University Sucks

Film School: how to do all of the work and get none of the credit.

I played my hand at getting into the film industry which in itself is a very difficult thing to do, though I would argue that it’s ten times harder to do if you’re a woman who doesn’t act. I did everything the way I was told to; I studied hard and worked hard pitching my ideas and trying to put them into practice. One thing they don’t tell you when you join your first film course is that the sexism starts here. Everything you pitch is deemed ‘too emotional’ due to your woman status, you get graded lower for the same standard of work your male counterparts are submitting and when the men in your group screw around and won’t do their share of the work, the responsibility is on you to get them to do their part.

Sorry darling, I’m not their mother. I am here for myself, I haven’t gone into full time education to babysit other people’s adult children. This isn’t a joke, I called a meeting with one of my lecturers about my all-male group that I was forced to join (or fail) not doing any work at all and their response was, and I quote “you’re a mother, you can handle it”. It’s not like there was a female lecturer I could confide in either because there were precisely zero women in either film course I attended. I attended two years of college with zero female representation and then three years of university which was exactly the same.

I tested my theory on whether or not my lecturers were sexists, with the help of (at the time) a friend. He would do one of my projects and I would do one of his and we submitted as each other. Low and behold, for the first time ever, the work I did under his name got the highest grade and the work he did under my name just scraped by with a pass. We tried this a few more times over the years of college and university and the results were always the same. In my critical analyses of projects, my feedback would be “you’re a bitter woman” whilst men who criticize the same issues were told they were “bold and intelligent for recognising the mistakes within the project”.

It was so glaringly obvious that they were being biased against me but no matter how many times I reported the issue, it would fall on deaf ears and never even be documented. I stuck with it though, determined to see my course through to the bitter end and begrudgingly collect my degree but it seems my university had other plans. In my final year of university, we had to do a final major project to achieve our final grade. I worked all summer on a proposal, a script, shot list, artwork, the pitch for it - the lot. I turn up to the introductory lecture where they choose the projects and groups, folder in hand and I was ignored. I approached the head of the course personally, presenting my folder to him, asking why they wouldn’t even consider looking at my work, he then took the folder from me and started talking to someone else, handing the folder back to me without even looking inside of it.

All of the cliques chose their friends as their group for the final major project and I was left along with a few stragglers that no one else wanted to work with. I took a chance on them and asked to work with them, I gave them my folder and said that I had already done most of the prep work so it would probably be a good choice instead of starting from scratch. This group then decided not to look through my work and chose to do a film based off of Stanislav Petrov (the man who saved us from nuclear war), I went with the idea thinking that it could be interesting enough. I tried suggesting that I be director (as this is a role I’m used to) or producer to which all the men ended up in a pissing contest over which one of them should be and I was left with the duty of ‘concept artist’. The problem was however that whilst they had given me that role, they also expected me to do the research, costume design, set design, location scouting, scout for actors, write the script, make the pitch presentation, write the written proposal and anything else they could think of. They did nothing at all, their only contribution for the first 4 weeks was criticizing my work and telling me to do more.

During the final major project, we had several meetings with one of the lecturers to track our progress and every time without fail, I would show the lecturer the work I had done and the men in the group would try to claim it as their own or tell the lecturer that I wasn’t listening to them or letting them do anything. After a few weeks of the same old rubbish, I messaged the group saying “If you don’t think I’m letting you anything, I will hold back and I’ll let you guys get on with it. I am not going to contribute anything this week and we can discuss your work at the next meeting”. The next meeting rolls around and surprise, surprise nothing had been done. I wouldn’t have paid much mind to this normally but the lecturer tried to blame it all on me personally.

This cycle kept repeating, month in, month out and I was quickly reaching my limit with this group. They stopped talking to me completely once I had rejected their offer to play ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’ and smoke weed with them so I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I got my proposal back out and started refining it, casting actors and getting equipment, funding and crew members ready to make the most ambitious film I could within the limited time I had left before the submission date. I told my lecturer that they wouldn’t speak to me so I cannot work with them, though I had my own film ready to go. The lecturer didn’t say much barring “it’s your job to get on with your group”... a bunch of strangers that had no interest in doing any work or taking any blame, no thanks.

Within about two weeks, I had things ready to go - with the deadline fast approaching I took my cast and crew up to Scotland for a week and we shot the vast majority of the film in one go. Armed with my rubbish little laptop and some budget editing software, I was up every night editing scenes together to make sure we had what we needed. I was in charge of everything, I did the sound, the costumes, the make-up, props, editing, quite a bit of cinematography, I was directing, looking after the cast and crew, catering, and pretty much everything else you could possibly think of. I was exhausted but I kept going anyway because I had determination to complete this film before the deadline and prove that I was better off on my own.

A month or so later, after one last full day of shooting - I had completed the short film I was working on for my final major project. I submitted it around a week early with all supporting documents and then released the film to the public on Father’s Day 2019. In July of 2019, I was informed I had failed my course because they “couldn’t” mark my work as I wasn’t part of a group. They didn’t even watch my film or look at any of the extra work I put in to create it. The only option they gave me was to make a new film to submit by the end of the summer… on my own. I decided to cut my losses and decline as it was a nonsensical offer.

Today, I checked on both films and how they’re performing on YouTube, the platform both were released on and even though I was probably the only one who didn’t receive a grade for all of my hard work, my film is performing better online. A lot better. The worst part is that they stole my love for filmmaking away from me. Maybe one day I’ll get my passion back but for now I guess I’m just a “bitter woman” because I’m just that nerd who did all of the work and received none of the credit. Okay, the film isn't perfect but there's only so much one person can do with one month do do it in.

Women, if you’re thinking of going to university to study film then my advice is to save your money and just make films with that. University will crush your spirit and steal your passion.

This may seem like the bitter ramblings of a madwoman and honestly, it is - because trying to make something I was passionate about and having people belittle, gaslight and berate me the entire five years that I poured my heart and soul into my work broke me. Those of us who work hard and put so much of ourselves into our work deserve more than that and I'm not afraid to admit that I feel stupid for even trying.

Do yourselves a favour and choose a course that'll make you the money you need to make films that you want to make. Keep ahold of your passion, keep that fire lit inside of you. and make films that YOU want to make - not films you're forced to make with people you despise.