faces. I grab my waffles, grab some coffee & sit down alone. I felt alone again. A few moments later, my table was full.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Confessions
Suicide Survival
I preferred to be in a psych ward than be home. I couldn’t be trusted alone, or around other people. I felt disconnected from the world, my vision was blurr. It felt like, I was looking from my mind out, not my eyes. My mind felt like it had a mind of its own, could you imagine having thoughts but not being able to speak them, & at the same time another voice in your head is thinking & you automatically say what’s on their mind, our mind, my mind? I changed dramatically in a matter of days, I wanted blood on my hands. My mind felt like it was racing & it kept racing because there was no finish line. Voice 1: “Can they tell we’re in hell?” Me: “Stop… Okay, I need help”. & she started again, “yeah, you really do bitch”. I was really battling the voices in my head, on my way to get help.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
Suicide Survival
I woke up crying. I feel my hospital bed moving. “What happened?”. I thought to myself. I stand up. I see my mom and I hug her, she looked so tired. I cried a little bit as the nurses transporting me waited patiently for me to get back on. They moved me to a different area, where the adults were. I was just 18 y/o so I was in peds when I first came in. “What were you thinking?” Asked my mother. Now I was confused. Was she really about to lecture me about suicide at the hospital? Can I go home first? Ugh! “Why did u attack the nurse?”. “I didn’t attack any nurse, what are you talking about?” I replied. I don’t know where my aunt went. I wasn’t sure of what time it was so I guess it must’ve been pretty late. “Yes you did! She came to put the IV in & you pinned her against the wall, smacked her, & choked her”. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Hell, to this day; I can’t believe it. I cried harder. “Luckily she didn’t want to press charges”. “Where’s Beth?” I asked again. “Home with the girls”. I was calm now. She was home with my baby & Diana. I thought to myself, “How could I attack a nurse?” A different nurse came over to tell my mom she couldn’t stay because the hospital wouldn’t allow it since I was no longer in pediatrics. Great. We said our goodbyes and she promised she’d be back in the morning. Time to rest.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
Suicide Survival
We walked into the service room. There was a line leading up to her casket. Everyone was sad, wearing all black. Consoling each other When we got to the front, that I observed her, I couldn’t believe it. How could such a beautiful young lady take her life away, she was just a teenager. I could see the bruises on her neck from the rope and I really observed her well. Pam looked tired & the room was full of emotions. Here go the waterfalls again. Crying seemed to be all I did. I felt weird for a second, looked at my mom & told her I needed a restroom. We walked out and found one in the lobby not far from the service room. I ran in a stall & threw up. I got so sick I told my mom we had to go. I couldn’t go back in there. I began feeling weird again. I didn’t feel like myself anymore.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
Home is where I can’t be
Where’s home? Home to some people could be their sanctuary, their safe place. Home is where you can go and take your mask off; not the one protecting you from Covid, but the one protecting you from the world. To some people home is the road, where the scenery and the people you meet warms you enough to feel at home, at one with nature. To other's, maybe it’s their kids, their families, their house. Where a home without them is no home & every time you are with them, you feel complete. I just can’t relate. Home to me is where I can’t be. Home to me is where I go in my dreams. This world could never house my home because it was never my place to be. My home is what we can’t see, only feel because we are separated through a veil. Home is that place we read about but don’t believe in. Home is what I crave, but can’t be enjoyed because I’m sick. Home is where my soul resides because my heart only pumps to keep me away from home. Home is where I’ll go, when I finally wake up. Home to me means everything because it is everything I’ve been working towards. Home is my peace of mind, when I know my consciousness continues after death and that is when I’ll be reunited with my home. So home to me is where I can’t go, I can only visit in my dreams. Home to me, means finally waking up.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Poets
Suicide Survival
I sat there for a few minutes. I felt fine. What I’m about to express, might be difficult to imagine but; this was my reality. So try. Now remember, I lived in a one bedroom apartment, the bathroom was two or three steps away from the bedroom. I had to pee, so I got up from the couch, used the restroom, cleaned myself; I picked up my underwear, flushed the toilet & stared into the mirror as I washed my hands. My eyes didn’t look the same. I smirked at myself in the mirror in a way I never have before. I walked into the bedroom, and there I was… Sitting on the toilet again. Cleaning myself. Picking up my underwear again, flushing, staring into the mirror, I washed my hands; and walking into the bedroom.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
Suicide Survival
I had only turned 18 three months prior to June 2nd, 2013. I was a baby. I was pure, but on that day I was reborn. I survivied suicide, but it came with a price. What if I told you I came back to an alternate reality? This story is my apart of my life.
By Solibeth Nunez4 years ago in Psyche
