New Year New Job

I wanted to start off by saying THANK YOU to Vocal for making my "Thank you for not choosing me." a top story and a huge thank you to everyone's love and support on it! It means more than you could ever know. I woke up on Christmas Eve morning not even expecting that so it was such a wonderful early present. I am forever grateful.

Today I got a call about a job I interviewed for, they let me know that I have been selected! I thought because it had been weeks since they called my references that for some reason I didn't get it. Getting this job is such a big deal for me on so many levels. I've been in my current department for 10 years, and in this position for 5. It holds so much of my past, much of it very toxic. I've been trying to apply for promotions but keep getting denied due to my lack of experience. I haven't been happy there in so long, and even though a new boss has now stepped in it was to late to get me to stay.

The crazy thing about this job, is normally I wouldn't have applied. It was a step down, and decrease in pay for me. It is a fully remote job though, and something in my gut told me to apply. The job was only taking so many applicants, and was only open for one day, somehow it just all felt meant to be. I didn't want to get my hopes up though, as every time I have this year something had gone wrong. I got notice a few weeks later that my application had been referred and then a few weeks after that I had my interview.

I don't know about you all, but I am not the best interviewer. I thought that I totally bombed the interview, but one day the people I listed as references came to me saying they received a call. That was about 3 weeks ago so I was still hesitant that I got it, even though my family kept saying I did. When I called HR back she explained the job to me, and the risks I was taking in accepting the position. She said she wasn't trying to talk me out of it, but just wanted me to be aware. Normally in this situation I would have ran back to my safety net, stay where I am comfortable and sure. Not this time, because stay comfortable for as long as I have has done nothing but hinder me. So I've decided to take a huge leap of faith.

This year has been my darkest year to say the least. I was losing myself, and hope in everything else. To be honest I got to the point where I couldn't see a way out. I thought wow this is going to be my life forever, it sounds dramatic but its true. I knew I needed to keep pushing, but it was hard considering my personal life kept dragging me into an even darker place. I just wanted one thing that I could look forward to, an anchor in the mist of all the chaos. Like the quote above says, "its always the darkest before the dawn." That's how all of this has felt, but this has given me hope I've needed.

I will admit I am scared, terrified. I think what if this is the wrong choice, what do I do if it is? But I think to myself that life has thrown major curve balls at me over the years, and I've found a way. Life will always find a way, sometimes it just takes time. I just want anyone to know that is out there struggling that it can and will get better. Even when you feel tired of fighting, just remember there are always better days ahead. I am always here if anyone needs someone, I never want anyone to feel alone. Thank you all again for your support on my page, it means the world and saves me in ways I couldn't possibly explain.