Kidneys For The King

In the latest U.S. elections, it seems like the campaign trail has turned into a reality TV show where the candidates are trying to outdo each other in the most outrageous ways. One contender even promised to solve climate change by planting an entire forest in their backyard and declaring it a “no-go zone” for politicians. Meanwhile, another candidate proposed a national “Pajama Day” to combat work stress, claiming that if everyone could just lounge around in their pajamas, we’d all be too relaxed to argue over policy.

As debates heated up, it became clear that no one was quite sure what was happening. At one point, a moderator asked about economic policy, and one candidate responded by outlining their plan for a national cheese festival, complete with cheese sculpting contests and a cheese-themed float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The crowd loved it so much that they spontaneously started chanting for the candidate to “bring on the cheese,” proving that perhaps the real issue isn’t about policy at all—it’s about who can throw the best party.

The most surprising twist came when a candidate proposed turning Congress into a game show, with policy debates decided by a spin of the wheel and trivia questions about the history of American cheese. Public opinion polls have never been so divided—people either think it’s the most brilliant idea ever or the beginning of the end of serious governance. Either way, it looks like the 2024 elections will be one for the history books—or at least a really entertaining footnote in American political trivia.