How to Write about Suicide

How to write about suicide? - With great care. Just like any other sensitive subject that requires deep ethical consideration.

In recent 50 years or so, humanity's understanding of suicide and its connection to pain, addiction, anxiety, and depression has changed and evolved, ushering in its de-stigmatization. Better understanding of any phenomenon changes how we talk and write about it, too. As someone who teaches ethics of communication, it's my job to pay attention and notice the trends.

One of the most obvious changes I see is moving away from using the phrase "to commit suicide." And the pressure to avoid the word "commit" comes from two different directions that relate to its different meanings.

It's one of those strong words that can have both negative and positive connotations. If you look up the verb "commit" in the Oxford dictionary, it will give you three definitions:

1. carry out or perpetrate (a mistake, crime, or immoral act).
2. pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course or policy, as in "to be dedicated/committed to peace"; "pledge or set aside/commit (resources) for future use"; or "be in a long-term/committed emotional relationship with (someone)."
3. transfer something to (a state or place), as in "to commit someone to trial, prison, or psychiatric facility."

In the context of suicide, "to commit" for a long time was associated with the first meaning, i.e. to commit an immoral/criminal act. Suicide had been condemned by some religions (particularly Catholic and Orthodox Christian) as a (mortal) sin, an act going against God's will and destroying the relationship with God. Here's is an excellent source from the NAASP on how different religions look at suicide. I have it linked to the Buddhist interpretation, but you can select other religions from the right-hand menu:

When we started to think of suicide as the ultimate result of untreated mental conditions, we also began to refrain from using the word "commit" in reporting and discussing suicide, thus disassociating it from criminal or immoral acts. You can see this clearly reflected in the way suicide is reported by the media today, especially in national and international news.

On the other side of the coin, some people say that when you use the phrase "to commit suicide," you in a way glorify it. This comes from the second meaning, the positive connotation of the word "to commit," as "to dedicate strength/resources, to be determined or courageous in doing something." While the debate on whether suicide is an act of courage (it takes guts to end one's own life) or an act of cowardice (a way out of the perceived unbearable hardships or the state of being cornered, desperate) will probably never be resolved, we do want as a society not to encourage suicide by framing it as a heroic act.

What we do want is to talk about it in neutral, non-judgemental terms. I see various mental health-associated experts and organizations now recommending neutral "take/end one's own life." If the word "suicide" is crucial for context and understanding of the situation, it is recommended to say "died by suicide." And in fiction, it is still quite acceptable to write "killed oneself."

What we want even more is to refer people who we suspect might be in danger of self-destructive thoughts to professional prevention services. There is a US national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 988, that is a part of the emergency services. Many countries have an equivalent as well. There are also religious and counseling services people can use when they need to communicate safely with someone who can provide help. If you suspect someone is in need of those services, recommend them gently.

I'm very passionate about this because when I was 15, my step-father hung himself in our bathtub. I wrote about it three years ago here on Vocal. Looking back at it, there were signs (chronic alcoholism, depression and outbursts of angst and despair) that I couldn't recognize at the time. Besides, in the Soviet Union both alcoholism and suicide were heavily stigmatized. I still carry the guilt of not having been able to prevent it because my step-father was a good, caring person when he was sober and just a very quiet one when he was drunk.