Happiness and Light Unofficial Challenge - The Results!

What’s a judge to do?

We had so many happy, bouncy, flouncy, bibbidy boppy (Shout out to Cristal for that phrase that has remained in our grumpy brains since we read her original entry. Alas, we went with an older, more sincere one, but you should still check it out - Paul) entries that this pair of surly curmudgeons were flummoxed by Schmaltz, zest for life and woo woo so deep we had to don waders to work our way through it. And we are both stoked that 4 of you earned Top Stories (20% of entrants)! We received eighteen entries for the Optimistic phase of the challenge that were chock-a-block with rainbows, fluffy critters, and sprites. For the Sarcastic phase of the challenge, we had two entrants who gleefully brought cold hard reality down on the optimistic entries like a couple of kids playing two-fisted Wack-a-Mole.

Since time was a-wasting, we finally bellied up to the bar, donned our chemical protective gear, ensured we had an ample supply of vomit bags and activated our cynicism and sarcasm detection units. It was time to enter that cosmic and terrifyingly optimistic place known as the Happiness and Light Unofficial Challenge to select our winners.

Our process:

1. Firstly, we categorized the stories by the various stratagems used by our brave optimists to permeate our impervious and perpetually grumpy pusses or those by the grumps trying to restore our curmudgeonly equilibrium with a maniacal giggle or six.
2. Then we set up recording equipment for each of us while we read the entries to determine the overall penetration of our cynical worldview. We awarded high points for unforced grins and laughter. Tears counted if they were happy. Sad tears, although considerably more pleasurable given our over-allish pissy world view, counted as negative points.
3. Each of us ranked our favorite to least favorite stories and then tallied the points of each entrant to determine our prize winners. Since Lamar and Harper were the only sturdy souls who offered critiques, they are each assured of placing in the cynic/smartass/wag entry portion of the challenge as the brave souls who dared go where others feared to tread. Strangely, Harper also entered the Pollyanna portion of the challenge which confused us both, since no one can claim to be perfectly happy and a cynical poop, can they? Next time, pick a side!

Entry classification and favorite quotes from our entries

Optimistic Contender strategies:

I. Two kinds of peeps: Jolly peeps versus curmudgeonly nincompoops. You know darn well the curmudgeons will come off as the big dopes with this strategy.

- Prickly Plant by Katherine D. Graham; favorite quote:

I have witnessed many dying with a smile or a frown./Guess who gets the best treatment when in the hospital gown.

- Big deal by Angie the Archivist 📚🪶; favorite quote:

How those canines capered and loppoped about, the perfect accessory to their matching owners. A sleek whippet glided alongside her rail-thin ‘Girl’ while a boxer dog strained at the leash, impassively held by his muscular ‘body builder’ ’boy’. What a Dopamine hit!

II. Happiness is contagious: The relentlessly positive person who tries to put a smile on every curmudgeonly puss within shouting distance. Does this happen in real life or just on the Hallmark Channel?

- I have been accused by Shirley Belk; favorite quote:

Aromas of fresh cut grass, Apple pies in the oven, and coffee on to brew/Narrators with a dreamy voice, a Novel you can't put down (both a gem)/Not too much will rattle me or cause me to pout and stew...

- (Top Story) A Spark Within by Heather Hubler; favorite quote:

”Well, it means that we‘re it! Us! The only sign of life so far that’s been found anywhere,“ he threw his arms out and spun around, face flush with joy and triumph.

- What does a Smile really mean? By Mark Graham; favorite quote:

Even when you are feeling low when you smile there is something that just happens and with that smile one begins to feel better just in general.

III. Love is grand: Peeps who fall in love and stay that way. Ahhhhhh, how irritating!

- A Peace in My Heart by Tanya Lei; favorite quote:

I'll always meet you here, my dear/sleep with my head on your chest/Listen to the rhythmic sound within/life is a heartbeat/your heartbeat is my life/a life that I love to have/with you

- (Top Story) She Weaves My Rainbows by Mike Singleton 💜 Mikeydred; favorite quote:

And For Her, I Will Do Anything/My Radiant Princess Gives Me Joy/My Perfect Muse, My Helen Of Troy/And For Her, I Will Do Anything

- Whispers in the Wind by Cristal S.; favorite quote:

It’s when red turns into burgundy and blue ends up as teal,/when green is now viridian and rainbow’s white is real.

IV. Life is grand: Story or poem of an individual who simply aches with the love of life. Do you have any vomit bags leftover, Paul?

- Spring into fun by Andrew McDonald; favorite quote:

My knees ache and I rejoice/Every swollen joint a trophy/Won by love, endurance, supportive voice ***** Grandkids chasing pell-mell/Freeze tag, red light, green light/Grandpa's, got a story to tell?

- (Top Story) Why I High-Fived a Squirrel This Morning by Tim Carmichael; favorite quote:

I burned my toast this morning and you know what?/The smoke alarm works PERFECTLY./I have a smoke alarm!/I have toast!/I have a toaster that's trying its very best!

- Glimmers of Optimism by Andrea Corwin; favorite quote:

Have you seen it? Did you look?/Beams flicker down through the trees/leaves waving, fluttering in a breeze/There is hope all around/Listen to its sound!

V. Singing in the rain: Gene Kelly, this is your moment to shine. Too bad you’re dead.

- Shear Delight by Kelli Sheckler-Amsden; favorite quote:

the rain shimmers as it falls/cleansing our skin and our souls/creating an invisible pull/begging the moon for control

- 2:22 AM by Amanda Starks; favorite quote:

Oh how I love the rain!/To feel alive beneath its fall/is a gift toward my rise-/ascension of an indomitable will/born of wars fought in darkness,/only now just seeing the beauty/of the sinking suns

VI. Sublime: Don’t look at us. We wouldn’t know what sublime meant if it bit us on the bum.

- ‧ blink ‧ by L.C. Schäfer; favorite quote:

Blink/yesterday's sludge falls away/heavy like a wedding train/if you let it/so unclip it/feel it drop/feel how light you are without it/go ahead and spin/giddy/that laughter/is yours

VII. Magic, Cute animals, Faeries and Sprites: How many friggin categories are there, John?

- The Tangerine Sprite and the Wander-Book by ShardsofOrbs; favorite quote:

The wander book is filled with tiny sketches throughout the year, the new kits born after winter cuddled up in warm nests. a sparrow’s first flight - not lasting long, followed by a picture of parent’s feeding inside a bush.

VIII. Taking time to enjoy a cup of Joe, pet the dog etc, etc: I damn sure could use a cuppa about now, with extra caffeine please. A bicci would be nice, too.

- Coffee, Leaves, and Wagging Tails by Matthew Fromm; favorite quote:

The wider world could wait. There was an entire empire unto itself right here, right now, for a fleeting yet eternal moment.

IX. Everything everywhere all at once: Help!!!

- Seeking Sensational Moments by K.B. Silver; favorite quote:

Ravenous for the cashmere caress/niceness burning, whiffs of scented bliss/Whispers of smoke graze my hands and face/Dove-hued ropes of breathy transcendence/Perception powers our conscious mind/Transporting us back in space and time/What latent powers lurk deep inside?

X. Rising from the ashes: You have to be miserable before you can be happy. Figures!

The First Day by Harper Lewis; favorite quote:

And then you scrub yourself clean,/all of the garbage falling/away, leaving you naked/in your shiny clean soul,/finally free of the filth/of opinions of someone/who never even saw you.

Sarcastic Contenders:

I. Life sucks, so stop pretending it doesn’t: Finally! Something we understand.

- (Top Story) Scrooge has entered the building! by Lamar Wiggins; favorite quote:

Some efforts left me scratching my head. But in the end, they all violated integrity. Took my mind to forbidden places I never aim to go. Every piece had the nerve to try and make me smile…

II. Poetry is art dammit, not an advertisement for dopamine supplements: You had us at dammit.

- Not buying it by Harper Lewis; favorite quote:

Where are the potholes, the mower that won’t start, the empty toilet paper roll, the jeans that don’t fit. While there’s (allegedly) nothing wrong with optimism, this level of it from an adult frightens me.

The windup and the winners:

We would like to take a few minutes to take off our ha, ha hats and thank all of our participants for making our unofficial challenge both successful and personally meaningful. We did this on a silly, sarcastic lark, since both of us are born provocateurs. But we were gobsmacked by the dedication that each of you brought in sincere effort to put a smile on our faces, to move us to laughter or tears, to make us think, even if only for a few minutes, that there might be something to a world and life worthy of a joyous rather than cynical response. John and Paul, thank you all for that pleasure from the bottom of our hearts.

We received many, so many surprising and beautiful entries that judging was very, very difficult. Due to a tie for the optimistic entries, we will have four winners in that category rather than three. (As I would say, all of the entries were in their own way "pure dead brilliant".

The Optimist Winners:

Third Place:

A Peace in My Heart by Tanya Lei

John's comments: This was my first time to read something by Tanya, and what a pleasant surprise it was! She has that rare gift of teasing out the sensual lyricism in her poetry without even a hint of vulgarity. There is a tender vulnerability in her verse that grows in power as she weaves it in and out of her sparkling use of imagery and metaphor. I was deeply moved when I first read it and the experience redoubled in subsequent re-readings. Simply lovely poesy, Tanya.

Paul's comments: I was never going to be able to say anything quite as eloquent as my fellow grumpy old arsehole, but here goes. Tanya is one of my favourite newer writers on Vocal. We've had a few interactions and she's good people, as people say. That's a thing they say, isn't it? Anyway I was delighted that Tanya graced our stupid little challenge with such a beautiful poem. I've noticed the vulnerability and authenticity in the various poems I've read by Tanya, and it gives what could have easily been a trite and shite poem a grounding. A truly moving piece that felt like a privilege to read - well done, Tanya.

Second Place:

‧ blink ‧ by L.C. Schäfer

John's Comments: There are likely few who have spent any time on Vocal who have not read at least one or fifty of L.C. Creations. If you want to be scared, she'll make you want to give up those amateurs Clive and Stephen. You want to be transported to other worlds; she has the rocket ship with your name on it. Even her recipes are salacious and fun. But in Blink she simply wows. Her legerdemain demonstrates the power imagination has to find happy on its own terms, no matter what the world dishes out. I felt my heaviness drop away as I read. Hopeful, powerful poesy, L.C.

Paul's Comments: I will never hold back from shouting praises for anything LC turns her hand to. From recipes to fiction to microfiction to poems, she is just safe hands. I have long found it hilarious that LC will refer to much of her poetic output as "wanky". I know what she means, but I really don't agree with her. She is a wonderful poet, whether she likes it or not and this piece she entered into our challenge is just fucking sublime. Seriously, just fucking read it and you will understand why. I felt like a real weight was lifted from my shoulders while I read it and followed her instructions. Well fucking done, LC, and thank you.

Tied for First Place:

Why I High-Fived a Squirrel This Morning by Tim Carmichael (Top Story)

John's Comments: Tim is a relative newcomer to Vocal, but he has already left a deep imprint in the Poetry community. Some of his poetry is akin to riding a time machine into the past of a simpler world of old school farms, oil lanterns and pot-bellied stoves evoked with tender care and the conviction of one who has lived the words that he writes. But his poem for the challenge is something altogether different. It is a celebration of life and living in the moment so delightful that I laughed with the exuberant joy at the profound miracle of it all, from the first line to the last. Your poem made my day, Tim, and maybe my whole damn week.

Paul's Comments: Tim, as the older, smarter grumpy git of our gruesome twosome noted, has accumulated quite a few placements and top stories in a relatively short space of time, and it's no wonder why. His poetry has a timeless quality. This poem is just a delight. Funny, genuinely funny, hopefully, genuinely hopeful, and just cracked my steely, stony exterior enough for some light to sneak into my cold, blackened heart. Thank you, and really well done, Tim. This deserves the Top Story it got and deserves to share the top spot in this challenge along with...

A Spark Within by Heather Hubler (Top Story)

John's Comments: Everyone who reads Heather's poetry knows what a wonderfully artful wordsmith she is. But what some of you may not know is that she is a master storyteller as well. And this story.... Well, you just have to read it to believe it. I was simply speechless with wonder, my eyes so filled with tears it was hard for me to type my initial response. Her protagonist, Jack, is a true competitor for the forever-optimist Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol. The build-up to your final payoff was amazing, Heather. Simply magical storytelling.

Paul's Comments: Heather is criminally overlooked in challenges, but as John said, all you need to do to understand Heather is read one of her poems and you'll see into her heart and soul. She never leaves anything out. Between you, you and you and me, she was one of the first people I "got to know" on the platform and her poetry helped inform my own. So whenever anyone says "I appreciate your brutal honesty, Paul," know that it is all in part, thanks to Ms Hubler. As John also said, she's a masterful storyteller. She gets people, knows how to hook readers in and keep them captivated until the end. That is exactly what she did with this gentle, but subtly important piece. I adored it and the main character, Jack, was incredibly hard to dislike. I tried, but failed. Well done, Heather, you deserve the Top Story and shared top spot in this challenge for this piece of magic.

The Grinch Winners:

Second Place:

Not Buying It by Harper Lewis

John's Comments: Another newcomer to Vocal, Harper has a shrewd sense of humor that in my mind's eye I imagine she delivers with a straight face. But the scary thing about her is the depth of her poetic knowledge. I am intimidated by it, and I taught poetry at the university level once upon a time. She is the perfect foil for skewering the sunnily dispositioned, pointing out to Voltaire's Candide that this is far from the best of all possible worlds, or reminding us that life does not always rhyme. She pulls no punches here. Bracing jolt of the real, Harper.

Paul's Comments: I was already aware of Harper before she entered our challenge. She is whipsmart, snarky, subversive, funny, and sarcastic, but also has a big old heart and love for literature and poetry. John's right, she is incredibly well-read and knowledgeable. Which always makes me feel a little out of my depth, given my lack of official qualifications in writing. Not that she is ever patronising or anything other than encouraging and supportive. This was full-pelt, no-holds-barred critiquing by a master. It was funny, biting, and unapologetic. Even if there had been other entries for this part of our challenge, this would still have placed highly. Well done, Harper.

First Place:

Scrooge has entered the building! by Lamar Wiggins (Top Story)

John's Comments: Lamar needs no introduction for most of you. He does it all, Sci-Fi, fantasy, horror, poetry, and comedy that is always laugh-out-loud funny. If you have not read his Vocal Christmas party stories, you need to. They are some of the funniest stories on the platform. He put on his Scrooge hat and lambasted all of our contestants in a pure laugh fest. He makes Bah Humbug an Olympic event. I always love reading your work, Lamar.

Paul's Comments: Mr Wiggins has had a stellar year on Vocal in 2025, and about fucking time too. You know you're in for a treat when you sit down to read something by Lamar. Whether it's sci-fi, horror, poetry, and yes, I am kinda copying John, but it's no less true. As a frequent player in his Vocal Christmas party stories, I am always humbled by my inclusion (I know people think I run Vocal or some such shite, but I really feel like a small pebble in a Tsunami, if you can imagine that), and he is razor-sharp with his witty takedowns of everyone, including untouchables like Babs. I knew this was going to be a fucking gem when I saw he had entered it. I was not disappointed. I loved the fact that he single-handedly took down all entries like Hercules or Dwayne openquotes The Rock closequotes Johnson. Well done, sir, take your prize, you outdid grumpy Paul and grumpy John and delighted us with your excellence.

*

Thank you again to everyone who took part or showed their support by reading, liking and commenting on the entries and the original challenge piece. I am happy to say that if you were hoping we'd never do it again (or were secretly hoping we would) that John and I will be doing more challenges together. I am not sure when, but watch this space.

Well done again to Tanya, LC, Tim, Heather, Harper and Lamar! Celebration emoji, celebration emoji, cake emoji, champagne emoji.