Kimmiekins4
Bio
Here to share my thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Telling stories of my navigation through anxiety, depression and alcohol use. I am also working on my first novel, and want to share it on here with all of you as well!
Stories (75)
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Anxiety Sucks
Everyday I wake up never knowing what the day is going to look like. Is today going to be a good and productive day, or will today be another day fighting my thoughts and irrational fears? Most days I am okay, as I have been better at managing things. Others are so bad just doing one small thing takes the most out of me. Ever since the pandemic I've gotten really bad agoraphobia and only leave the house when I have to, or feel like I can. The amount of self talk that I have to do sometimes is crazy to me, but I keep trying anyway.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Friendship Breakups
Friendship breakups, do you think they are easier or harder to deal with than romantic breakups? I feel like this topic is rarely discussed, and since I just recently went through one of a friend of 25 years I wanted to weigh in on the topic. In our society we put so much emphasis on how hard romantic relationships are to maintain, and how hard they are to get over. In my opinion friendships are just the same if not harder to maintain and get over.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
New Year New Job
I wanted to start off by saying THANK YOU to Vocal for making my "Thank you for not choosing me." a top story and a huge thank you to everyone's love and support on it! It means more than you could ever know. I woke up on Christmas Eve morning not even expecting that so it was such a wonderful early present. I am forever grateful.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Journal
Revising my Book Series... AGIAN
"Start writing, no matter what. The water doesn't start flowing until the faucet is turned on." If you've been following me on here for awhile, you might now that I started posting about a book I began writing called "Ghost of You." I started writing it in 2021, but have been feeling for well over a decade at least to write a book. At the time I began writing the story based off of two of my past love stories. I was combining them into one character, and story. I didn't really have any other direction for the story than that.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Journal
Healing F**king Hurts sometimes
As this year comes to a close I am reflecting not only on my year, but also my almost 3 years on Vocal. I reached 1202 reads the other day and I just wanted to thank everyone that has supported me over these last few years. I came to Vocal to journal my life, and things I was going through at the time, and am still going through now. I wish I would have wrote more on here, not just about my life but just about anything and everything. Anyways I just wanted to take time to reflect on a few pieces I've written and make some updates on them. I hope for anyone that might be struggling with any of these topics can find some comfort in not being alone.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Back to December
What is that saying thats been going around? 2022 broke me, 2023 destroyed me, and 2024 is my comback? I think thats how it goes. 2022 was defiantly the year that broke me, and this year well yes it did destroy me badly. There have been good moments, moments I am so proud of. But for the most part this year has been experiencing pain I haven't in many years. I am proud of the fact that I was able to go on a week long trip alone, for the first time since 2018. It was a trip that I needed for so many reasons. I got to experience a full week alone, in a small town and state where no one knew me. I stayed in a cheap hotel right off the highway, and behind it was a quiet fishing pond that hardly anyone was using. I sat on the deck of that pond most of the days I was there, thinking and reflecting. Knowing I was originally supposed to be here with someone I considered to be the love of my life was a little gut wrenching. But I also felt empowered that I took the trip anyways, finally doing something for myself and not worry about what others thought.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
21 years too Late
At some point in most of our lives we've been heartbroken by someone. That can be a parent, relative, sibling, friend, or romantic partner. Or all of the above. In many of these situations we never receive any type of closer. Leaving us to hold on to the pain, and find ways to bring ourselves closer without actually receiving it from the ones that hurt us. I am a master at burying feelings, so I never really deal with anything. That is probably why I didn't realize I needed this apology, but with so much happening in my life lately the universe just keeps throwing me curve balls. I feel it's all part of my healing journey honestly.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Less than Two Weeks
In one of my last entries I talked about a solo trip that I had planned for myself. It was all booked on a whim, but somehow out of all the times I've tried to book this trip this is the one time just about everything seemed to fall into place. Maybe that is why I am so scared, because I am always used to things not working out. That it feels weird for something to actually workout. I am worried about judgment, which I think is a big lesson for me in all of this. I aspire to be one of those people that truly lives life for themselves without any worry of what others think or if they are they only ones supporting themselves.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Journal
Girl in the Mirror
At some point in our lives we've come across a person that we love so much we'd do anything for them. You give your all to them emotionally, physically financially, all while losing ourselves in the process. We don't even realize it's happening, we'll start making excuses and staying for the small happy moments. Those moments are so rare at times, but when they come around it gives us that euphoric feeling that our brain has now become addicted too.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Confessions
Feeling Lost
I don't really know what my next move will be, but I know whatever it is will be something big, something for me. My life in the last two months has went from one extreme to the next. I know it's the universe way of giving me the push I needed because I would have continued down the same road forever even if I was miserable. Now I am so far out of any comfort zone I've ever known that I am feeling trapped, backed into a corner.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Journal
The Summer of 2005
A Moment Suspended in Time Ah the summer of 2005, hard to believe that was 18 years ago, feels just like yesterday. That was the year I turned 18, the year I graduated high school. I remember feeling so full of life, hope, that any of my dreams could come true. I carried around this average blue spiral notebook that I bought from the grocery store next to my work since I had left my other journal at home one day. I've had many journals through out my life, but for some reason I still have memories all these years later of sitting in a booth on my breaks writing in this journal. While this isn't my technical first journal entry, it is the one I remember most vivid and is most impactful to me. I didn't know it then but this would be the summer that would ultimately change my life, and years later become an inspiration for not only a novel, but a book series. But I am getting a little a head of myself, let me take you back to the beginning.
By Kimmiekins42 years ago in Writers
